I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

[Anonymous]

Congrats!

[Anonymous]

You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

I feel the same way, difficult kid, great ED result, but I know there may be more challenges to come. At least happy to have a calm 6 months...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

I feel the same way, difficult kid, great ED result, but I know there may be more challenges to come. At least happy to have a calm 6 months...

TBF OP's kid sounds normal, not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

This is a good point. No, no older kids, DS is an only child. And yes, you are certainly right that shit can really hit the fan in and after college. Was just taking a breath to celebrate the 18yo milestone. Onward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats!

Thank you!🧡

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

[Anonymous]

I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

Congratulations, sincerely. We have a similar situation in our family with free-range kids (cousins) who have crashed out in their mid-20s. Don’t let up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

You should be far more concerned about kids mental health than the fact that kid got into an elite school. It does not seem like you are or, to the extent you are, you are thinking opportunities and respurces provided by an elite school are best for his mental health issues. 9 times out of 10, that is not the case.

[Anonymous]

So all along you thought it was a competition? Huh. Try some grace and humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

Yeah, I think we're where you were when you thought, "huh, we did it." Yes, LOTS of heavy parenting to get him into top school and I realize the race continues. Celebrating the last 6 months of senior year and summer.

In a way, drinking too much that first time and ending up in the hospital (that was us as parents overreacting) wasn't the worst thing. It opened up the discussion around drinking. Allowed us to set strict rules for senior year (no drinking, no vaping - with drug tests and checks). So I'm hoping it will help with what we all know can be a rough entry to college life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So all along you thought it was a competition? Huh. Try some grace and humility.

+1. We are really not jealous. Concerned is a better word.

[Anonymous]

The “live and let live” parents may not have been thinking this was a competition all along. You have put your child in an enviable position but from now on it’s what they do with it that matters. With hard work and dedication they can succeed if they want to — and so can the children of the parents who “lost.”