Reply to I feel like I won the parenting wars

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry OP, you didn’t win.  Tens of thousands of parents do this every year.  The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.  [/quote]

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

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This is a good post. Thank you. Even though I must know, it still helps to read it.[/quote]

This is a good post. I am in a foreign land on this forum. My mother was a single mother, and an addict. She was a very nice person though and despite her problems and neglect I chose to frame her as a kind and generous person.

Left home at 18 entirely on my own. No assistance from anyone. Athletic scholarship at a top 10 school. Made it through and went on to be very successful at a top law school. Always worked at jobs and never incurred debt. No time to worry about anxiety or social life. Heck if I wasn’t anxious before an athletic competition I generally didn’t perform well! One regret was my mother never seeing me compete in college. You deal well the cards you are dealt.

I was not anything special in terms of virtue - I could goof off with the best of them and was by all accounts a tough kid. But a different era. The world thought I was athletically talented - I knew better. Never drank a drop of alcohol (worried about getting sick) and certainly never touched a drug of any kind. This made a significant difference in my life even though many assumed it had a religious motivation- wasn’t remotely the case and really had to accept social life wasn’t going to happen. I talked to Pat Summit the Tennessee women’s head coach years later and she confirmed to me my methods was sensible, although she suggested things I could have done better. She thought the absence of helicoptering was a great benefit. Life is wonderful. Figuring out you have 1/10th the mental resilience of Par Summit and feeling awed and respectful at that - could not have had it better.

My greatest thrill was discovering the rich kids did not think I was stupid.

The other thing was the ridiculous freedom I enjoyed. No one to answer to but me. I liked it. I lived off athletic travel expenses and every 2 for one Hardees coupon was a thrill!

I was at the top of the law school class, law review guy, many awards and so on. Trying to make up for my mother never having seen me compete, I flew her and my aunt to graduation. Ok, the right thing to do but also a product of my ego. I had a huge revelation at the event. My mother didn’t care whether I was an A student or a D student. Not an iota. She wasn’t educated, but really she just wanted to be sober enough to be a mother again and see me happy. I felt grateful that necessity was such a huge factor in my life.

I married very well. Luck plays a role.No illusions I was some kind of catch.  We had two daughters and both went to Princeton. I think we helicoptered some but not a lot. My ego kicked in because I was happy I changed the trajectory of my family. My mother unlike with me did care about her grandchildren’s exploits. Hearing her brag about her grandchildren was one of her life’s high points, and a testament to sustained sobriety.

By the way I have a predilection in favor of young people and am on guard against selling them short. Take this for what it is worth. [/quote]

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