I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

This is gross bragging. You probably caused your kid’s anxiety. Lets see how he does when you’re not breathing down his back. Getting into college is just the beginning. You sound like such an unhumble clout chaser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all 19 pages but I will say this: anyone who thinks “game over” or “we won the war” when all that’s happened so far is their kid has gotten into a great college has a rude awakening ahead.

Why do you say this? Students who get in unhooked, not TO, find themselves on track to do at least average if not better. Even if they end up "only"average, given that average is 3.75-3.9, many paths to T30-50 grad/med/law and tgreatcompanies await with that GPA from a top school. The top 10-25% of these students have a great shot at T10 grad/prof and MBB-level companies.

Listen to yourself. To you, the "game is over" or the "war is won" only when or if your offspring goes to a top school or gets a high paying job. Why is that all that you seem to care about? What about being healthy and happy?

Do you have any data showing that graduates of top colleges or folks working in high paying corporate jobs are happier and healthier than those who didn't? If so, I'd really like to see it. Because I sure haven't had that experience.

To the contrary, I think many people are too smart and too driven for their own good. Some of the smartest people I know are absolutely miserable, in fact. And you can almost guarantee that if your high achieving high school student does, God forbid, end up in the less-than-happy adult camp they will blame YOU for it.

That's why I said you may have a rude awakening ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy for OP's kid turning things around, but OP's post is insufferable. 1) It's self-congratulatory, 2) It's obnoxious gloating as to her siblings (and their children), and 3) It equates superior "winning" parenting with hyper helicoptering and college prestige. So, yes, let them crow. But we can find it very off putting.

So, basically your average DC parent and DCUM not-so-humble-brag poster? Yeah. I generally love living here but some of the people - woof - so tired of people who graduated decades ago having to shoehorn into every conversation that they went to an Ivy or SLAC and then reliving that through their kids.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of a family member who was always kind of envious of a friend whose kid who went to HYP and was then very prominent/successful (most of you would know who this person is). Well this person's "successful" kid was later found to have engaged in pretty horrific sexual harassment and was outed during Me Too and lost his job. Meanwhile this family member's kids are all gainfully employed, happily married and are good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of a family member who was always kind of envious of a friend whose kid who went to HYP and was then very prominent/successful (most of you would know who this person is). Well this person's "successful" kid was later found to have engaged in pretty horrific sexual harassment and was outed during Me Too and lost his job. Meanwhile this family member's kids are all gainfully employed, happily married and are good people.

Yup. I have a family member whose smart, good-looking son went to an extremely selective law school in a country where this type of thing brings a huge level of status to the parents and family. Son married a beautiful TV reporter and had kids, etc. Son became a top prosecutor but ended up going to prison for accepting a bribe and basically now has to work as his dad's assistant as he is unemployable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

Why would they need to develop a passion? (Ridiculous overused word) Why isn’t classes and college life enough. You need to start backing away slowly

[Anonymous]

I have never felt at war with other parents. I can't imagine approaching life this way.

[Anonymous]

Instead of treating all this like a war with other parents for some prize that may not mean that much in the long run, why not focus on raising your kids to be well-adjusted adults?

[Anonymous]

OP you should watch Into the Woods (the filmed version of the original production not the movie Disney made). You are the part where they all sing about how happy they are right before intermission. But life is long and doing what you can to make sure your kids are actually good people is not easy. Children will listen….

[Anonymous]

It’s clear this is your oldest child!

Congrats on feeling good. Enjoy the peaceful period. Rest up for whatever comes next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

This is gross bragging. You probably caused your kid’s anxiety. Lets see how he does when you’re not breathing down his back. Getting into college is just the beginning. You sound like such an unhumble clout chaser.

Actually the parents responding so negatively to this thread sound envious and just jealous as their kid probably did not turn out what they hoped for which is very common.
Good job raising a great kid op! 🎉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of only children are hilarious. You have no idea how your parenting worked unless you have multiple kids with various personalities, challenges, etc. Sorry not sorry.

Nobody made you have multiple kids. You could have stopped at 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

Agree. It’s the exception to the norm. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of only children are hilarious. You have no idea how your parenting worked unless you have multiple kids with various personalities, challenges, etc. Sorry not sorry.

Nobody made you have multiple kids. You could have stopped at 1.

that doesn't really follow.