I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

What really matters is who your kid surrounds themselves with. So far you have managed this process and now the tough phase begins where they have to make the right choices when no guard rails exist. Congrats and good luck to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Wars? LOL. You “live and let live,” yet there are parenting “wars”? OK.

[Anonymous]

"I feel like I won the parenting wars"

I don't get this. War against whom?

[Anonymous]

We have three DC and one is at an SEC, one in a good T50-T75 school, and the last is heading to an Ivy League school. They all got to their university largely on their own with minimal input from parents, no tutors, and regular, run-of-the-mill ECs.
Congrats, OP but keep in mind some parents do all the right things, but kids can still go off the rails. IMO, I am justified feeling pretty lucky, but not sanctimonious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I feel like I won the parenting wars"

I don't get this. War against whom?

Good question.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so snug. They haven't launched as an adult yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

These will come back. Your parenting style gave these to him and thy will never leave him. Don’t brag as you don’t know what is on the horizon. He might even blame you for his mental problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

Good lord what a Debbie downer (and I say that as someone who did struggle terribly in college)- let OP have her moment of happiness!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

This! Lots of overly anxious kids at top schools - ducks. Calm on the surface, peddling like crazy beneath- one grade away from a breakdown.

[Anonymous]

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

We'll be moving to a suburb near the college to prevent any mishaps during the next 4 years!
#ParentingFTW

Is this from you, OP? It sounds like you don’t trust your kid yet if you’re doing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The “live and let live” parents may not have been thinking this was a competition all along. You have put your child in an enviable position but from now on it’s what they do with it that matters. With hard work and dedication they can succeed if they want to — and so can the children of the parents who “lost.”

This is so true. Not every family views raising a kid, college, and whatever else as a competition.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey, you still have a lot of micromanaging left to do. Don't stop now. The stakes are too high!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three DC and one is at an SEC, one in a good T50-T75 school, and the last is heading to an Ivy League school. They all got to their university largely on their own with minimal input from parents, no tutors, and regular, run-of-the-mill ECs.
Congrats, OP but keep in mind some parents do all the right things, but kids can still go off the rails. IMO, I am justified feeling pretty lucky, but not sanctimonious.

There is an advantage to having multiple kids. You realize that despite the same parenting the outcomes will be different. Even the most well meaning parents have kids who go off the rails. The goal is not to get into places but thrive. It is easier for kids to do well if they did most of the heavy lifting to get into places by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So all along you thought it was a competition? Huh. Try some grace and humility.

+1
These people are crazy and probably social pariahs, as are their kids. Most of us just want happy, self-sufficient kids - that’s what winning really is!