Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Without your own sex therapist license number and proven stats you are just polluting the air here with empty statements and personal accusations

That's why we have statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And you appear to be doing the same, and it's even worse since no one asked about your very lackluster and depressing sound sexual life, but you want to talk about it nonetheless, despite everything sounding grim and depressing.

And? First , it’s just a study from two universities not something widely recognized. Second, the conclusion of the article you’ve shared is that people who incorporate it in their bedroom largely find it satisfying . You claims are that it’s violent, non-committal, exploitative and rigid.

“ This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.”

The conclusion is that it's influenced by the rise in porn, lol. Which is deeply embarrassing. Again, many BDSMers are just lame porn addicts or CSA survivors who havent worked through their trauma. You wanted stats, there they are. There is nothing transgressive about a sexual style that marches in lockstep with popular culture and traditional cultural values- rather it's stale and boring. A lot of these people have just watched way too much porn, to the point where they have to play out these scenes from movies rather than being authentically involved with their partners.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Without your own sex therapist license number and proven stats you are just polluting the air here with empty statements and personal accusations

That's why we have statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And you appear to be doing the same, and it's even worse since no one asked about your very lackluster and depressing sound sexual life, but you want to talk about it nonetheless, despite everything sounding grim and depressing.

And? First , it’s just a study from two universities not something widely recognized. Second, the conclusion of the article you’ve shared is that people who incorporate it in their bedroom largely find it satisfying . You claims are that it’s violent, non-committal, exploitative and rigid.

“ This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.”

The conclusion is that it's influenced by the rise in porn, lol. Which is deeply embarrassing. Again, many BDSMers are just lame porn addicts or CSA survivors who havent worked through their trauma. You wanted stats, there they are. There is nothing transgressive about a sexual style that marches in lockstep with popular culture and traditional cultural values- rather it's stale and boring. A lot of these people have just watched way too much porn, to the point where they have to play out these scenes from movies rather than being authentically involved with their partners.

It’s YOUR conclusion but not the article’s conclusion. Not sure why you are so ashamed of others porn use. Shouldn't be your concern if you ate healthy as you claim. You remind me those deeply gay Catholic priests who were at war with gays

And porn, like any other media, just shows the amplified version of what many people find sexually satisfying.

As long as people find something satisfying in their bedroom, it’s up to them to use these sex practices

It's literally the conclusion of the article. How can you be so obtuse as to misread the ENTIRE premise of the article? What is your IQ?

Why would I be "ashamed" of other's porn use? Pointing out a dysfunctional addiction, or mocking it, or pointing out that another behavior is directly tied to said addiction, is not shame. Maybe youre projecting your own feelings about your porn usage since you so vociferously denied the documented fact that BDSM is often tied to porn addiction, and claimed there was no such tie, and now appear to be backtracking and just trying to say said tie is NBD? I guess you dont want the psychological roots of your sexual "urges" dragged out into the light... I suspect because you truly consider your BDSM tendencies as edgy, transgressive, and cool, while the reality is it's much more typical of porn addicts who spend too much time alone in a dark room jerking off by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Without your own sex therapist license number and proven stats you are just polluting the air here with empty statements and personal accusations

That's why we have statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And you appear to be doing the same, and it's even worse since no one asked about your very lackluster and depressing sound sexual life, but you want to talk about it nonetheless, despite everything sounding grim and depressing.

And? First , it’s just a study from two universities not something widely recognized. Second, the conclusion of the article you’ve shared is that people who incorporate it in their bedroom largely find it satisfying . You claims are that it’s violent, non-committal, exploitative and rigid.

“ This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.”

The conclusion is that it's influenced by the rise in porn, lol. Which is deeply embarrassing. Again, many BDSMers are just lame porn addicts or CSA survivors who havent worked through their trauma. You wanted stats, there they are. There is nothing transgressive about a sexual style that marches in lockstep with popular culture and traditional cultural values- rather it's stale and boring. A lot of these people have just watched way too much porn, to the point where they have to play out these scenes from movies rather than being authentically involved with their partners.

It’s YOUR conclusion but not the article’s conclusion. Not sure why you are so ashamed of others porn use. Shouldn't be your concern if you ate healthy as you claim. You remind me those deeply gay Catholic priests who were at war with gays

And porn, like any other media, just shows the amplified version of what many people find sexually satisfying.

As long as people find something satisfying in their bedroom, it’s up to them to use these sex practices

It's literally the conclusion of the article. How can you be so obtuse as to misread the ENTIRE premise of the article? What is your IQ?

Why would I be "ashamed" of other's porn use? Pointing out a dysfunctional addiction, or mocking it, or pointing out that another behavior is directly tied to said addiction, is not shame. Maybe youre projecting your own feelings about your porn usage since you so vociferously denied the documented fact that BDSM is often tied to porn addiction, and claimed there was no such tie, and now appear to be backtracking and just trying to say said tie is NBD? I guess you dont want the psychological roots of your sexual "urges" dragged out into the light... I suspect because you truly consider your BDSM tendencies as edgy, transgressive, and cool, while the reality is it's much more typical of porn addicts who spend too much time alone in a dark room jerking off by themselves.

Please re-read the article conclusion again. Aloud. 10 times. I cited it above and anyone with basic reading skills would understand the conclusion as largely positive about BDSM (regardless of how people came to it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Without your own sex therapist license number and proven stats you are just polluting the air here with empty statements and personal accusations

That's why we have statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And you appear to be doing the same, and it's even worse since no one asked about your very lackluster and depressing sound sexual life, but you want to talk about it nonetheless, despite everything sounding grim and depressing.

And? First , it’s just a study from two universities not something widely recognized. Second, the conclusion of the article you’ve shared is that people who incorporate it in their bedroom largely find it satisfying . You claims are that it’s violent, non-committal, exploitative and rigid.

“ This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.”

The conclusion is that it's influenced by the rise in porn, lol. Which is deeply embarrassing. Again, many BDSMers are just lame porn addicts or CSA survivors who havent worked through their trauma. You wanted stats, there they are. There is nothing transgressive about a sexual style that marches in lockstep with popular culture and traditional cultural values- rather it's stale and boring. A lot of these people have just watched way too much porn, to the point where they have to play out these scenes from movies rather than being authentically involved with their partners.

It’s YOUR conclusion but not the article’s conclusion. Not sure why you are so ashamed of others porn use. Shouldn't be your concern if you ate healthy as you claim. You remind me those deeply gay Catholic priests who were at war with gays

And porn, like any other media, just shows the amplified version of what many people find sexually satisfying.

As long as people find something satisfying in their bedroom, it’s up to them to use these sex practices

It's literally the conclusion of the article. How can you be so obtuse as to misread the ENTIRE premise of the article? What is your IQ?

Why would I be "ashamed" of other's porn use? Pointing out a dysfunctional addiction, or mocking it, or pointing out that another behavior is directly tied to said addiction, is not shame. Maybe youre projecting your own feelings about your porn usage since you so vociferously denied the documented fact that BDSM is often tied to porn addiction, and claimed there was no such tie, and now appear to be backtracking and just trying to say said tie is NBD? I guess you dont want the psychological roots of your sexual "urges" dragged out into the light... I suspect because you truly consider your BDSM tendencies as edgy, transgressive, and cool, while the reality is it's much more typical of porn addicts who spend too much time alone in a dark room jerking off by themselves.

Please re-read the article conclusion again. Aloud. 10 times. I cited it above and anyone with basic reading skills would understand the conclusion as largely positive about BDSM (regardless of how people came to it).

Please read the bolded bullet points at the top of the article again. Aloud. 10 times. Regardless of whether the author attempts to spin it negatively or positively, which really doesnt matter at all for the point of where BDSM interest starts.

[Anonymous]

I really can't understand how anyone could like this stuff.

OP let this guy go so a nice woman can marry him.

There are plenty of degenerates out there for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Without your own sex therapist license number and proven stats you are just polluting the air here with empty statements and personal accusations

That's why we have statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And you appear to be doing the same, and it's even worse since no one asked about your very lackluster and depressing sound sexual life, but you want to talk about it nonetheless, despite everything sounding grim and depressing.

And? First , it’s just a study from two universities not something widely recognized. Second, the conclusion of the article you’ve shared is that people who incorporate it in their bedroom largely find it satisfying . You claims are that it’s violent, non-committal, exploitative and rigid.

“ This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.”

The conclusion is that it's influenced by the rise in porn, lol. Which is deeply embarrassing. Again, many BDSMers are just lame porn addicts or CSA survivors who havent worked through their trauma. You wanted stats, there they are. There is nothing transgressive about a sexual style that marches in lockstep with popular culture and traditional cultural values- rather it's stale and boring. A lot of these people have just watched way too much porn, to the point where they have to play out these scenes from movies rather than being authentically involved with their partners.

It’s YOUR conclusion but not the article’s conclusion. Not sure why you are so ashamed of others porn use. Shouldn't be your concern if you ate healthy as you claim. You remind me those deeply gay Catholic priests who were at war with gays

And porn, like any other media, just shows the amplified version of what many people find sexually satisfying.

As long as people find something satisfying in their bedroom, it’s up to them to use these sex practices

It's literally the conclusion of the article. How can you be so obtuse as to misread the ENTIRE premise of the article? What is your IQ?

Why would I be "ashamed" of other's porn use? Pointing out a dysfunctional addiction, or mocking it, or pointing out that another behavior is directly tied to said addiction, is not shame. Maybe youre projecting your own feelings about your porn usage since you so vociferously denied the documented fact that BDSM is often tied to porn addiction, and claimed there was no such tie, and now appear to be backtracking and just trying to say said tie is NBD? I guess you dont want the psychological roots of your sexual "urges" dragged out into the light... I suspect because you truly consider your BDSM tendencies as edgy, transgressive, and cool, while the reality is it's much more typical of porn addicts who spend too much time alone in a dark room jerking off by themselves.

Please re-read the article conclusion again. Aloud. 10 times. I cited it above and anyone with basic reading skills would understand the conclusion as largely positive about BDSM (regardless of how people came to it).

DP. You are reading the last sentence of the article and the other PP is reading the conclusion from the study on pathways to BDSM. Even if the sentence you cited was a “conclusion,” it’s not a conclusion to how people get started into it.

I’m the poster above who said that I found your roles rigid. I still do. As the poster above said, if the priority for you is that he’s in charge, it is rigid. I’m not sure I care enough to discuss this with you, but you (and a few other posters) really want everything to think what you do in bed is shocking and transgressive poster. (Thinking of the librarian poster). I mean I don’t actually care what consenting adults do. But if you post about man dominating woman on the internet as shocking, I’m going to tell you that’s a tale literally as old as time.

[Anonymous]

This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.

It shows decisively that they got into largely because of porn usage. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.

It shows decisively that they got into largely because of porn usage. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And? Maybe porn usage within healthy limits is not as harmful as you claim, if it results in people coming to sex practices that largely improve their sex life . Some couples watch it together

There are many more harmful things - stealing, alcohol drugs etc that should concern the humanity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This study shows that however people begin playing with elements of BDSM, they often find it sufficiently powerful, seductive, and compelling to continue that kind of erotic play.

It shows decisively that they got into largely because of porn usage. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202406/why-do-people-begin-exploring-bdsm

And? Maybe porn usage within healthy limits is not as harmful as you claim, if it results in people coming to sex practices that largely improve their sex life . Some couples watch it together

There are many more harmful things - stealing, alcohol drugs etc that should concern the humanity

And the point is that you've been denying that BDSM has ties to porn addiction to several stages now. As another poster pointed out, you also want to position BDSM as some transgressive or edgy things when it's really just LARPing and role playing the exact same dynamic that you see in most porn films. There is nothing bold or unique or independent, it's two people acting out a scene from a movie because they were sexually conditioned to get excited by that. So yes, BDSM is absolutely a red flag for a porn addiction and very embarrassing as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Is it even a kink then or just normal behaviour?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

You've never seen porn or "rarely watched it" in comparison to your friends?

it's naive to think kinks just exist on their own with zero cultural context. The reality is, most people who act out kinks do so as a result of cultural conditioning. For example, "cuck" fantasies are fairly widespread in the US but much, much rarer in Europe due to different cultural standards. Most people think they come to their kinks independently when the reality is theyve mostly been conditioned and eaten up without questioning anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much about what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

*then