Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

I found this awesome guy who is pretty much everything I’ve wanted and envisioned my husband to be but the sex is lacking. He makes great money, treats me well, our lifestyle and future goals are aligned, we get along super well, and life is just easy with him. I know that you can’t have everything in one partner but I was hoping the sex would be more than just mediocre. Is it worth it to forego great sex for a great man?

[Anonymous]

Teach him.

"No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." Mr. Miyagi.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

[Anonymous]

He isn't comfortable with your perversions. Don't make him do something he's not comfortable with. Move on, if that is so important to you.

[Anonymous]

Depends. DH and I had great but probably very vanilla for you sex the first year of our relationship. Now it's decent but with kids and life it's not a priority. I'd like it to be a little spicier but I'm not sacrificing my otherwise amazing life for physical pleasure. But that's my attitude. Yours may be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He isn't comfortable with your perversions. Don't make him do something he's not comfortable with. Move on, if that is so important to you.

“ perversions”. It’s not a perversion and I don’t make him do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. DH and I had great but probably very vanilla for you sex the first year of our relationship. Now it's decent but with kids and life it's not a priority. I'd like it to be a little spicier but I'm not sacrificing my otherwise amazing life for physical pleasure. But that's my attitude. Yours may be different.

This has what I wonder. Sex make be mediocre now but fine 10+ years when I prefer quickies or easy sex.

I don’t always need rough. I definitely like plain old sex. He just doesn’t last super long. He’s great in some areas but not others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found this awesome guy who is pretty much everything I’ve wanted and envisioned my husband to be but the sex is lacking. He makes great money, treats me well, our lifestyle and future goals are aligned, we get along super well, and life is just easy with him. I know that you can’t have everything in one partner but I was hoping the sex would be more than just mediocre. Is it worth it to forego great sex for a great man?

Only you can answer what's more important for you. Just don't plan on settling now and complaining or cheating later.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him about it. It’s all about communication. If he can’t or won’t communicate and work with you then move on if it’s very important to you. For me, my first marriage the sex was always mediocre because we didn’t communicate well. Now the sex is amazing in my second marriage and it’s all because we communicate well. It didn’t start off amazing, it took some work from both of us.

[Anonymous]

I'm dating a guy who is a very good lover, but he wasn't very experienced with the spicier version that I like. I didn't have a lot of this type of sex myself either, but I have an imagination and I asked him if he'd like to try some of those things. It was difficult for him in the beginning, but he caught on and now he loves it. He's the best and most giving lover that I've ever had and an eager student. Just give it some time. He may end up loving the spicier versions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

Don’t do this. He’ll just get butthurt and won’t get better. I had the experience of someone deciding that rather than working to improve, they would prefer to just get their meets met as quickly as possible. So I lived through increasing selfishness until I got away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. DH and I had great but probably very vanilla for you sex the first year of our relationship. Now it's decent but with kids and life it's not a priority. I'd like it to be a little spicier but I'm not sacrificing my otherwise amazing life for physical pleasure. But that's my attitude. Yours may be different.

This has what I wonder. Sex make be mediocre now but fine 10+ years when I prefer quickies or easy sex.

I don’t always need rough. I definitely like plain old sex. He just doesn’t last super long. He’s great in some areas but not others.

Quickies aren’t necessarily quick for men when they get older, so you’ll have to sit through him taking longer and longer. Imagine a boring tv show, and then make it into a movie.

Get out if you can.

[Anonymous]

What’s your Body count and what’s his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

Don’t do this. He’ll just get butthurt and won’t get better. I had the experience of someone deciding that rather than working to improve, they would prefer to just get their meets met as quickly as possible. So I lived through increasing selfishness until I got away.

Better to know that’s who you are dealing with sooner than later. All the more reason to communicate.