Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

[Anonymous]

For those of us not in the know, what is “vanilla sex”?

Also how old are you and are you good looking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the sex is mediocre because OP isn't that sexy.

+100 That’s what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

You are a pervert and into BDSM
You complain because your man isn’t a pervert?
Are you ok?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

Yawn. Once again the compulsion to regale is all with details about your fascinating sex life. Newsflash: we're all on a parenting forum, we all have partners and sex too. But it's always the kinksters who want to rhapsodize about it and drone on to some captive audience when the reality is none of us care, we're all having fulfilling bedroom time too, but non-kinksters never seem to feel the compunction to performatively detail every aspect for it. I'm sorry to tell you but no one cares.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

You claim not to discuss your sex life, yet here you are broadcasting it for all of DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you my friend? She constantly dates losers who are good in bed and when a nice guy who is "just okay" at sex comes a-knockin' she's not interested.

Because the nice, reliable guy is booooring and predictable. And that is not sexy. She sounds like my sister in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

You claim not to discuss your sex life, yet here you are broadcasting it for all of DC.

Did I give any details?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

Yawn. Once again the compulsion to regale is all with details about your fascinating sex life. Newsflash: we're all on a parenting forum, we all have partners and sex too. But it's always the kinksters who want to rhapsodize about it and drone on to some captive audience when the reality is none of us care, we're all having fulfilling bedroom time too, but non-kinksters never seem to feel the compunction to performatively detail every aspect for it. I'm sorry to tell you but no one cares.

Not regaling anything. Just pointing out tthat peoples pre conceived notions aren't always accurate and kinky people aren't all trauma victims or attention seekers. Just offering a different perspective. And based on a lot of posts not every is having sex and a lot aren't having good, let alone great sex.

[Anonymous]

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off.

Seek help from a professional who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:imagine saying the sex is bad because the guy won’t beat the crap out of you…and then getting mad when people tell you that’s not normal.

Exactly... and trying to blame the guy for it. Sorry, not everyone is sexually traumatized or needs to be in order to get their nut. Absolutely cringe.

There is a number of commenters here who try to disparage pretty non-violent innocent bedroom play for some reason. Hope you get your O in missionary at last, and stop worrying so much aabout what other women enjoy

I'm not the one whining about my trash sex life because I need to be called the c-word and hit in order to get off. Truly tragic. I'll continue to enjoy my AMAZING sex life, yes, in missionary and plenty of other positions, that's not based off trauma and oppression and genuinely feels fun and liberating and exploratory and joyful. You are certainly welcome to keep your very disappointing and frustrating sex life with a man who deosnt seem that into you...

Why are you so invested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms?

Why is someone begging for advice on a public forum about how to fix their awful, unsatisfying sex life but offended when people respond?

You’re the one that’s raging.

Yea, and she’s just clueless or jealous. A man who was lucky to experience great sex with no limits with a good sub in fact will be forever grateful and devoted to that woman.

DP; I never understand comments like this. With this dynamic where each person is in a constant role, by definition your experience is limited.

There are no constant roles or expectations how exactly each time would go. We have regular romantic sex as well just anyone else. I’m not arguing - it’s in fact the vanilla sex poster who is extremely aggressive in her judgments about others sex lives

DP. It sounds pretty rigid, assuming he's always playing the same role of dominant one and youre always submissive. And yes, you certainly are arguing. You also seem pretty aggressive in your judgements on characterization of "vanilla sex" despite admitting you engage in it occasionally.

I’m not. You however made several accusatory statements that men are not really into their partners, if they engage in role play, sex is subpar, not varied etc. You have no clue about other people relationships and if women desire this it means their experiences were positive

I have clues about basic psychology, and the rise in these "kinky" behaviors since porn usage became widespread. Or the fact that a much higher percentage of women who engage in these behavior are CSA victims. Calling out these facts is not an "accusatory statement", but rather a basic reality. I also have friends and realize that most of the women I know who are big into kink dont really seem able to maintain long term relationships with men, tend to report unsatisfying sex lives, dont get as much interest from men, etc. Again, if such information sharing triggers you, I urge you to avoid public forums where these kinds of discussions occur.

Guy here that rarely watched porn and never saw the kinks I have represented in porn.

My kinks all stem from actions or were discovered with woman in both intimate and non intimate scenarios.

A lot of my kinks are sensory related and 90% of them can be satisfied outside of the bedroom fully clothed, yet still deeply intimate situations.

Exactly - sone BDSM plays are not even sex acts ! People are truly clueless here. Him “ordering” me to unnoticeably put my soft bra in his pocket at dinner with friends. Or secretly “torturing” with a remote control toy hidden inside me… while everyone at dinner is clueless. They “rewarding” me after dinner at home
How come it’s so infuriating to people ??!

Seems like this started with actual sec. So you are moving the goalposts. Again.

What I described is part of role play that can be visual, communicative, and auditory

And?

It meant to say that you view role play very narrowly- as something violent, exploitative of women and rigid.
The same article and many studies say that extremely conservative and restrictive sexually upbringing can also result in kinks. Catholic priests who couldn’t marry were into little boys…

Think of it please. Women who didn’t have sexual freedoms in early stages of life, marry early for religious reasons, or under family pressure, tend to actively re-discover kinks and their sexuality post divorce

LOL youre just confirming that it almost always comes from people with regressive/outdated sexual views that then project it onto their experience of sex, basically echoing what all the people criticizing BDSM have already been saying. There is absolutely nothing that transgresses cultural norms, rather confirms them. It's mostly people with sexual trauma and porn issues who are drawn to BDSM, that's why sexually healthy people like OP's boyfriend get icked out by it.

No I was just saying it can appear in women who had completely “normal” student marriages and then divorced. Nobody oppressed them - they just married as that was right for society, kids, husbands etc. Did what was expected of them. They didn’t watch or were addicted to porn. Didn’t have orgasm like most married US women. Then they rediscover themselves post divorce when they have more access to sex literature, new partners etc.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Also don’t consider mild viewing of porn more harmful than eatables once a week

Being born and raised in regressive sexual backgrounds is also a form of trauma, so, again, you've just confirmed all the criticism. And the fact that many, many people engaging in BDSM are in fact just acting out the misogynistic and very old fashioned power dynamics they were raised in. They think theyre being edgy when theyre really playing out the same dynamics their grandma and grandpa had, lol. That's what's so funny about the fact that they think it's really something unique and shocking.

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off. If they didn’t feel like they were being subversive edgy baddies, then their kink would no longer hold appeal and they would move on to something else.

So the sensory reaction I have to a certain non sexual act my wife does, that literally gives me a euphoric high, is because you and people like you shame me?

Don’t give yourself that much credit.

DP but given the behavior and posts from most of the kinksters here, it seems the performative rebellion and imagined reactions/shock from bystanders is a major part of the psychological appeal.

There is nothing performative or fake about what I do. It has a single purpose, to provide my wife as much pleasure as possible. I get off on pleasing her. For me; a huge part of pleasing is finding new paths toward different forms of pleasure. My wife likes it when I lead us down those paths.

Frequently the steps toward that path are exploring our kinks. Her engaging in my kinks, without me asking, is a form of submission and a trigger to let me know she trusts me, wants me to lead and wants to explore with me.

We don’t discuss our non vanilla sex wife. Some of her friends know we aren’t vanilla, they don’t know to what extreme. That would be a violation of our intimacy. We have two rules. What we do stays between us and what we don’t ever involve others in intimacy.

You claim not to discuss your sex life, yet here you are broadcasting it for all of DC.

DP

It’s normal and expected for people to respond with perspective that differs from the generalizations you volunteer on a public forum.

The fact that needed to be explained to you speaks volumes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
...wearing his tie during sex, or being tied with it, and lacing his shoes...

Can someone explain "lacing his shoes"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
...wearing his tie during sex, or being tied with it, and lacing his shoes...

Can someone explain "lacing his shoes"?

I assume it’s literally getting close to the floor and putting on his shoes and doing up the laces. Kind of like my husband did for me when I was 9months pregnant but not so sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The really funny thing is that they literally need us “kink-shamers” in order to get off.

Seek help from a professional who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

DP, when this type of topic comes up on DCUM, there often is a poster or two who says how shocked their friends would be to know what they get up to. I always found that funny and a little self indulgent. Maybe the neighbors are doing even more interesting things?

[Anonymous]

DH and I aren't completely sexually compatible. I definitely like things that he's not comfortable doing and I would never push him to do them. I absolutely am kinkier and have a higher libido than him. We've been together 20 years. But he checks every other box you could possibly want in a partner and we are very, very happy. We still have a good sex life and have sex 2-3 times a week. He makes sure that I'm satisfied every time. In the end, giving up those parts of my sex life were worth it to be with the guy DH is. Is it more vanilla than what I'd like? Sure. Would I want to give up DH in order to have a kinkier sex life? Never.

Talk to him. DH and I talked and he discovered things I was into that he was into or that he was comfortable doing. You may find there are things he hasn't thought about that he may actually enjoy.