Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

My experience is that men generally want to step into a more dominant energy, especially sexually, but are waaaaay too scared to.

Scared of hurting you, of being wrong, and then on top of everything, shamed for giving it a try. It’s not a style, it’s about stepping into their power. If they can’t overcome the fear… that’s the problem.

Have YOU tried dirty talk or being more wild in bed and checking in if he likes it… and if so, that couples with good communication, can give him permission to let his wild side out too.

Deep down, who doesn’t want to be wild? And not just in bed….

[Anonymous]

Why is rough sex considered adventurous? How strange. That's actually pretty vanilla IME.

Just keep talking to your partner. Sometimes, it takes time for them to fully understand your needs. And sometimes, you just won't get that need met and have to decide how important it is to you.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if this is helpful but I just ended it with a much younger man who was kind, handsome, and muscular, but the sex was not great. I could not do it anymore. We were together for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if this is helpful but I just ended it with a much younger man who was kind, handsome, and muscular, but the sex was not great. I could not do it anymore. We were together for a year.

That also sounds like no chemistry

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and usually take control in bed, but I'm rarely rough. Two women have dumped me for that reason. It was embarrassing. I couldn't get them off.

Fortunately there have been other women who think I'm a mind reader, or at least very attuned to their needs. Different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

What is your goal, and how old are you?

I ask because I’m a woman who isn’t dating for marriage. I’m monogamous- but will not marry and don’t want to cohabitate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and usually take control in bed, but I'm rarely rough. Two women have dumped me for that reason. It was embarrassing. I couldn't get them off.

Fortunately there have been other women who think I'm a mind reader, or at least very attuned to their needs. Different strokes for different folks.

This.

But also communicate. Like with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

[Anonymous]

If you had a time machine and went to the future, 3 kids, big home, sex once a week, how important would it be really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He isn't comfortable with your perversions. Don't make him do something he's not comfortable with. Move on, if that is so important to you.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

So sad to see people being comfortable with having no morals and not feeling guilty after fornicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sad to see people being comfortable with having no morals and not feeling guilty after fornicating.

Oh goody, Church Lady has joined the chat!

[Anonymous]

Just ask him to call it F-wording for now. Then he can call you some degrading name eventually. Baby steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. DH and I had great but probably very vanilla for you sex the first year of our relationship. Now it's decent but with kids and life it's not a priority. I'd like it to be a little spicier but I'm not sacrificing my otherwise amazing life for physical pleasure. But that's my attitude. Yours may be different.

+1 After having kids, having a spouse that is a good parent and partner is way more important to me than good sex.

DH has never been great in bed. He even says so himself, but he tries to please me first, always. As long as he is not a selfish lover, I think you can teach him. And get toys. He should not be intimidated by them. DH got me a toy early on in our marriage. Years later, I got myself a different one, with his blessing.

IMO, the good sex won't mean as much if he is not a good life partner.