Dear MILs

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

It’s not a contest. There’s no such thing as the suffering Olympics.

You obviously had a hard pregnancy and are not handling the infant stage very well. But if I was your friend, I would ask how you were doing I wouldn’t say oh I’m not gonna ask you how you’re doing because my other best friend had a harder delivery. Do you get it?

It doesn’t matter if it’s par for course, people are allowed to ask you if you’re tired.

Right but I thought I was part of mil’s family as well and she didn’t ask about me.

It’s not that I’m saying she asked about me but because I went through worse she can’t ask about him as well.

She didn’t ask about me at all.

That’s like not asking about the friend who has cancer but then asking the friend who has a cold how they are holding up? It’s very tone deaf if you ask me.

A DIl is also family as well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

She is still allowed to ask him if he's tired. You're just not that important, the world doesn't revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

You said you switch off nights. You're getting a good night's sleep every other night. You don't realize how good you have it.

No I don’t have it good simply bc my husband does his job as a father. What are we in the 1940s where a man gets praised for simply changing a diaper on his own child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

She is still allowed to ask him if he's tired. You're just not that important, the world doesn't revolve around you.

Yes she’s is allowed but it’s tone deaf to ignore the person and not care about the person who went through the horrible pregnancy. It’s like she cares about her son but doesn’t give a shit about her DIl.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

Well you are wrong. He can and will be tired and that has nothing to do with how much mothering you do. It’s best for the child to have two fully involved parents.

The reason if she said you look tired you would say thank you is because she is showing empathy. That’s a good thing.

It’s really weird you are hung up on this… he should be mad sh er didn’t ask about you. Not every conversation is that deep.

People can’t read your mind if you want help, food, a visit, a babysitter you need to speak up and express your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

You said you switch off nights. You're getting a good night's sleep every other night. You don't realize how good you have it.

No I don’t have it good simply bc my husband does his job as a father. What are we in the 1940s where a man gets praised for simply changing a diaper on his own child.

Yes you do have it good. You're getting a good nights sleep because unlike the 1940s you don't have to do ALL the child care. How would that go for you? I'd actually feel bad for you if you were doing all the night wakings and someone dared to ask your husband why he looked tired. And no woman is going to tell another woman "you look tired" that means "you look like shit" and for sure your head would have exploded. Your MIL has your number.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

She is still allowed to ask him if he's tired. You're just not that important, the world doesn't revolve around you.

Yes she’s is allowed but it’s tone deaf to ignore the person and not care about the person who went through the horrible pregnancy. It’s like she cares about her son but doesn’t give a shit about her DIl.

No it’s not tone deaf. The pregnancy was 4 months + ago, let it go.

[Anonymous]

I am a mil and sorry but I will ask my son any question I want.

Him being married doesn’t mean I’m no longer his mother.

DILs have to understand a son doesn’t stop being a son because he is married and yes he is your husband but he fills other roles as well.

A husband remaining close and talking to his mom about his life isn’t him not being a loyal husband. He is allowed to remain close to his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

She is still allowed to ask him if he's tired. You're just not that important, the world doesn't revolve around you.

Yes she’s is allowed but it’s tone deaf to ignore the person and not care about the person who went through the horrible pregnancy. It’s like she cares about her son but doesn’t give a shit about her DIl.

Your pregnancy is long over with. She's not thinking about it. Move on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

Why no. Not everyone plans their conversations. Are they not supposed to speak when you leave the room?

There is no deeper motive she thought her son looked tired and she said well you look tired.

The point is for him to say yes while I’m tired thanks for noticing. I love you too.

Nobody is saying if your husband is tired that he’s being asked to do too much that’s kind of insane with thinking.

Are you saying that your husband can never be tired and if he is that you’re failing as a wife?

You know if she would’ve said wow you look tired you would’ve been so upset that she’s saying you look terrible or something. You would be like of course I’m tired I have a four month old. How dare you point that out?

I guess yea if my husband looks overly tired in my mind that means I am not doing enough of the mothering.

Also why would my husband thank his mother for noticing he seems tired. If looking tired isn’t a good characteristic? She isn’t saying you look handsome.

Also it would be super shitty of my husband to thank his mom for noticing he looks tired when he knows his mom didn’t care about his wife. He would be signing off on the behavior that it’s ok for his mom to not care about his wife. When his mom mentioned he looked tired I’m wondering why my husband didn’t immediately ask his mom and take up for his wife asking why when I went through hell with my pregnancy she didn’t ask about me.

And again she didn’t take the time to check on me or show concern when I was going through the difficult pregnancy.

She is still allowed to ask him if he's tired. You're just not that important, the world doesn't revolve around you.

Yes she’s is allowed but it’s tone deaf to ignore the person and not care about the person who went through the horrible pregnancy. It’s like she cares about her son but doesn’t give a shit about her DIl.

No it’s not tone deaf. The pregnancy was 4 months + ago, let it go.

At the time it happened she didn’t even ask. Yes it tone death to not ask about the person who had much more serious health issues.

My dad’s mom always showed care and concern for my mother as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

If he’s tired, why does it have to mean that it’s actually because of his wife??? I’m not following this logic. Also, aren’t men less likely to ask for help? It probably is assumed that OP would talk to her mom about her tiredness.

I also agree that many of us feel insulted when someone says we look tired. Maybe she asked when you were out of the room because she thought you’d get defensive. On its face, that comment seems neutral and I wouldn’t give energy to it.

But it sounds like your feelings are hurt. OP it’s better to clarify things with her, and be vulnerable to say your feelings were hurt. Don’t react in anger when you’re sad. In any situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

You said you switch off nights. You're getting a good night's sleep every other night. You don't realize how good you have it.

No I don’t have it good simply bc my husband does his job as a father. What are we in the 1940s where a man gets praised for simply changing a diaper on his own child.

Yes you do have it good. You're getting a good nights sleep because unlike the 1940s you don't have to do ALL the child care. How would that go for you? I'd actually feel bad for you if you were doing all the night wakings and someone dared to ask your husband why he looked tired. And no woman is going to tell another woman "you look tired" that means "you look like shit" and for sure your head would have exploded. Your MIL has your number.

That’s not having it good that it just the standard for how it should have always been.

A woman having equal rights doesn’t mean she has it good it means she has what should have been given to her all along.

Let’s be real men have it sooooo much easier in the parenting phase which is why I find it ironic that my mil is showing concern for my husband rather than me. She was a young mother once herself why doesn’t she ask me how it’s going, how I’m holding up, and how I’m feeling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

So they didn't bother to come out to help you postpartum? No phone calls? Nothing? Or did you forbid that because you wanted to do it all on your own and it would be this great fun bonding time. But that's not reality, and now you realize you that it's not working you lash at your MIL

My mom wanted to come out but I said no because my husband and I can handle it. She came out for a week when the baby was 2 months old.

As I thought. Narcissitc control freak.

So wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t apply the rules to both mil and my own mother?

A control freak? This is my own child. Don’t I as a mother have a right to say who and when can be around my child?

This is my own mother. Who else would make that decision?

Hmmm. Do mothers have a right or not? If you have the right now, at what point do you lose that right?

My mother doesn’t have more rights to my child than I do.

Interesting. Do you cease to be a mom when he gets married?

Umm no? But I know that I certainly won’t come before his wife or husband if he has one. And I know for sure it’s not my place to get involved in my grown son’s marriage either. I will know my place.

Telling your child they look tired is not “coming between” a marriage.

Then why wait until the wife isn’t around to say it? There is clearly a deeper motive there.

Also what’s her point in saying that? Does she hope her son will open up to her and say, “yes mom I’m so tired my wife makes me do my fair share in parenting as the child’s father.”

I’m tired too you know but mil didn’t give a rats ass about that.

If he’s tired, why does it have to mean that it’s actually because of his wife??? I’m not following this logic. Also, aren’t men less likely to ask for help? It probably is assumed that OP would talk to her mom about her tiredness.

I also agree that many of us feel insulted when someone says we look tired. Maybe she asked when you were out of the room because she thought you’d get defensive. On its face, that comment seems neutral and I wouldn’t give energy to it.

But it sounds like your feelings are hurt. OP it’s better to clarify things with her, and be vulnerable to say your feelings were hurt. Don’t react in anger when you’re sad. In any situation.

Yes my feelings are hurt because pre baby my mil and I had a close relationship then once I got pregnant it seems like all she cared about was her son’s well being and her grandchild.

I will address it to her. I’m surprised in all of these pages no one mentioned addressing it head on with my mil.

I’m not going to react in anger at all when I address it with my mil.

I will mention that I thought we had a good relationship so I was hurt when I had a a rough pregnancy she never reached out to me but when her son seems slightly tired she was concerned for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

You said you switch off nights. You're getting a good night's sleep every other night. You don't realize how good you have it.

No I don’t have it good simply bc my husband does his job as a father. What are we in the 1940s where a man gets praised for simply changing a diaper on his own child.

Yes you do have it good. You're getting a good nights sleep because unlike the 1940s you don't have to do ALL the child care. How would that go for you? I'd actually feel bad for you if you were doing all the night wakings and someone dared to ask your husband why he looked tired. And no woman is going to tell another woman "you look tired" that means "you look like shit" and for sure your head would have exploded. Your MIL has your number.

That’s not having it good that it just the standard for how it should have always been.

A woman having equal rights doesn’t mean she has it good it means she has what should have been given to her all along.

Let’s be real men have it sooooo much easier in the parenting phase which is why I find it ironic that my mil is showing concern for my husband rather than me. She was a young mother once herself why doesn’t she ask me how it’s going, how I’m holding up, and how I’m feeling?

You seem to have it all together why would she ask you.

If she asks you your going to say “why is she asking me does she think I’m incompetent “.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wtf with this obsession that you are an incubator. That’s not normal thinking.

Well my mil proved that to be the case when she never asked how I was doing but worried just about my husband and then when the doctor thought our child might have some issues which he didn’t mil was all concerned hence the incubator comment. So no concern for her DIl the actual human being carrying the child. So I’m merely an incubator.

So you’re right it’s not normal to view someone as an incubator but you’re telling that to the wrong person tell that to mil.

I literally had co workers CO WORKERS give me cards when my pregnancy got really tough. With family they should care more than co workers.

Do you try to control who your coworkers can speak to or do you act reasonably normal around them and allow them to speak to each other outside of your earshot?

Again the issue was if it was a mundane innocent question my mil was asking my husband why wait until I was out of the room to ask it? That’s what makes me think it was a passive aggressive comment and there’s more that meets the eye to it.

During all of my pregnancy trouble she didn’t give a shit about how I was feeling or what I was going through but yet her precious baby boy seems a little tired and mommy needs to check up on him and fix it.

Doesn’t she realize that his wife will check up on him as his wife and make sure he is ok.

No, a wife doesn’t all alone fulfill all her H’s needs, nor will a h fulfill all his W’s needs.

Ok but I was going through a lot more major issues than my husband ever was and not once did my mil ask about me or show any concern.

Isn’t being tired kinda part for the course for a first time parent of a young baby?

You said you switch off nights. You're getting a good night's sleep every other night. You don't realize how good you have it.

No I don’t have it good simply bc my husband does his job as a father. What are we in the 1940s where a man gets praised for simply changing a diaper on his own child.

Yes you do have it good. You're getting a good nights sleep because unlike the 1940s you don't have to do ALL the child care. How would that go for you? I'd actually feel bad for you if you were doing all the night wakings and someone dared to ask your husband why he looked tired. And no woman is going to tell another woman "you look tired" that means "you look like shit" and for sure your head would have exploded. Your MIL has your number.

That’s not having it good that it just the standard for how it should have always been.

A woman having equal rights doesn’t mean she has it good it means she has what should have been given to her all along.

Let’s be real men have it sooooo much easier in the parenting phase which is why I find it ironic that my mil is showing concern for my husband rather than me. She was a young mother once herself why doesn’t she ask me how it’s going, how I’m holding up, and how I’m feeling?

Explain to me how taking care of a baby every other night makes you some sleep loss martyr? I'm not sure you're cut out for parenting. You have 1 baby, that you switch off nights on, and apparently you are very tired, as your husband must be too but nobody is allowed to ask him about it? You seem desperate to want to prove that you can handle it but really, you're not are you?