Grades - I screwed up
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Anonymous
Most people don't play D1 in their sport, so we often approach coaching to benefit everyone on the team in terms of development as a player and character. |
Anonymous
Maybe your kid can get an A in rhetoric and teach you about straw men. |
Anonymous
FTW!!! 
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Anonymous
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I feel you OP. I too have a high achieving DD. She and I both know that her chances are low of getting into an elite school but we both also know her chance goes to zero without keeping her grades high. So she puts a lot of pressure on herself. Although I don’t always succeed, I believe my job is to help her dial down the self-imposed pressure. This is child specific of course.
Here is what I do. I talk a lot with her about doing what is in her control but not worrying about what is not in her control. Did she do her best on a test but she didn’t understand something and she got a lower than usual grade? Well that’s what learning is all about and how can she figure out how to get ahead of the material. Did she do poorly because she blew something off? Well that’s on her and it’s ok to feel mad at yourself about that. That being said, we talk about how we are human and we make bad choices occasionally and talk about what an appropriate amount of slack she should give herself. I would never try to manage her grades with a spreadsheet - I don’t keep track of her stuff. If she is self motivated, she’ll figure out a system that works for her (or ask for help from me or someone else to come up with a system). Oh and I wake her up every day because she doesn’t like alarms and I like to do it for her. |
Anonymous
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I feel like this is a made up story.
How can you be mad at your child for 84%? That's a good grade. For some subjects/tests that might be ne of the highest grades. If true, it's sad to see that parents expect so much from kids, let them be...! |
Anonymous
| Please don't do this to your kid. Even if YOU think she is capable of getting straight As. It's not teaching her to make mistakes, fail, own it and come back up without beating herself. She's going to grow up feeling afraid to take a risk and miserable if she doesn't reach the standard that she (and you) set. You don't want your kid to have anxiety and depression. |
Anonymous
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"I should have stated clearly, the 84 was extremely upsetting to her. She understands the stakes."
The stakes? What are the stakes? Even if she had an 84 in the class-- She might go to UMD or Ohio State instead of Stanford? Will that mean she is a less happy, less adjusted, functioning successful person? No. This whole thread makes me incredibly sad-- for your daughter and for you, given the intense pushback. I have a kid who has pretty much straight As (not ALL) who is currently applying the college. It is a crapshoot. There is no way I would want my kid to have focused on getting into an elite school all through HS, because guess what? there are no guarantees. With all the As, great activities, leadership, etc, it is still a crapshoot. And, in the end it doesn't matter. I want her to be happy. I want her to be well rounded and have friends and interests. Kids all around this area are in therapy, completely stressed, and there have been a rash of suicides (yes-- this is not hyberpole) here and at the Ivy Leagues because of kids who are not living up to their own or their parents' measures of success. Please, you have time-- I hope you begin to focus on the whole kid and her mental health. You have a long time with this kid in HS. Let her be a kid. When she says she wants to go to an elite school, say "that is nice, there are lots of great schools for you." That is not discouraging her dream-- that is recognizing the reality. You recognize it by not focusing on it-- NOT by focusing soleley on the goal-- that is not dream vs. reality. Reality is realizing she is young, and this is not a real dream or a healthy one. What happens when she works her ass off for 4 years, is miserable, gets all As and doesn't get into a Top 20 school (because that is the likely path here--talk to others around you). What will she do then, when her whole focus and goal has been on something unpredictable and meaningless. I hope you start some therapy. I hope you heal. |
Anonymous
Funny. You likely didn’t get an A in Philosophy 101. But you think you can debate. Guessing MBA or Lawyer track. Do you twerps even know what a straw man is? Hint, it’s not the fall decorations outside your house, it’s you! |
Anonymous
She can get A’s. Maybe your kids can’t. She screwed up. There’s no anxiety or depression. She knows she ducked up. |
Anonymous
My daughter isn’t shopping husbands at undergrad. Maybe you could cheer her on. She’s an excellent student. We don’t need therapy. An 85 is a B, and not a great grade. Why is that so hard to understand? |
Anonymous
Walk away, troll. Walk away. |
Anonymous
And with this, OP, you have confirmed that you really do think the appropriate reaction to getting a B on a single test in 9th grade (for both you and your daughter) is for to lose your $@%ing minds over it. Have fun with that! |
Anonymous
A) that’s not what a rhetorical straw man is and B) a man made of straw on my porch is definitely also a straw man |
Anonymous
| Guys. Have you paid attention to what the OP has written? The way it’s written? This is most likely a kid having some fun with a thread they know will get reactions. It’s why they keep dipping in and making comments to keep it stirred up. Many of the comments they have said also would not be said by an adult. |
Anonymous
I’m a teacher and unfortunately this talk is all too familiar from parents. It is upsetting and the worst part of my job. |