Grades - I screwed up

[Anonymous]

84 and she tried her best? You should deal with issues.

84 and she has some missing homework assignments/hasn't been giving it her all? Call her out on it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. If my kid brings home an 84 I’m happy! She can get Bs. She’s still going to have a good life.

+1
I’d be thrilled if my kids would just make straight Bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

You need serious help. She isn't going to make it to college at all if you keep this up for 4 years. She is in 9th grade. She needs to live her life. She got an 84.
Please get help unless you want her cutting and feeling suicidal due to being so trapped and panicked at her inability to be perfect, to meet your expectations. I used to work in an adolescent psych ward and this was one of the not uncommon presentations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

Wow. I really hope you are not real because if so, you need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

What your kid needs to know is that you love her no matter what grades she makes. She needs to know that everybody makes mistakes and what is important is how you recover from mistakes. She also needs to no have you invested in her getting into a elite college. Please be gentler with her.

[Anonymous]

You are not “hands off” if you make her load all her grades into a spreadsheet! Are you for real?

Apologize now while you still can... but you have to mean it. It can’t be “I’m sorry BUT we expect more” or “I’m sorry BUT an 84 is not acceptable.” It has to be sincere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

This did not help your case at all. In 9th grade, she has a college in mind (to 20, I’m sure). Also, your missive is riddled with contradictions. You’re hands off, yet you require her to maintain an Excel spreadsheet? Grades don’t matter, but you laid into her for an 84? C’mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sit her down and apologize. Profusely. Let her know you made a mistake. Not only does she deserve an apology, but you'll be acknowledging that people aren't perfect, which is a lesson you really, really, really need to learn.

+1 to this. And try to think of and give examples of other times when you've made a mistake. Show her that you're human, not some robot. Help her see your more human side. You're going to have to work at this a bit to rebuild her trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not “hands off” if you make her load all her grades into a spreadsheet! Are you for real?

Apologize now while you still can... but you have to mean it. It can’t be “I’m sorry BUT we expect more” or “I’m sorry BUT an 84 is not acceptable.” It has to be sincere.

Exactly. Why aren't you just looking at the student portal like other parents?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I hear you all. OP here.

She wants a school that’s hard to get into. She’s wanted it for various reasons on her own. I’m really not a helicopter parent. I’m here to tell her you’re aiming for x, you aren’t going to get there without y.

I’m a loving mom who wants to guide their kids in the direction and path they chose. She wants to achieve something and I’m part of guiding her there. I’m not a monster.

Not an elitist either. It’s my kid driving this train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

You're insane. How long before she hates you? She might already, and she'd be right to. You think you're hands off but you require her to put her work into an Excel spreadsheet? At 14?

Seriously, go see a therapist, you're a living nightmare. YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I hear you all. OP here.

She wants a school that’s hard to get into. She’s wanted it for various reasons on her own. I’m really not a helicopter parent. I’m here to tell her you’re aiming for x, you aren’t going to get there without y.

I’m a loving mom who wants to guide their kids in the direction and path they chose. She wants to achieve something and I’m part of guiding her there. I’m not a monster.

Not an elitist either. It’s my kid driving this train.

Then leave her alone. Back off. And stop with this bullshit excel nonsense. She's either motivated to do it, or not. But you're coming off as a controlling insane shrew.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I’ve made a million mistakes. We talk a lot about my biggest foibles at home. Lots of laughter.. I tell them to never be scared of failing, biggest lessons learned in life.

What I’m looking for is someone out there with a kid with big dreams, you have realism, not squashing those dreams. Because, I just totally squashed my kid the other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you posted something that makes you look so terrible.

Oh, get over yourself. That's what DCUM is for.

OP, I applaud your honesty.