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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"I should have stated clearly, the 84 was extremely upsetting to her. She understands the stakes."

The stakes? What are the stakes?  Even if she had an 84 in the class-- She might go to UMD or Ohio State instead of Stanford?  Will that mean she is a less happy, less adjusted, functioning successful person?  No.

This whole thread makes me incredibly sad-- for your daughter and for you, given the intense pushback.  I have a kid who has pretty much straight As (not ALL) who is currently applying the college.  It is a crapshoot.  There is no way I would want my kid to have focused on getting into an elite school all through HS, because guess what? there are no guarantees.  With all the As, great activities, leadership, etc, it is still a crapshoot. And, in the end it doesn't matter.  I want her to be happy. I want her to be well rounded and have friends and interests.

Kids all around this area are in therapy, completely stressed, and there have been a rash of suicides (yes-- this is not hyberpole) here and at the Ivy Leagues because of kids who are not living up to their own or their parents' measures of success.

Please, you have time-- I hope you begin to focus on the whole kid and her mental health.  You have a long time with this kid in HS.  Let her be a kid.  When she says she wants to go to an elite school, say "that is nice, there are lots of great schools for you."  That is not discouraging her dream-- that is recognizing the reality.  You recognize it by not focusing on it-- NOT by focusing soleley on the goal-- that is not dream vs. reality.  Reality is realizing she is young, and this is not a real dream or a healthy one.  What happens when she works her ass off for 4 years, is miserable, gets all As and doesn't get into a Top 20 school (because that is the likely path here--talk to others around you).  What will she do then, when her whole focus and goal has been on something unpredictable and meaningless.

I hope you start some therapy.  I hope you heal.  [/quote]

My daughter isn’t shopping husbands at undergrad. Maybe you could cheer her on. She’s an excellent student. We don’t need therapy. An 85 is a B, and not a great grade. Why is that so hard to understand? [/quote]

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