Grades - I screwed up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Go Nats! I’m sure their parents held them back. Funny, isn’t it watching the best of the best.

To play at that level requires a parent who believed in you, your talent and lots and lots of practice.

And telling you an 84 B is not going to get you where you want to go.

You are a troll, right? You admitted to everything else, why not admit you are a troll? At least then we would know that a poor child is not emotionally abused by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a kid of parents who had high expectations. My sister and I both ended up at top 20 research universities for undergrad and grad school, and have enjoyed career success.

However, my parents were never like you, OP. I actually distinctly remember bringing home an 84 on a science test in 7th grade (science was never my strong suit). I FLIPPED out, getting in the car and telling my mom, "I failed the test."

She looked at me and said, "You failed?! What did you get?" I was otherwise a straight A student, so me failing a test would've been really unusual.

When I told her I got an 84 she said, "NEVER say you failed if you got an 84. That's a solid grade. Let's go home and figure out where you got things wrong, and then you should go to the teacher and ask for extra work to help you improve for next time."

That's how to parent. And clearly that 84 didn't stop me from getting into both top research universities I applied to, graduating from one with high honors, and getting my dream job.

Calm down, OP, or your kid is going to develop an ulcer.

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Go Nats! I’m sure their parents held them back. Funny, isn’t it watching the best of the best.

To play at that level requires a parent who believed in you, your talent and lots and lots of practice.

And telling you an 84 B is not going to get you where you want to go.

You're an asshole or a troll. Either way, not a good look.
PS-
My kid has straight A's right now so it isn't jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Go Nats! I’m sure their parents held them back. Funny, isn’t it watching the best of the best.

To play at that level requires a parent who believed in you, your talent and lots and lots of practice.

And telling you an 84 B is not going to get you where you want to go.

No hun, it takes talent. God given talent.

I have a 19yr old at MIT. I never managed his grades, didn't use spreadsheets, wasn't involved with his homework.

My 8th grade he was being bussed to the high school for math. By 10th grade he was DE in college for math and physics. We were faced with the decision to allow him to graduate high school at 15 or slow roll school. We slow rolled school for his social growth. He could talk circles around DH and I before be was legally allowed to drive a car. I did not have to wring my hands over 84s because my academically gifted child didn't bring home 84s and if he did he would have moved on with life. As would I because my child is not defined by his academic excellence. There is more to him than his achievements at school.

He was born this way. Elite Athletes are also born this way and have a internal love for the game. Not all parents ride their kids like a rented mule.

The real top tier elite athletes are internally driven.

Right, but it makes it easy when you never miss, much like my son with academics. Sure he could sit around and play video games and waste his talent, but what takes him 10% effort to achieve, takes someone else 100% effort and that person still can never reach is ability to absorb information and then translate that to something relevant.

For instance Hakeem Olajuwon for basketball

You think Dikembe Mutombo parents in the Congo in the middle of a civil war has to ride him like rented mule? I doubt he even had access to a basketball court. He came to the US on a USAID scholarship at Georgetown and only picked bball "on the side".

One does not have to force talent like the OP. You support your kids in their efforts, you give them confidence by LETTING GO and not berating them, and you you allow them their own accomplishments. If you find yourself, like the OP , berating and harassing them under the guise of "reality" you are doing something terribly wrong as a parent, and whatever talent they do have will probably get crushed under the rubble of the torn down self esteem.

It is exactly the OPs type of parenting that leads to poor outcomes for UMC kids who logically should have great outcomes, but then they end up with a mother like the OP and they are up the creek, fu%ked.

I guess I'm in a position with 3 children, with one spectacularly talented. I see that "academic success" needs to come from the child not the parents thinking they can beat their kids into their own unfulfilled dreams. and BTW, I see parents doing this with sports ALL.THE.TIME. The kid comes off the field or court and immediately the parent starts criticizes the kids "hustle" or telling the kid they need to be "more aggressive". It is pointless and frankly, sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you blew up over an 84, you need help. Stat.

TOTALLY agree!

[Anonymous]

Looking at OP's weird writing style, I suspect English isn't her first language (am I right, OP?) so this obsession over grades might be cultural.

[Anonymous]

Asian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asian?

No need to generalize the whole continent based on this op. Plenty of Asian people are not tiger moms, and plenty of white people are crazy control freaks, and plenty of all people are normal parents. OP is just nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asian?

I think so. That, or Eastern European.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asian?

I think so. That, or Eastern European.

Y'all don't put us in the same bin as OP! She's certifiable, while most of the rest of us are only nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asian?

No need to generalize the whole continent based on this op. Plenty of Asian people are not tiger moms, and plenty of white people are crazy control freaks, and plenty of all people are normal parents. OP is just nuts.

+1000

Stop it with the stupid stereotyping. Every race and culture has plenty of nutso-crazy-parents, and the vast majority of parents everywhere are normal and trying to raise happy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Go Nats! I’m sure their parents held them back. Funny, isn’t it watching the best of the best.

To play at that level requires a parent who believed in you, your talent and lots and lots of practice.

And telling you an 84 B is not going to get you where you want to go.

You just CANNOT SEE THE POINT!! What you report about your daughter's attitude is distressing. Those of us who work in education see this manifest in a fear of failure (which you have stoked), inability to cope with imperfection, and yes, more attempted suicides than we can count on our fingers and toes.

FWIW Patrick Corbin showed up to his high school baseball tryouts in jeans because he didn't own baseball pants, hadn't played in years, and a friend dragged him along. Do not bring those sweet, fun loving, baseball smashing men into your defense of this parenting style.

[Anonymous]

can someone explain the marbles jar thing, is that like from a book?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:can someone explain the marbles jar thing, is that like from a book?

wait I just googled it and apparently the whole point is you don't take marbles out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 9th grade. It was a major test. I require that she load all her grades into an excel spreadsheet She creates and understandS the rubric. It’s a life skill. She needs to understand and manage her own life. Measures extend beyond the home.

I’m very hands off. She’s definitely done well so far. It was one test, but an important test. She needs to understand what grade she needs next test to secure an A. It’s a pretty high A.

I’m not a “do your best” kind of mom, grades don’t matter. This wasn’t her best. Sloppy work. I laid into her too hard.

Point is, she likely would have course corrected without me. How do you get back to it’s your life, these are your dreams, this is what it takes to achieve those dreams without killing them over one ok grade, but ensuring they understand their competitors.

Where she wants to go to college, a B is not sufficient. I can be a bit, the college you want has a 5% acceptance rate speech to a point. Think about that. It’s realism with love and not crushing her soul. I hope that makes sense.

This sounds like a place you have never been?