My son is about to marry a blonde

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's pregnant. Seriously, how often do 22 year old educated white women have a one week long engagement?

Sometimes they do. Sometimes they are also pregnant. That would explain why maybe he hadn't introduced her, etc, in the past. Also, we are all just taking him for his word that it has been a one year relationship.

The son deserves to have as many parents as possible at his wedding, no matter how quick the engagement. If your child invites you to a major milestone event, you show up. That is the American culture, which is the culture of at least 50% of the happy couple.

And also don't forget to get sh*t faced drunk, make a fool of yourself on the dance floor and hit on the bartender. All part of American culture and you need to do this since it's 50% of the couple's culture.

I do think a one week engagement is strange and can see how the Mom might feel blind sighted and hurt but it's coming out as angry and vengeful.

To OP- you've given them your blessings and that's all you can really do. I get that you want to stay with your wife, you have the rest of your life to live with her and you can't just leave her over a one week engagement notice. Your son and DIL to be know you love them and wish them well. Keep the lines of communication open, time should heal all wounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the son want to alienate his parents by waiting one week before his wedding to inform them that he was getting married to someone they never met? Cultural issue aside, that's alienating for any parents.

The parents didn't know he was dating anyone. Who doesn't introduce their SOs to their parents if they know that they're in a serious relationship that's headed towards marriage? And no, I don't feel sympathy for the son because the mother would've disapproved. It's one thing to not tell your parents about someone they would've disapproved of when you're just dating. It's whole another issue to deliberately hide a potential spouse from your parents. If you love someone, you fight for them. That includes fighting with your parents for them to accept that their child will be marrying outside their ethnic group.

It would've made more sense to have this situation sorted out before the stakes were so high. Maybe the mother would've accepted the fiancee if she got to know her as a person. Maybe she would've come to terms with the situation if she had more time. Maybe she would've chosen to come to the wedding just to support her son even if she still disapproved of his new wife. We will never know. Because right now, the mother's pissed off and there's only one week before the wedding. If the son wanted to his mother to accept his non-Vietnamese fiancee, then this wasn't the way to go about it.

Thank you! finally, someone with a voice of reason. It is HUGELY disrespectful for a child, let alone an only child, to treat his parents this way. Who tells his parents about a wedding a week before it takes place? The child is treating his parents like dirt. He should have introduced his GF to the family when things became serious so that parents share in the evolution of his life and can look forward to the wedding. If he foresaw objections on the part of the family, that would have been his opportunity to show his intentions by standing by his girlfriend, and the mother would have certainly come around.

I 100% understand his mother's reaction. To find out that my son is getting married a week from the day he tells me means my son has no respect for me whatsoever. Think about it. Unless this is an elopement, the couple was probably engaged for a while, told her parents, picked a venue, planned the entire wedding, invited NO ONE from his side of the family, nothing! He is treating his parents as if they don't exist. Huge, huge betrayal. This is why I think this is a troll post, no one treats their parents that way.

You just don't understand the culture. I didn't either until I'd married into it and been able to observe for a couple of decades. Adult kids do this ALL THE TIME in Asian families, because you're not allowed to say no to your parent, so you don't tell them, and then you present the thing you know they'll object to as already done. As has been said earlier in the thread, it's a lesser sin for them to ask forgiveness for a deed done than to ask permission and then disobey.

Actually I understand the culture very well. I'm married to a Saudi Arab from a pretty conservative family. You better believe the family was not ecstatic when we got together. But through persistence, respect, and showing that we are together for a long haul, the family supported us. They were included in the wedding, as were their traditions and guests from their side of the family. It would have been incredibly disrespectful to go into a major life event while disregarding the pair of people who brought you into this world. How do you invite guests to the wedding without notifying the parents, please enlighten me.

Also, since Asians have the highest outmarriage rate of all immigrants in the US, it seems that enough Asians overcome this barrier pretty easily without insulting the parents with impromtu weddings. I just don't get how you enter into a life-changing event (like marriage!) without the love and support of your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the son want to alienate his parents by waiting one week before his wedding to inform them that he was getting married to someone they never met? Cultural issue aside, that's alienating for any parents.

The parents didn't know he was dating anyone. Who doesn't introduce their SOs to their parents if they know that they're in a serious relationship that's headed towards marriage? And no, I don't feel sympathy for the son because the mother would've disapproved. It's one thing to not tell your parents about someone they would've disapproved of when you're just dating. It's whole another issue to deliberately hide a potential spouse from your parents. If you love someone, you fight for them. That includes fighting with your parents for them to accept that their child will be marrying outside their ethnic group.

It would've made more sense to have this situation sorted out before the stakes were so high. Maybe the mother would've accepted the fiancee if she got to know her as a person. Maybe she would've come to terms with the situation if she had more time. Maybe she would've chosen to come to the wedding just to support her son even if she still disapproved of his new wife. We will never know. Because right now, the mother's pissed off and there's only one week before the wedding. If the son wanted to his mother to accept his non-Vietnamese fiancee, then this wasn't the way to go about it.

Thank you! finally, someone with a voice of reason. It is HUGELY disrespectful for a child, let alone an only child, to treat his parents this way. Who tells his parents about a wedding a week before it takes place? The child is treating his parents like dirt. He should have introduced his GF to the family when things became serious so that parents share in the evolution of his life and can look forward to the wedding. If he foresaw objections on the part of the family, that would have been his opportunity to show his intentions by standing by his girlfriend, and the mother would have certainly come around.

I 100% understand his mother's reaction. To find out that my son is getting married a week from the day he tells me means my son has no respect for me whatsoever. Think about it. Unless this is an elopement, the couple was probably engaged for a while, told her parents, picked a venue, planned the entire wedding, invited NO ONE from his side of the family, nothing! He is treating his parents as if they don't exist. Huge, huge betrayal. This is why I think this is a troll post, no one treats their parents that way.

You just don't understand the culture. I didn't either until I'd married into it and been able to observe for a couple of decades. Adult kids do this ALL THE TIME in Asian families, because you're not allowed to say no to your parent, so you don't tell them, and then you present the thing you know they'll object to as already done. As has been said earlier in the thread, it's a lesser sin for them to ask forgiveness for a deed done than to ask permission and then disobey.

I'm the first pp. I'm Asian and I understand forgiveness is easier than permission. But that means introducing your serious bf/gf and letting your parents know that this person is a potential spouse/DIL or SIL. And that it is non negotiable so they should get used to him/her.

The overwhelming majority of Asian parents will eventually accept your choices. What else are they going to do? They can't control who you marry. They don't want to be estranged. But they do feel a certain way. So, the parents need time to process their emotions and to come to terms with the situation. That's especially important if you know that your parent will disapprove for whatever reason.

The mother's current reaction is probably how she would've reacted if the son had introduced the fiancee earlier. But now she has no time to calm down/to reflect because the wedding is only one week away. Even if the son had given his mother a couple months notice, it would've made a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ.
Asian here. And my brother, sister and myself married another race. We didn't care what our parents thought. They got over it.

Anyways when they have children they are going to be super cute!

[Anonymous]

Your son should write his mother a letter. A conversation can lead to an argument but a letter, a hand written letter in particular, allows for one side to clearly articulate their point of view. What he should say, well that's up to him. But the sudden notice isn't cool and I'm not far removed from a situation in which I myself married someone my parents initially pushed back against.

I also think you should attend the ceremony. Your wife may get over it but if I were the daughter in law it would take a while for me to get over it, not to mention the fact that her side of the family will be in her ear about her ungracious mother in law. It's embarrassing not to have either parent at your wedding and quite hurtful.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if skipping the wedding now is worth not being invited to her grandkid's first birthday or kindergarten graduation? She has 2 or 3 decades of grandparenting...this is just a blip in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your wife will come around once she gets used to the idea. Maybe she'll want to plan a Vietnamese wedding here for sometime later in the year when they can come back. Tell your son that he should take part in that and he should explain what it entails to his future wife. It's important to introduce her to the community and family, even if they're not going to live nearby.

I know my Vietnamese MIL, after years of going to everyone's weddings, really wanted to have all her extended family, friends, and acquaintances in the community come to the big restaurant reception event. All of her kids married white Americans, and only one had the Vietnamese wedding, but that was enough. You have just the one child. I do think that would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

LMAO PP nailed it though!

OP, first of all, congratulations. I hope your son chose well. If so, your wife will come around. If not, the marriage won't last.

Most importantly, do not bestow any significant material goods on your son. Don't pay off his school debt or buy him a house. Ride it out and see how this ends. I get a feeling this relationship is short-lived, and you don't want your son to lose significant sums of money in divorce proceedings. Let them adult on their own for a while, they're grown enough to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son should write his mother a letter. A conversation can lead to an argument but a letter, a hand written letter in particular, allows for one side to clearly articulate their point of view. What he should say, well that's up to him. But the sudden notice isn't cool and I'm not far removed from a situation in which I myself married someone my parents initially pushed back against.

I also think you should attend the ceremony. Your wife may get over it but if I were the daughter in law it would take a while for me to get over it, not to mention the fact that her side of the family will be in her ear about her ungracious mother in law. It's embarrassing not to have either parent at your wedding and quite hurtful.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if skipping the wedding now is worth not being invited to her grandkid's first birthday or kindergarten graduation? She has 2 or 3 decades of grandparenting...this is just a blip in the grand scheme of things.

Something about this smells fishy. I am tempted to call troll.

Think about it. Unless this is an elopement, weddings take months to plan. Families are typically involved in this, even if the couple is self paying. Wouldn't a normal family of the bride immediately want to meet the family of the groom? That's normal behavior for families who are about to become kin. Typically there is an introduction, etc., then you go into wedding planning. How many people to invite? How to split the guest list between bride's side/groom's side? Who does what at the wedding, who sits where etc. Families are typically involved in this.

Any normal family of the bride would be greatly distressed if the bride said, oh, go ahead, just plan the whole thing, no one from his side or family is coming. I know I would be shocked to hear this from my daughter, and would question this marriage immediately. (This assumes that we are talking about a normal middle class family that would expect a normal, typical wedding). In fact, I would tell the groom to get it sorted out with his family first because such a marriage will surely be stressed, and I don't want to send my daughter into a stressful situation.

I'm just saying, it's an odd setup. Especially for a young 20-something who is clearly not self-supporting!

I am writing this as someone who is in a cross-cultural, interfaith marriage. When I began dating my husband, I told him early on, there is no marriage without support from your family. If you seriously want to get married, I want your family to support this. And he made sure it happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

LMAO PP nailed it though!

OP, first of all, congratulations. I hope your son chose well. If so, your wife will come around. If not, the marriage won't last.

Most importantly, do not bestow any significant material goods on your son. Don't pay off his school debt or buy him a house. Ride it out and see how this ends. I get a feeling this relationship is short-lived, and you don't want your son to lose significant sums of money in divorce proceedings. Let them adult on their own for a while, they're grown enough to do it.

OP already gave them 50k for their honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Your imaginary son and his blonde gf are going to live happily ever after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

LMAO PP nailed it though!

OP, first of all, congratulations. I hope your son chose well. If so, your wife will come around. If not, the marriage won't last.

Most importantly, do not bestow any significant material goods on your son. Don't pay off his school debt or buy him a house. Ride it out and see how this ends. I get a feeling this relationship is short-lived, and you don't want your son to lose significant sums of money in divorce proceedings. Let them adult on their own for a while, they're grown enough to do it.

+1

Do not give any more money or assets to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is a racist b**tch.

Wait... what???? Asians can be racist???
Liberals say only Caucasians could be racist.

And liberals be right, bro

[Anonymous]

I
Agree DIL doesn’t care if MIL is not in the picture, so if MIL wants to see grandkids she would have to make peace with “the blonde”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I
Agree DIL doesn’t care if MIL is not in the picture, so if MIL wants to see grandkids she would have to make peace with “the blonde”.

What’s new DIL supposed to do? Start mailing presents to future MIL and just show up to talk? Riiiight.