My son is about to marry a blonde

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

No, it's not "you can't." It's that you won't. It is that you are CHOOSING not to. Own your choices; live your choices. You are choosing your racist wife over your loving son and the woman he loves. It's your choice to make, and you are free to make it, but own it. Don't cop out with "I can't" when you CAN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

I would absolutely not count on getting to repair everything once there are kids. No way in hell would I let my kids spend time with someone that shunned me, that's insanity. I wouldn't trust you out of my sight and earshot and would tolerate short supervised visits but in no way encourage a close relationship between you and my kid.

I think I get OP. It's easier for me (Asian myself) to understand. The cultural pull is a lot stronger than people realize.

Yes - but the son is marrying a non-asian who doesn't share this culture. She will not feel compelled to forgive and forget the people that shunned her just because there are kids. You don't get to treat someone like dirt and then expect them to forgive you when its convenient, certainly not someone that you've never treated like family and doesn't share your culture so they have no reason to treat you like family or share your cultural view back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

You CAN go to the wedding. Put your foot down and tell your wife that you are going with or without her. Re: #4 - you all may be in for a rude awakening. It may be water under the bridge for you and your wife, but your DIL will remember this forever more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

I would absolutely not count on getting to repair everything once there are kids. No way in hell would I let my kids spend time with someone that shunned me, that's insanity. I wouldn't trust you out of my sight and earshot and would tolerate short supervised visits but in no way encourage a close relationship between you and my kid.

I think I get OP. It's easier for me (Asian myself) to understand. The cultural pull is a lot stronger than people realize.

But why risk it? OP has no idea how his new American DIL is going to react in the short or long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone attacking OP for not attending the wedding when there was no indication that there was a wedding to attend? Yes, the son says he is getting married next week, but it sounds like an elopement...

Given the parents' reaction I don't blame the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

I would absolutely not count on getting to repair everything once there are kids. No way in hell would I let my kids spend time with someone that shunned me, that's insanity. I wouldn't trust you out of my sight and earshot and would tolerate short supervised visits but in no way encourage a close relationship between you and my kid.

I think I get OP. It's easier for me (Asian myself) to understand. The cultural pull is a lot stronger than people realize.

Yes - but the son is marrying a non-asian who doesn't share this culture. She will not feel compelled to forgive and forget the people that shunned her just because there are kids. You don't get to treat someone like dirt and then expect them to forgive you when its convenient, certainly not someone that you've never treated like family and doesn't share your culture so they have no reason to treat you like family or share your cultural view back

+1
My aunt learned this the hard way. After strongly disapproving of my cousin's wife she came gushing and cooing when their twins arrived, expecting to be welcomed with open arms. Didn't work that way. They gave her a chance but she was only nice to the kids while being mean to DIL. Cousin and wife have been happily married for almost 20 years. Grandma only has a formal relationship with all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

White-asian again. You are not a nice guy, sorry.

My Vietnamese MIL described to me all that her MIL made her suffer, and said she never wanted to visit that on the next generation. My husband and his siblings were never afraid to speak up when their parents were wrong. What medieval bubble do you live in? I don't know of any asian parents who would react like you and your wife did. Please stop spreading misinformation and making asian people look bad.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I did have a long talk to both of them, wish them nothing but happiness. I also told them that when they are ready to move back to VA, the house will be theirs. I told my DIL to be that my wife has nothing against her personally and hope she will understand. She sound sincere so I do not doubt her intention. I think I can see the grand children when the time come, hopefully. Btw, he is my only kid

And yes, I did give them a wedding gift before they left for CA. I deposited $50k in their bank account so that they can spend it on their honeymoon before starting the next chapter in their lives.

Now I just hope my wife will come around soon...

[Anonymous]

Do you have any Vietnamese friends whose kids have married non-Vietnamese? Maybe enlist their help to calm your wife down.

Your son and his girlfriend don’t seem very mature either, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: you sound like a good egg.

I think you should drag your wife to the wedding. Maybe you should put your foot down?

This will hopefully be your son's only wedding, your wife is going to regret not being a part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I did have a long talk to both of them, wish them nothing but happiness. I also told them that when they are ready to move back to VA, the house will be theirs. I told my DIL to be that my wife has nothing against her personally and hope she will understand. She sound sincere so I do not doubt her intention. I think I can see the grand children when the time come, hopefully. Btw, he is my only kid

And yes, I did give them a wedding gift before they left for CA. I deposited $50k in their bank account so that they can spend it on their honeymoon before starting the next chapter in their lives.

Now I just hope my wife will come around soon...

She will. May not be soon but she will. You should like a decent guy and you and your wife have done a good job raising your son. Congrats to your son and his future wife!

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll? Please be a troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is a racist b**tch.

+1

I hope she never sees her grandkids. You should go to the wedding if you want to see them. If I were your DIL, I wouldn't want anything to do with her after this. Oh wait--I AM a DIL in those shoes. I don't care if my MIL falls off the edge of the world. She never even met me, once she heard that I wasn't _______, she refused to meet me.

Her loss.

(left blank, because it's really irrelevant isn't it?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I did have a long talk to both of them, wish them nothing but happiness. I also told them that when they are ready to move back to VA, the house will be theirs. I told my DIL to be that my wife has nothing against her personally and hope she will understand. She sound sincere so I do not doubt her intention. I think I can see the grand children when the time come, hopefully. Btw, he is my only kid

And yes, I did give them a wedding gift before they left for CA. I deposited $50k in their bank account so that they can spend it on their honeymoon before starting the next chapter in their lives.

Now I just hope my wife will come around soon...

She will. May not be soon but she will. You should like a decent guy and you and your wife have done a good job raising your son. Congrats to your son and his future wife!

Wife might, but DIL may not by then.

[Anonymous]

Wait a min... isn't another strongly engrained asian tradition, that the man of the house is the master, and if he insists, then its basically "law of the house"?

Dude, put your foot down. She will eventually relent.