My son is about to marry a blonde

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

LMAO PP nailed it though!

OP, first of all, congratulations. I hope your son chose well. If so, your wife will come around. If not, the marriage won't last.

Most importantly, do not bestow any significant material goods on your son. Don't pay off his school debt or buy him a house. Ride it out and see how this ends. I get a feeling this relationship is short-lived, and you don't want your son to lose significant sums of money in divorce proceedings. Let them adult on their own for a while, they're grown enough to do it.

OP already gave them 50k for their honeymoon.

And that was hella stupid. He should stop giving, at least for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I
Agree DIL doesn’t care if MIL is not in the picture, so if MIL wants to see grandkids she would have to make peace with “the blonde”.

Good thing the son is a young MD. He has time to build a real family, and one accidental kid on the side won't matter much. I've seen it too many times...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the mother is not racist. I am Vietnamese and I understand exactly how she felt. Same exact situation with my mother because I married a white woman. She didn't attend my wedding either. Now my mother and my wife are best buddies. My wife takes my mother grocery shopping on weekends at Asian store in Seven Corners. My wife speaks broken Vietnamese and my mom speaks broken English

The son just needs to remind his wife to be that he loves her very much and that even though she didn't do anything wrong, she should go ahead and apologize to his mother and be prepared to be lectured for a couple of hours and I guarantee everything will be fine. I am willing to bet that it is the mother that made her husband to give the couple 50k as wedding gift. You're now part of the Mafia.

Just because your wife is a doormat doesn't mean other women are.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a good example of how little Americans understand Asian culture or any other cultures in that matter.

Culture be damned - OP is a grown man he can go to his son's wedding if he wants to.
not allowed

As I said...

As you said what?
Last I checked from a cultural standpoint Vietnam is a traditionally patriarchal society and traditionally Vietnamese woman have limited rights and take a secondary place in the family.
So from a traditional culture standpoint his wife isn't in a position to tell the OP jack shit unless she went and got herself American-ified.

Having married into an Asian family, I know that this is not true. The husband is honored as the head of the family. But in fact, the wife is in charge and controls all the money and puts the husband on an allowance. This is what is meant by the term “Iron Butterfly.” This was my FIL’s downfall because, for some reason, my MIL, who had been a good money manager, for some reason started investing in these get rich quick schemes and bankrupted my FIL. Shortly there after, she died of a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack.

But I have seen this happen over and over again. When my then Asian girlfriends’ parents came visiting, they had to hide their White boyfriends. My Asian wife’s parents accepted me but demanded that their two sons marry women from their original country. My wife’s youngest brother did marry such a woman. The middle brother, however, married a White woman, which horrified my wife’s parents. That brother is an anesthesiologist and is quite well off. After the marriage, my in laws kept sending my BIL information on how to get a divorce. But then they had a daughter who looks totally Asian. My father in law kept trying to get my BIL to take her to the local cultural center to learn the language but he never did. Eventually, my BIL did divorce his wife. For years his daughter would not speak to him, but everything seems OK now.

My father’s Jewish father was deeply offended when my mother’s Presbyterian father did not attend my parents’ wedding and asked if her father did not consider our family to be good enough.

When I was dating my wife, my father told me that we should never have children because biracial children have difficult lives. I blew up at my father, who had been on the forefront of the Civil Rights movement, said that. My mother attended our marriage but my father did not. Well, we have a ten year old son. He is very bright, is a national chess champion and worked as a magazine model in NYC before I changed jobs and moved to D.C. My wife thinks he looks mixed but my FIL and I think that he looks White. He’s on the autism spectrum and one would think that he would be bullied, as are a number of other children at his school. But all the girls like him and so he has a lot of friends. My FIL also thinks he is treated well because, like a lot of Eurasian children, he’s quite good looking.

I’ve seen this kind of thing happen. One of my best friends from grad school was in love with a woman who was perfect for him. They both enjoyed hiking, camping, and basically roughing it. But his mother strongly disapproved because she was not Jewish, and my friend broke it off. It was partly his own decision, too. He told me that to raise a Jewish child takes two Jewish parents. That was not true in my own case but that’s because, in some ways, my Protestant mother was much more Jewish than my father. My mother is an ardent Zionist. My father’s family, like many Jewish families who had been rich in America for many generations, was anti Zionist and he was a member of the Philanthropic Board of the Americans Council for Judaism, an anti Zionist organization which at that time was made up of primarily old money Reform Jews who funded schools and hospitals for Palestinians. But I never joined the organization and have no idea what it’s like or who belongs to it now.

But my friend who broke off with his non Jewish soulmate ended up marrying the sister of the wife of his firm’s senior partner. Even though she hated hiking and camping and loved cosmetics and nice clothes, which my friend had no regard for, she was willing to convert and it seemed like a great match professionally. But his firm ended up laying him off, as it did most of its associates. Last time I discussed his marriage with him, he sounded down about it and there were many reasons not to marry. But that was a long time ago and they have children now. I cannot imagine him being anything other than a loving and devoted father so I imagine things are different now.

But the point is that it just isn’t realistic to say that because a family moves from their country to America we should be surprised that it is still important that they marry into their own culture. I knew a Vietnamese student in grad school who had been a member of the Viet Cong but had been imprisoned after the North took over, as were many of the Viet Cong because although they were communists, they didn’t want to blindly obey the orders from the North who had a different culture and spoke a different dialect. So we can’t just say that they should have stayed in Vietnam.

My 100% American Greek friends tell me that their parents insist that they marry Greeks. It’s just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is a racist b**tch.

Yes. And no better than the racist b**tches who resent Malia for dating a white guy, or Meghan for marrying one.

Actually those are worse, because they cannot even argue there's a different language at play.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad my Chinese parents are very open in terms of which color I get to marry. Don't be mistaken, they are still super cultural as they still expect me and my children to not forget my heritage in that I should always remember to call/visit them during whatever Chinese festival is going on. Regardless I still married a Chinese woman, but my brother on the other hand, married a white woman. My parent still accept and embrace them with open arms. However, there's still very obvious language/cultural barriers between them and their white DIL and DIL's family (which was very evident during the wedding). But love is love and both DILs are still treated as equals, for now....

BUT...they're also super catholic...which you know means I can get to marry any color under the rainbow but not the rainbow itself...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the mother is not racist. I am Vietnamese and I understand exactly how she felt. Same exact situation with my mother because I married a white woman. She didn't attend my wedding either. Now my mother and my wife are best buddies. My wife takes my mother grocery shopping on weekends at Asian store in Seven Corners. My wife speaks broken Vietnamese and my mom speaks broken English

The son just needs to remind his wife to be that he loves her very much and that even though she didn't do anything wrong, she should go ahead and apologize to his mother and be prepared to be lectured for a couple of hours and I guarantee everything will be fine. I am willing to bet that it is the mother that made her husband to give the couple 50k as wedding gift. You're now part of the Mafia.

Just because your wife is a doormat doesn't mean other women are.

+1

I'm not Vietnamese but I do come from an Asian culture where the elders are respected even when they are in the wrong. It's not being a doormat. That's looking at Asian culture through a White/Euro lens. There are so many cultural differences that this is a great example of why the Mom was upset in the first place.

It's like this with many ethnic groups. Black people "get" other black people without the hurdles of explaining some things. Vietnamese people "get" other Vietnamese without the need to explains some things.

Yes we can overcome these cultural misunderstandings but it takes an open mind on both sides.

The Mom will accept the marriage, she should have been given more time. She will have to learn some of the ways of life that her new DIL has and accept that it may be different than what she would like. The DIL also has to be open minded and see that asking for forgiveness (for springing what is basically and elopement on to the Mom) is not being a doormat, it's the way into the heart of the MIL. If she really cares about her husband she wouldn't cut off the people that gave birth to him and raised him to be the man she fell in love with.

I'm Asian, married to a different flavor of Asian. I was not accepted right away, I was hurt but kept trying to make us all get along because they are now part of my family. My husband's parents, my future kids' grandparents.

I wouldn't let that bond get broken because of my bruised ego.

Over time the tension settled, yes I bit my tongue a LOT, but I don't regret it one bit. It's better for our future. (They love me now btw)

Those of you saying you would cut off one whole side of the family for life seem too extreme and egoistic. You probably think I'm a doormat, it's a cultural difference. I do rule my roost though, as any proper Asian woman does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a good example of how little Americans understand Asian culture or any other cultures in that matter.

Culture be damned - OP is a grown man he can go to his son's wedding if he wants to.
not allowed

As I said...

As you said what?
Last I checked from a cultural standpoint Vietnam is a traditionally patriarchal society and traditionally Vietnamese woman have limited rights and take a secondary place in the family.
So from a traditional culture standpoint his wife isn't in a position to tell the OP jack shit unless she went and got herself American-ified.

Having married into an Asian family, I know that this is not true. The husband is honored as the head of the family. But in fact, the wife is in charge and controls all the money and puts the husband on an allowance. This is what is meant by the term “Iron Butterfly.” This was my FIL’s downfall because, for some reason, my MIL, who had been a good money manager, for some reason started investing in these get rich quick schemes and bankrupted my FIL. Shortly there after, she died of a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack.

But I have seen this happen over and over again. When my then Asian girlfriends’ parents came visiting, they had to hide their White boyfriends. My Asian wife’s parents accepted me but demanded that their two sons marry women from their original country. My wife’s youngest brother did marry such a woman. The middle brother, however, married a White woman, which horrified my wife’s parents. That brother is an anesthesiologist and is quite well off. After the marriage, my in laws kept sending my BIL information on how to get a divorce. But then they had a daughter who looks totally Asian. My father in law kept trying to get my BIL to take her to the local cultural center to learn the language but he never did. Eventually, my BIL did divorce his wife. For years his daughter would not speak to him, but everything seems OK now.

My father’s Jewish father was deeply offended when my mother’s Presbyterian father did not attend my parents’ wedding and asked if her father did not consider our family to be good enough.

When I was dating my wife, my father told me that we should never have children because biracial children have difficult lives. I blew up at my father, who had been on the forefront of the Civil Rights movement, said that. My mother attended our marriage but my father did not. Well, we have a ten year old son. He is very bright, is a national chess champion and worked as a magazine model in NYC before I changed jobs and moved to D.C. My wife thinks he looks mixed but my FIL and I think that he looks White. He’s on the autism spectrum and one would think that he would be bullied, as are a number of other children at his school. But all the girls like him and so he has a lot of friends. My FIL also thinks he is treated well because, like a lot of Eurasian children, he’s quite good looking.

I’ve seen this kind of thing happen. One of my best friends from grad school was in love with a woman who was perfect for him. They both enjoyed hiking, camping, and basically roughing it. But his mother strongly disapproved because she was not Jewish, and my friend broke it off. It was partly his own decision, too. He told me that to raise a Jewish child takes two Jewish parents. That was not true in my own case but that’s because, in some ways, my Protestant mother was much more Jewish than my father. My mother is an ardent Zionist. My father’s family, like many Jewish families who had been rich in America for many generations, was anti Zionist and he was a member of the Philanthropic Board of the Americans Council for Judaism, an anti Zionist organization which at that time was made up of primarily old money Reform Jews who funded schools and hospitals for Palestinians. But I never joined the organization and have no idea what it’s like or who belongs to it now.

But my friend who broke off with his non Jewish soulmate ended up marrying the sister of the wife of his firm’s senior partner. Even though she hated hiking and camping and loved cosmetics and nice clothes, which my friend had no regard for, she was willing to convert and it seemed like a great match professionally. But his firm ended up laying him off, as it did most of its associates. Last time I discussed his marriage with him, he sounded down about it and there were many reasons not to marry. But that was a long time ago and they have children now. I cannot imagine him being anything other than a loving and devoted father so I imagine things are different now.

But the point is that it just isn’t realistic to say that because a family moves from their country to America we should be surprised that it is still important that they marry into their own culture. I knew a Vietnamese student in grad school who had been a member of the Viet Cong but had been imprisoned after the North took over, as were many of the Viet Cong because although they were communists, they didn’t want to blindly obey the orders from the North who had a different culture and spoke a different dialect. So we can’t just say that they should have stayed in Vietnam.

My 100% American Greek friends tell me that their parents insist that they marry Greeks. It’s just the way it is.

TL; DR.

[Anonymous]

It was all manic gibberish.

[Anonymous]

1. Your wife is racist
2. The speed of the revealation/engagement/elopement plus the young age of your future DIL is troubling. Don’t give them your house or any more money until the dust settles.
3. Your DIL will not feel the same obligation to forgive and forget your wife’s actions that you might wrt your elders.

[Anonymous]

There is someone posting weird stuff like this just for laughs, to see if people actually believe it and can get about 13+ pages of comments going. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of DCUM, like why not just make stuff up? But I really wonder why so many people seem to actually believe a story like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is someone posting weird stuff like this just for laughs, to see if people actually believe it and can get about 13+ pages of comments going. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of DCUM, like why not just make stuff up? But I really wonder why so many people seem to actually believe a story like this.

IMO OP doesn't even sound Vietnamese. It reads like a non Vietnamese person writing out a crappy story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is someone posting weird stuff like this just for laughs, to see if people actually believe it and can get about 13+ pages of comments going. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of DCUM, like why not just make stuff up? But I really wonder why so many people seem to actually believe a story like this.

IMO OP doesn't even sound Vietnamese. It reads like a non Vietnamese person writing out a crappy story.

Yep, written by a bored white SAHM. Sorry you lost your marketable skills when you got piggo, but creative writing is not the path for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is someone posting weird stuff like this just for laughs, to see if people actually believe it and can get about 13+ pages of comments going. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of DCUM, like why not just make stuff up? But I really wonder why so many people seem to actually believe a story like this.

IMO OP doesn't even sound Vietnamese. It reads like a non Vietnamese person writing out a crappy story.

Yep, written by a bored white SAHM. Sorry you lost your marketable skills when you got piggo, but creative writing is not the path for you!

The grammar errors OP made are in line with what's typical for a native speaker of Vietnamese. So she's done a good job. I have Vietnamese in-laws, and this reads as a not-at-all unusual situation and behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A white woman is not going to give a hoot that Asian MIL from hell won't be at the wedding. She'll be happy as it will be one less hassle to deal with. No one here seems to understand that the son is dominated by his bride just like OP is. The sons fiance is the one who told him to keep it quiet until a week before. She's a gold digging model in it for the money. Op already said they plan to give their house to the newlyweds so op must be loaded. Once she's got enough of his assets she will tire of his small Asian penis and start cheating if she isn't already. She might pop out some kids before divorcing but most likely they won't have a drop of Asian DNA in them.

You are gross. I am sorry your life sucks.

Blonde wife suck, life no suck.