My son is about to marry a blonde

[Anonymous]

Part of me wants to think that your wife's expression is just a bad overt reaction to your son hiding his relationship (Vietnamese or not) and getting engaged without letting you guys know, but part of me knows that a lot of people from Asian countries (East Asia in particular) are quite xenophobic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of me wants to think that your wife's expression is just a bad overt reaction to your son hiding his relationship (Vietnamese or not) and getting engaged without letting you guys know, but part of me knows that a lot of people from Asian countries (East Asia in particular) are quite xenophobic.

Then she should express it as such. She is not 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First generation immigrant from Vietnam. Came here when I was 15 years old and my wife is also vietnamese. Living a good life in Great falls VA. Son is 26 years old and he informed my wife and I that he will get marry to his 22 years old blonde GF of one year next week. He just finished his medical residency and she just graduated with a BS degree in accounting. She is also a part time model. Before last week, I didn't even know he was even dating. The GF seems very nice and friendly.

I have some reservations about my son marry someone of a different race but I am open minded. My wife on the other hand, wanted him to marry to an Asian lady so she didn't take this very well. Her reason is that she always wanted a daughter in law who can speak vietnamese with her. My wife will not be attending the wedding and I am not allowed to attend either. She is not being reasonable.

I told my son and his GF, without telling my wife ofcourse, go ahead and get married. Have a wonderful life. You and your wife can come back when you have kids because time and grand kids will heal wound. They just left for CA this morning.

Not sure how I can convince my wife to get over this. Thoughts?

So, son wants to marry a blonde model who is educated and nice... Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

I hope you have other children, because you’re going to need someone to take care of you in old age. I wouldn’t count on the son you banished, his “blonde” (you can just say “white”, it’s ok!) wife, and their half-breed children.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

You seem like a nice guy. If you can't attend, at least send your son and fiancee a note expressing your love and happiness for them. Send a nice gift.

Your wife (and you to some extent) should start altering her expectations now. You assume you can waltz in and out of your son's life at will-- but that may not be the case. Remember that in the US the nuclear family trumps the extended/elder one. That means that your soon to be daughter in law will have a lot to say about who visits grand children and when. I would remind your wife that starting out the relationship like this might wind up as a hindrance to seeing grandchildren later.

[Anonymous]

You should go to the wedding even if your wife doesn't. I don't think your son will ever forget his own parents boycotting his own wedding. I don't know why you are so sure they will "come back" once they have grandchildren. If anything, having kids will really solidify your son and his wife's union and make them more protective of their family unit. I am a first generation Asian immigrant married to a "blonde" and if my parents (who actually live in Asia!) showed your wife's attitude towards my family, they certainly won't be seeing my children. (Fyi my parents love my family and we love them right back)

Go to the wedding on your own so you can at least leave the door open for reconcilliation later.

[Anonymous]

I’m not surprised that you knew nothing about your sons girlfriend. He probably knew how his mom would react.

[Anonymous]

OP - your wife will come around. time is the best medicine.

- another Asian with "white" people messed up the gene pool

[Anonymous]

If you want a relationship with your son and to ever see your future grandchildren, you better talk to your wife, put your foot down and tell her you will be going to his wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

I would absolutely not count on getting to repair everything once there are kids. No way in hell would I let my kids spend time with someone that shunned me, that's insanity. I wouldn't trust you out of my sight and earshot and would tolerate short supervised visits but in no way encourage a close relationship between you and my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised that you knew nothing about your sons girlfriend. He probably knew how his mom would react.

Exactly. The son is obviously not stupid. Good for him for living his life and not listening to his racist mother.

[Anonymous]

I don't get how people move to another country and then are shocked when their kids assimilate to it and marry someone of that country.

Does it never occur to them that this might happen? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

1- I am not against the marriage. I am very happy for him and his GF. That's why I told him and his GF they should get married,
2- I can't attend the wedding if my wife is not going. As much as I am happy for my son and his wife to be, she is still my wife,
3- No, my wife and I do NOT plan to live with them when we get older. In fact, we're ready to give them the house in Great Falls so that we can move into a condo. My wife is still in shock that his wife to be is not Asians. I think she will get over it in time, I just don't know how long,
4- I was raised in a culture where parents are never wrong, even when they clearly are. As a son or daughter, you just have to accept that fact and keep trying. One day, water will be under the bridge when they see grand children, everything will be good.

I know those days will come. I just hope those days will come sooner rather than later. Right now, I am her punching bag and nothing I said matter


thank you all for sharing your thoughts

I would absolutely not count on getting to repair everything once there are kids. No way in hell would I let my kids spend time with someone that shunned me, that's insanity. I wouldn't trust you out of my sight and earshot and would tolerate short supervised visits but in no way encourage a close relationship between you and my kid.

I think I get OP. It's easier for me (Asian myself) to understand. The cultural pull is a lot stronger than people realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First generation immigrant from Vietnam. Came here when I was 15 years old and my wife is also vietnamese. Living a good life in Great falls VA. Son is 26 years old and he informed my wife and I that he will get marry to his 22 years old blonde GF of one year next week. He just finished his medical residency and she just graduated with a BS degree in accounting. She is also a part time model. Before last week, I didn't even know he was even dating. The GF seems very nice and friendly.

I have some reservations about my son marry someone of a different race but I am open minded. My wife on the other hand, wanted him to marry to an Asian lady so she didn't take this very well. Her reason is that she always wanted a daughter in law who can speak vietnamese with her. My wife will not be attending the wedding and I am not allowed to attend either. She is not being reasonable.

I told my son and his GF, without telling my wife ofcourse, go ahead and get married. Have a wonderful life. You and your wife can come back when you have kids because time and grand kids will heal wound. They just left for CA this morning.

Not sure how I can convince my wife to get over this. Thoughts?

Your wife's choice will have a permanent negative impact on your family and it will potentially have an impact on your access to future grandchildren. The relationship you are
creating now will govern your access (or lack of access) to your future grandchildren.

You and your wife need to get on board with this marriage and consider, first and foremost, your relationship with your son and his new family.

Your wife's vision for who he should marry should play zero role in any of this.