My son is about to marry a blonde

[Anonymous]

First generation immigrant from Vietnam. Came here when I was 15 years old and my wife is also vietnamese. Living a good life in Great falls VA. Son is 26 years old and he informed my wife and I that he will get marry to his 22 years old blonde GF of one year next week. He just finished his medical residency and she just graduated with a BS degree in accounting. She is also a part time model. Before last week, I didn't even know he was even dating. The GF seems very nice and friendly.

I have some reservations about my son marry someone of a different race but I am open minded. My wife on the other hand, wanted him to marry to an Asian lady so she didn't take this very well. Her reason is that she always wanted a daughter in law who can speak vietnamese with her. My wife will not be attending the wedding and I am not allowed to attend either. She is not being reasonable.

I told my son and his GF, without telling my wife ofcourse, go ahead and get married. Have a wonderful life. You and your wife can come back when you have kids because time and grand kids will heal wound. They just left for CA this morning.

Not sure how I can convince my wife to get over this. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Your wife will have to suck it up and if she's anything like an Asian mother, she wouldn't completely 100% disown her son. There is very little for you to do to convince your wife but it all lies on your daughter in law. Being able to speak vietnamese is probably impossible but at least try to ask your son to practice the vietnamese festivities, like Lunar New Year.

[Anonymous]

I am half white-European, half asian. My parents met when they didn't even have a common language. My husband is asian, but not from the same country. We are a proud mix of heritage and cultures and have family all over the world.

Why is your wife not attending the wedding? Is it her decision, or your child and his fiancee's? Why are you not going either?

And, more to the point... ARE YOU INSANE????

You should support your child's choice.

[Anonymous]

You should attend the wedding absolutely. I can't even imagine. Your DS was wrong in springing it on you last minute, but you should still attend.

If you wife behaves herself, she might get to enjoy teaching grandchildren Vietnamese and they can speak to her. Is there more to this story? Did you all plan on living with your son when you're older?

[Anonymous]

I hope they never come back. You (your wife) don’t get to decide you can deal with a white blonde just because you suddenly want to see your grandchildren. I wouldn’t bring my children around that kind of negative, racist behavior. Take me or leave me, your choice. And your wife will bring you down with her unless your speak up for yourself. Are you willing to lose your child and future grandchildren over your wife’s bias?

[Anonymous]

You need to remind your wife she living in the land of liberty. People are free to pursue what makes them happy!

[Anonymous]

So her only requirement is the daughter in law speak Vietnamese? Doesn't matter if she's a good person who loves your son?

I hate to break it to your wife but it's not your son's duty to marry a woman who will be a friend for your wife. He could have married a woman who speaks Vietnamese and is horrible.

[Anonymous]

Let's review. You moved to the United States of America, and are disappointed that your American son is now marrying an American woman?

Maybe, just maybe, if you wanted your son to marry a Vietnamese woman who speaks Vietnamese, you should have stayed in Vietnam.

Anyway, your wife is going to do what she's going to do. YOU need to decide FOR YOURSELF whether YOU will attend the wedding. What's your wife going to do, lock you in the basement?

Make your choices. Live your choices.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a racist b**tch.

[Anonymous]

not attending your child's wedding is unforgivable. This is your child! support him! support who he loves! Is she a horrible person?? If she is kind and makes him happy then you should be thrilled!

You probably faced discrimination yourself growing up in this country as an immigrant. And now you and your wife will discriminate against someone else??? You know how it feels to be different. Don't penalize her or your son for being different. Love them! Support them! Life is short! And you will all be so much happier if you do

[Anonymous]

You and your wife have only had a week to come around to this idea, and I understand it's not what you pictured. The thing is, your son is an American. He's not Vietnamese. Please try to talk some sense into your wife and make your own choices if that doesn't work. She can't stop you from going to the wedding on your own.

[Anonymous]

Mixed white-asian coming on here again to insist on my disappointment.

Do you live under a rock? Don't you realize that the great majority of second generation immigrants don't marry people from their country of origin?

You and your wife are racist, pure and simple.

I'm so glad my Vietnamese MIL welcomed me with open arms even though I don't speak Vietnamese, and don't cook her favorite recipes. She hates the food from my asian country, so we cook food from our European country together

My MIL had to deal with 2 Vietnamese DILs before I joined the family and she realized that it's not the origin that counts, it's what's in the heart and mind. Apparently I am her favorite DIL.

Please show my post to your wife, and tell her to grow up.

[Anonymous]

The red flag here is that your son is marrying a person you've never even heard about. Is that because he was afraid of this reaction?

It's understandable that your wife is shocked, because there was no time to get used to the idea and get to know the GF.

If I were you, I'd still go to the wedding, though. Pushing your son away isn't going to help anything.

FWIW, my Taiwanese in-laws are still complaining about their son marrying a white girl, a decade later, so you are in this for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone attacking OP for not attending the wedding when there was no indication that there was a wedding to attend? Yes, the son says he is getting married next week, but it sounds like an elopement...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone attacking OP for not attending the wedding when there was no indication that there was a wedding to attend? Yes, the son says he is getting married next week, but it sounds like an elopement...

NM...I re-read! I see he is "not allowed" to attend...