I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

Well in a way it does impact my life. The diseases spread faster if a lot of people are having a lot of sex partners. Think of it like this. If I go to a place where there is a lot of TB and I get coughed on repeatedly while there then come back home and spread the didease, then others are affected. If a lot of people travel t an area with lots of TB then come back home to many work paces and social gatherings then more people get TB. Get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

Of course I can and so do many others. A person with brown hair is a brunette. A person with multiple sex partners is a sleeze. Just keepin' it real

[Anonymous]

I didn't take the time to read through all of the responses, but I totally get and relate to what OP is saying. I was a lot like the woman OP is describing. In my 20s I wanted a serious relationship and wanted to get married eventually, but I had very low self esteem and slept with guys way too quickly. I racked up a number of partners (15 lifetime total) and got two STDs (HPV and HSV2). When I got HSV2 I was absolutely devastated. I felt like my life was over and I would be alone forever. It was a very dark, lonely time. I almost got fired from my job, I was so depressed. I really, really wanted to find someone, get married and have a family, so I forced myself to keep dating, even though I was so nervous about the prospect of having to tell someone my status. Having HSV2 (and HPV) REALLY made slow down. I stopped getting into bed with guys quickly, and started getting to know them before having physical contact beyond kissing. As soon as I started doing that, the guys I dated started to really develop feelings for me. Ultimately, two relationships didn't work out when I disclosed my HSV2 status (prior to sexual contact, of course), but the third time I told, he said he wasn't going anywhere. We have been together for 5 wonderful years, married for 3, and we now have a 14 month old son.

I often look back at my 20s with deep regret. The pain of those days is still with me, I don't know if it will ever go away completely. Ultimately I think I struggled with depression and anxiety and I wish I got the help I needed so I would have had the strength to make better choices. I am very happy now, but I had to go through some dark times alone to get here. I often think that I am glad I don't have a daughter because I wouldn't want her to go through the same things as me. If I ever do, I hope I can show her enough unconditional love and support to help her avoid making the same mistakes I made. I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't take the time to read through all of the responses, but I totally get and relate to what OP is saying. I was a lot like the woman OP is describing. In my 20s I wanted a serious relationship and wanted to get married eventually, but I had very low self esteem and slept with guys way too quickly. I racked up a number of partners (15 lifetime total) and got two STDs (HPV and HSV2). When I got HSV2 I was absolutely devastated. I felt like my life was over and I would be alone forever. It was a very dark, lonely time. I almost got fired from my job, I was so depressed. I really, really wanted to find someone, get married and have a family, so I forced myself to keep dating, even though I was so nervous about the prospect of having to tell someone my status. Having HSV2 (and HPV) REALLY made slow down. I stopped getting into bed with guys quickly, and started getting to know them before having physical contact beyond kissing. As soon as I started doing that, the guys I dated started to really develop feelings for me. Ultimately, two relationships didn't work out when I disclosed my HSV2 status (prior to sexual contact, of course), but the third time I told, he said he wasn't going anywhere. We have been together for 5 wonderful years, married for 3, and we now have a 14 month old son.

I often look back at my 20s with deep regret. The pain of those days is still with me, I don't know if it will ever go away completely. Ultimately I think I struggled with depression and anxiety and I wish I got the help I needed so I would have had the strength to make better choices. I am very happy now, but I had to go through some dark times alone to get here. I often think that I am glad I don't have a daughter because I wouldn't want her to go through the same things as me. If I ever do, I hope I can show her enough unconditional love and support to help her avoid making the same mistakes I made. I

Thank you for your post. Glad to hear that you found love. Try to remember the words you wrote here when DH gets you angry, and he will at some point. Teach your son how to carry himself.
I consider some of the men who were with you, including the one who gave you HSV to be immoral, and I mean that. Deep down, some of them probably knew that a casual relationship was not really what you wanted. Some probably strung you along just for sex, immoral. So as much as we are saying, no judging, I can judge people who take advantage of people in bad situations, give them diseases and move on with no conscience.
I have a coworker who is a successful partner making tons of money. He dates serially. Gives each woman a nice vacation, a new girl every 4-6 months. Makes them feel like he is serious. Buy he is not. They seem to get excited over the prospect of marrying this successful man, and he knows that. Why does he not just say that he has no plans to marry, but just to screw them? I suppose that would ruin the fun. Sociopath to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

But you must agree that anyone can step away from a relationship with someone who has had many partners without being shamed for wanting nothing to do with that person.

I'm the poster you're quoting, and absolutely, I agree with what you said as well.

It's funny so many other posters after you quoted what I said as liberal, when personally, I'm actually quite conservative (both sexually and politically) but I am a huge believer in equal rights (not men being lauded as 'ladies men' and women being derided as 'sluts' for doing the same exact thing), and society not getting up in the business of consenting adults. I'm a woman, and personally don't want a male partner who has slept with what in my mind is "too many" people - but that's because I think my life experiences and desires wouldn't line up with such a man, not because I would be ashamed to be with him.

My point was simply that I didn't think OPs post deserved to get attacked on its face when she said that women looking for relationships should demand more before becoming intimate. I think people of both genders who are looking for relationships would do themselves a service if they demanded more time and some level of commitment before engaging sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

It Is a shame that the hard fought feminist movement's end result is women giving men exactly what they want and bearing the consequences of it all in the name of "equality".

It is not an accomplishment to end up with the worst and least empowering parts of stereotypical "maleness", ie promiscuity and likely a smattering of STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

I'm the first quoted poster above, and I agree with the poster immediately above 100% (and, as I expressed in my most immediate post, I'm actually (I think) quite conservative, despite the 'liberal' label that's been tossed on many quotes of my post. Maybe I'm more liberal than I thought.

Yes, people can choose to be in (or not be in) a relationship with anyone they deem has had too many or too few sexual partners, that is their right just as it is their right to not be in a relationship with someone whose politics or religion or career choices don't align with theirs. That's personal choice, or personal judgement even, but both are an individual's right.

"Shaming" is something different - it's more than making a choice about who you'll date - it's casting aspersions on someone, at its worst, publicly or online, and even in this day and age, it still only happens to women where promiscuity is concerned. Occasionally men are shamed, but it's for cheating (a la Tiger Woods) not for being sexual at all. It kind of blows my mind that with the recent incidents of online teen 'slut shaming' and resulting suicides that anyone thinks it's acceptable, or beneficial to society to 'shame' people(women) for their sexual behavior (absent cheating and the knowing spread of STDs, both of which, I agree, are shameful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

You're free to believe that.

[Anonymous]

The worst thing about this thread is that it exists vis a vis women, but there will likely never be a companion one this lengthy about men and sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

Of course I can and so do many others. A person with brown hair is a brunette. A person with multiple sex partners is a sleeze. Just keepin' it real

Judge away dear. I guess I'd rather be a sleaze than an uptight, frigid prune with hangups. See how the judgement can go both ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

Not by anyone whose opinion matters. 'Shaming' me in your head just keeps me on your mind and keeps you frustrated with the 'liberals', while I'm going about my life not thinking about you at all. If this is an activity you want to take up often you have every right, but it seems like a waste to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I, the immediate PP, am still mocked if people find out I've only had one partner - usually when I mention it online, or mentioned, when I was dating, that I was a virgin. I've thought so much about it, and still don't understand why it's ok to mock someone who (purposeful) limited experience.

It isn't o.k. to mock you but I think that you might come across as a bit holier than thou. There is nothing wrong with being highly selective and holding out for marriage but don't expect to get medals for doing so. You are doing that for you and because it is the right thing for you to do, you aren't doing it to impress anyone else - which is exactly how it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

Not by anyone whose opinion matters. 'Shaming' me in your head just keeps me on your mind and keeps you frustrated with the 'liberals', while I'm going about my life not thinking about you at all. If this is an activity you want to take up often you have every right, but it seems like a waste to me.

I'm not a liberal and I don't engage in this shaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

How does me having 500 sexual partners impact your life in any way? Where the hell do you get off on "shaming.?" It's totally ok to say that not for you and you'd rather have something different, but you absolutely do not get to shame me for it. You really need to look inward and figure out where the anger is coming from.

Well in a way it does impact my life. The diseases spread faster if a lot of people are having a lot of sex partners. Think of it like this. If I go to a place where there is a lot of TB and I get coughed on repeatedly while there then come back home and spread the didease, then others are affected. If a lot of people travel t an area with lots of TB then come back home to many work paces and social gatherings then more people get TB. Get it?

It doesn't actually work that way in educated populations. In educated populations, the more sex partners people have the less lilkely they are to have STDs. The mechanism behind that isn't clear, but it's probably because they are more careful and take more care of their health. They use condoms more consistently and get tested more frequently. People who have fewer partners have more STDS. Again, the mechanism isn't clear but it's probably because they feel "safe" and assume their partner is "safe" and so they don't use condoms and don't get screened as much as they should.

More people should be responsible sluts. It's better for the health of the community.