I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

Again, that's fine. But don't be surprised when you're judged accordingly for your actions by many people, including potential partners.

They wouldn't want to be with the type of man who would have a problem with those actions (which I always thought was just dating). And no one else judging them equates to anything more than a dirty look or a whisper, if that.

Right. They'll end up with the sorts of guys the OP described. If that's what you want, great.

But you'd be surprised how many decent men won't be attracted to women who "don't think banging guys is a big deal." Guys who just want to bang chicks, yeah, you'll be popular.

Or, they'll end up with the type of guys they want. Just not at 26.

You're certainly free to believe that.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

+1 Its not shameful to admit besides a career one wants a fulfilling loving relationship with a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

+1 Its not shameful to admit besides a career one wants a fulfilling loving relationship with a man.

No one is saying it is. Stop making stuff up. It's also not shameful to have a lot of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

+1 Its not shameful to admit besides a career one wants a fulfilling loving relationship with a man.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

I really have to agree too.

I can't believe I am agreeing to this, but of believe it is on point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

OP here, very well said, I could not agree more. And I was born at the end of the baby boom years. I did the career thing, I have a career that many women would envy. But the lonely years were very hard. I never slept around since I am a germ phone and had one bad experience early on that involved a boy being so rude that I had to admit that my mother was right about some things (she was born in the 1930s). From there I really started to examine the whole sexual revolution that had some social gains, but many losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the comments so maybe someone already addressed this, but I feel the problem is that contemporary culture equates female empowerment with --not promiscuity exactly, but the ability to embrace sexuality without commitment or even emotional involvement. Some women truly seem to enjoy low-involvement F-ing. However, I've met many more women in their college years and 20s who become sexually involved very quickly because they want to come off as confident, fun, independent, and not prudish, all while they secretly hope to turn the dalliance into a relationship. Sometimes that happens, but when it doesn't, these women end up feeling rejected or used, not empowered.

I blame this cultural dynamic on college-educated feminist moms who came of age in the 60s. It seems that many of them, including mine, encouraged their daughters to think of marriage as a distraction from the careers their daughters needed to focus on in order ensure their independence, personal empowerment, and ultimate fulfillment. Partnering up in a serious way before age 30 was viewed as a sell-out of one's potential as a career woman. This attitude translated among young women into a sense that aspiring to find a husband in one's twenties was lame and weak...and an agenda that should be denied to avoid scaring the boys.

OP here, very well said, I could not agree more. And I was born at the end of the baby boom years. I did the career thing, I have a career that many women would envy. But the lonely years were very hard. I never slept around since I am a germ phone and had one bad experience early on that involved a boy being so rude that I had to admit that my mother was right about some things (she was born in the 1930s). From there I really started to examine the whole sexual revolution that had some social gains, but many losses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

[Anonymous]

The other problem with having so many partners now is that now your expectations are higher in marriage and the second the sex life starts to have problems, you star to wax nostalgic about past sex partners and your mind starts to wander.

Most of our grandparents had sex with one person in their entire life. They didn't have anything else to compare their current sex life well. Yes, it's better today to have more choice when picking a partner, but there are downsides to that too. And knowing your current partner has slept with X number of people can raise some insecurities as well. And put pressure on you to live up to the standards of those other people your partner was with. It's just all messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

But you must agree that anyone can step away from a relationship with someone who has had many partners without being shamed for wanting nothing to do with that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

+1

The idea that anyone should be free to have as many sex partners as you want without being judged or shamed is part of the lie. Of course you will be judged. And shamed. Sorry, but there are consequences to actions.

[Anonymous]

For cryin out loud, just know what you want and communicate. Don't play games, say yes or no and mean it. I've had two crazy no strings attached flings in my youth and knew exactly what I was doing and so did the other person. I look back on these flings with no regrets. Because I wear big girl pants. Don't tell me what to do with my "promiscuity."

I also said no when i felt like it. Again, don't admire my decision to abstain as being virtuous-- nothing to do with that.

I think what you mean is women and men need to gain some maturity before engaging in grown up hide the salami.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with most of the immediate PPs. Everyone, male and female, is entitled to have as much sex as they want with as many partners as they want, and should be able to do so without being shamed. The way I read the title of the thread is that OP wishes women would demand more in a RELATIONSHIP before getting intimate. That is, if what the woman wants is a relationship, not a casual hookup, or friends with benefits scenario, it's generally a best practice to actually get to know the person and that they want they same thing (demanding a little more time and commitment) before becoming intimate, so as to avoid disappointment.

This liberal nonsense that you can't "shame" anyone for being slutty is wrong. Of course people are free to shame sluts. There are good reasons why promiscuity is looked down upon. It is immoral. It won't help your physical or mental health. It won't help you build a quality relationship with a man. It doesn't help you build a family. The "silent majority" and wise people understand this.

1) it is not ok to shame someone for behaving differently than you deem appropriate when it's harming no one. Absolutely not ok to shame people who have many sex partner. I won't even call it the same thing you called it
2) it could be bad for your health but it could also be really good. Have you orgasmed lately? It's very healthy. It releases enorpenes.
3) Some peole just want sex, not a relationship or a family. Why is that so hard to grasp?
4) there is nothing silent about your type, but how I wish there was.