I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is that this 26 year old wants something for her life, but feels she has to hide it. THAT is not okay. If she enjoys having sex, then great. But if she's sleeping with guys because she thinks it's going to get them to like her and eventually marry her, that's a problem. If she feels she can't share her hopes and dreams with someone because it will scare them away, that's a problem.

Bottom line: it sounds like this young woman (and perhaps many others) don't feel good enough about themselves to ask for AND wait for what they want. If you want respect or love or intimacy, then that means walking away from someone who doesn't give it.

[Anonymous]

This is a moral issue if she is always getting burned and hurt. That is moral.

[Anonymous]

Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

Sometimes what people really want and what they convey are patently different. My guess is that when this person truly feels the need to settle down, it will happen.

As for the STD she got that needed surgery - sounds like HPV. It's almost unavoidable if you are dating, and there's no screening test for men. So you can be completely careful and still get it.

Correction. It is almost unavoidable if you are having sex with multiple partners, outside of a committed relationship. In other words, behaving in a promiscuous manner. That has nothing to do with "dating."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Exactly.

Because she realizes how common this attitude and behavior is among young single women. And many of us concur, because we know others in this exact situation.

[Anonymous]

hey, I like easy women...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hey, I like easy women...

Then you should be in Hog Heaven, because clearly, there are a lot of them around.

But question: If you ever grow up and have a daughter of your own, would you feel the same way about her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

Sometimes what people really want and what they convey are patently different. My guess is that when this person truly feels the need to settle down, it will happen.

As for the STD she got that needed surgery - sounds like HPV. It's almost unavoidable if you are dating, and there's no screening test for men. So you can be completely careful and still get it.

Correction. It is almost unavoidable if you are having sex with multiple partners, outside of a committed relationship. In other words, behaving in a promiscuous manner. That has nothing to do with "dating."

Agree. Fewer partners, fewer diseases. This generation is heading down a messed up path.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's any sort of tragedy that this woman has had 15 partners in 11 years, or that she has HPV (I'm presuming) and had a LEEP; almost everyone has HPV at some time, so she could've had one partner and had the same deal, it's not an indicator of her promiscuity.

I do think it's sad that she doesn't feel she can ask for the type of relationship she wants. And I think it's even more sad for all of the married women out there in the same boat, stuck in a relationship they don't really want with no change in the horizon.

Let's feel bad that there are so many unhappy people walking around out here, coupled and single. Not about the amount of sex being had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

+1. I know this is going to be offensive, but for men, sex is a bigger part of the relationship than for women. I've had men I know tell me, flat out, that they do not bother with long term relationships because they can get sex basically whenever they want anyway. I know that is such a cliche, but it does harm younger women, who have a biological clock, and most women do not just want to have sex for a couple months and move on to the next guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

Does someone else's promiscuity cheapen the sex you're having? If not, sounds like your energy being concerned could be better spent elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hey, I like easy women...

Then you should be in Hog Heaven, because clearly, there are a lot of them around.

But question: If you ever grow up and have a daughter of your own, would you feel the same way about her?

Guys can't help it if women make themselves easy. It's not guys fault is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

Does someone else's promiscuity cheapen the sex you're having? If not, sounds like your energy being concerned could be better spent elsewhere.

Because we have to listen to our single friends whining and crying about how men are this and that. This cheapens my life experience.