I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Sometimes I feel like women just ask for trouble. Maybe smart but unable to make good decisions...

[Anonymous]

As a 54 year old, me too!

Yes, all my contemporaries had sexual relationships before marriage, but we are talking a handful, not dozens. It's not about "slut shaming" it's about common sense and self esteem.

[Anonymous]

OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

[Anonymous]

This is so sad, OP, but I don't doubt a word of it. I know other young women in similar situations, with this mindset.

I hope that you can continue to be a positive influence in her life and encourage this young woman to surround herself with a higher caliber of friends. If this is the company she is keeping, that is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

Yes, sometimes the truth is very harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

A lot of guys do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

A lot of guys do.

So I woman should live her life according to what a guy wants. That is the exact opposite of what the OP is talking about. I think knowing what SHE wants and owning it is preferable.

[Anonymous]

I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

Sometimes what people really want and what they convey are patently different. My guess is that when this person truly feels the need to settle down, it will happen.

As for the STD she got that needed surgery - sounds like HPV. It's almost unavoidable if you are dating, and there's no screening test for men. So you can be completely careful and still get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

And OP promptly took her friend's idiocy/issues and applied them with a broad brush to all womankind.

Not all women want a relationship to have sex.

Offensive. She's a slut-shaming prude who should be deeply ashamed of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/sti-estimates-fact-sheet-feb-2013.pdf

It requires a lot of screening...there is so much out there