WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people who change adopted kid's names are the WORST.

I did not even change my DOG'S name when we adopted her because she knew it. And it was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know the name!!!

Brandy Alexander

Bubbles

Mikasa Crystal

[Anonymous]

22:53---When was the last time your dog applied for a job?

[Anonymous]

I think this child deserves to have a name that will be socially acceptable in the circles in which she will be raised. However, OP, if you change it, you must do so in a way that shows respect for her budding sense of self and celebrates the new name as a symbol of her entry into a new family, not an indication that she is unacceptable as is. If you changed your maiden name at the time of marriage, maybe tell her that and explain to her that taking a new name is one way for her to celebrate becoming part of a new family.

Let her work with you to choose the name. Ask her what names she likes, and suggest some that you like, and see if you can find something that works for both of you. Take her to a book store and make a big deal about buying a name book. Treat the name selection as a project you do together. And keep the current name as a middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ust to give you a little perspective, OP - my 5 year old came home from school last week saying they were getting a new student in their class. The girl's name was a popular flavor of ice cream - my initial (internal) reaction was a bit judgmental, but my 5 year old expressed no judgement at all, wrote a card for his new (not yet met) school friend, and was very excited to meet her! I think we can all take a lesson from 5 year olds here - we can have kindness and openness in our hearts when we don't have life experiences that teach us to be judgmental about certain names.

This child has suffered trauma - which I'm sure you must realize, even if she doesn't know her birth mother. She needs to be accepted for EXACTLY WHO SHE IS, and part of who she is is her name. She needs "unconditional positive regard" (read Carl Rogers). She is 4 years old - her name is integral to her identity. As others have stated, she can always change her own name legally as an adult, if it is hindering job prospects, and a nickname can be used in the meantime if SHE likes it. Validating who this little beautiful being is, is one of your jobs. Part of her beauty is her name - as her parent you must find that beauty.

Are you an adoptive mom? Because this whole post comes across as the pollyanna viewpoint of someone who has not walked that walk.

Please, tell us that you would have had the same reaction if you had been told that your DC needed to go through life as Pistacchio Dulce de Leche because the name was "integral to her identity".

OP does not have to "find that beauty" in a name that OP realistically anticipates will hinder her daughter later in life. I think the seguewaying into a new name is definitely the way to go.

Exactly what I was thinking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this child deserves to have a name that will be socially acceptable in the circles in which she will be raised. However, OP, if you change it, you must do so in a way that shows respect for her budding sense of self and celebrates the new name as a symbol of her entry into a new family, not an indication that she is unacceptable as is. If you changed your maiden name at the time of marriage, maybe tell her that and explain to her that taking a new name is one way for her to celebrate becoming part of a new family.

Let her work with you to choose the name. Ask her what names she likes, and suggest some that you like, and see if you can find something that works for both of you. Take her to a book store and make a big deal about buying a name book. Treat the name selection as a project you do together. And keep the current name as a middle name.

I really like these ideas!! I hope OP is reading still. The point you made about a woman changing her name when she marries is really good and I think would be really good to talk about with a child in this situation. If the new name had significance in this new family (grandma's name, maybe mom's maiden name) even better!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry it took so long to get back here. Things got very hectic very quickly, especially as we found out last minute there was an older sister available for adoption.

We are now parents to two daughters! The one I was posting here about is Champagne Glitz. I was not kidding about the name. Her older sister also has a stripper name but almost immediately DH found a tweak to it and we will aim to work towards modifying her name to the nickname if she's amenable.

Please know that even though it took me quite some time to update you all, DH and I both read through all your responses and appreciate the time each of you took to weigh in with your opinions.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a previous poster (adopted, my parents changed my name too) who thought you should change the name gradually, while keeping her first name as a middle name. Seeing the name only confirms my initial opinion. A name like that will absolutely hinder her later in life. Good on you for doing the best you can with it, without saddling her with that weight. Best of luck to you and your new family. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry it took so long to get back here. Things got very hectic very quickly, especially as we found out last minute there was an older sister available for adoption.

We are now parents to two daughters! The one I was posting here about is Champagne Glitz. I was not kidding about the name. Her older sister also has a stripper name but almost immediately DH found a tweak to it and we will aim to work towards modifying her name to the nickname if she's amenable.

Please know that even though it took me quite some time to update you all, DH and I both read through all your responses and appreciate the time each of you took to weigh in with your opinions.

Congratulations, OP. Best wishes to you, your husband, C.G. and your entire family!

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP! I like Paige for a nickname. Best of luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Or Payne or Payton.

[Anonymous]

OP, now i'm working on that name! It is a tough one. You could call her Shayne? It's kind of a shortened version of Champaigne phontetically.

[Anonymous]

*phonetically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, now i'm working on that name! It is a tough one. You could call her Shayne? It's kind of a shortened version of Champaigne phontetically.

Maybe. Her sister's name is Chanel, and DH was calling her Chanelly within a day of meeting her so we're hoping that will lend itself to Nelly in the future. Champagne is a screamer, and it seems she was called "Pagne in the ass" and other things like it, where she was living prior, so we are thinking we should move away from anything sounding like "pain."

[Anonymous]

Congratulations!!! I love the idea of moving to Nell for Chanel.

Champagne is certainly awful enough for you to change guiltfree. I think Shane -- just like that, no Y -- is a great name. A bit daring, but if you're up for it, very cool. If you can't stand going that androgynous, then Shayne or Shayna. Or you could keep the principal sound of the name by going with Ainsley.

Happy for all of you guys!! Best.