Reply to WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

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Reply to "WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]ust to give you a little perspective, OP - my 5 year old came home from school last week saying they were getting a new student in their class. The girl's name was a popular flavor of ice cream - my initial (internal) reaction was a bit judgmental, but my 5 year old expressed no judgement at all, wrote a card for his new (not yet met) school friend, and was very excited to meet her! I think we can all take a lesson from 5 year olds here - we can have kindness and openness in our hearts when we don't have life experiences that teach us to be judgmental about certain names.

This child has suffered trauma - which I'm sure you must realize, even if she doesn't know her birth mother. She needs to be accepted for EXACTLY WHO SHE IS, and part of who she is is her name. She needs "unconditional positive regard" (read Carl Rogers). She is 4 years old - her name is integral to her identity. As others have stated, she can always change her own name legally as an adult, if it is hindering job prospects, and a nickname can be used in the meantime if SHE likes it. Validating who this little beautiful being is, is one of your jobs. Part of her beauty is her name - as her parent you must find that beauty. [/quote]

Are you an adoptive mom?  Because this whole post comes across as the pollyanna viewpoint of someone who has not walked that walk.

[b]Please, tell us that you would have had the same reaction if you had been told that your DC needed to go through life as Pistacchio Dulce de Leche because the name was "integral to her identity".  [/b]

OP does not have to "find that beauty" in a name that OP realistically anticipates will hinder her daughter later in life.  I think the seguewaying into a new name is definitely the way to go.  [/quote]

Exactly what I was thinking!

[/quote]

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