WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP that brought up your "white trash" comment. There's a special place in my heart for the foster-adopt parents, so I totally believe you're coming from a good place. But another suggestion is, if you don't already, get to know some of the background of the culture the child comes from. Not just whatever dysfunctional family it may be, but the GOOD parts of that culture. I come from an area that gets maligned as "white trash" a lot. In reality, there are a lot of truly hard-working, charitable, smart and kind people who have created decent lives for themselves out of next to nothing. And many of them have lived or do live in trailers. If this is where she came from, she should be raised to be proud of her background and know that there are good people who come from there.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine the name is that bad. I have an Aunt Brandee-- I'm sure everyone on DCUM would say what a stripper name! But it's fine. She's a normal person, she doesn't mind her name, it is what it is.

It seems wrong and somewhat superficial to me that you want to do this (maybe). What you are doing for this child is a great thing-- changing her name would sully that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her, "When we adopt you, there is a very special thing that you can pick another name for yourself if you want." My friends did this with their adopted son (who was atleast 9 when he was adopted). He chose a nice, bland name for his first name that was the name of one of his friends from a prior foster home. He ended up being something like "David Jayson Anderson." I can't remember his previous name, but his new name was special to him. He chose Jayson because his adoptive father's name was Jay - and he was now Jay's son.

Picking a new name would be fine. Of course, I know many 4 year olds that might pick "Princess Sparkle." So OP might end up with something she hates even more.

OP, I wouldn't worry about the name. You'll need to get over your dislike of it.

Heh. I saw a kid about that age on Toddlers and Tiaras once who insisted that her name was Rainbow Dash, and that's what her mother and all the announcers dutifully called her.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask if she had ever wanted a different name? When I was four I desperately wanted to be Ann. She might surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a VERY "white trash/stripper" type of name. However, the child is old enough that she knows her name already and we don't want to screw with her head by changing her name. It's not one that lends to any sort of good nicknames. But we REALLLLLLLLY hate the name. To be honest, I'm kind of embarrassed by it.

What would you do?

It's the only thing the child that is her own. How old is the child?

She's 4.

I adopted
My son at that age. It is apart of him. We kept his name. It was the name that his living first mother gave him.

[Anonymous]

Loving, not living. I have fat fingers.

[Anonymous]

I'm sad that you would even want to change it. Might be white trash/stripper name to you but might mean something special to that family. Leave the child with her name. I'm sure she went through a lot and doesn't need to go through a name change to make yourself feel more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nevaeh -- Neve
Destiny - Desi
Crystal/Krystal - Krys, Krissy
Sparkle- Lele
Heaven - Veve
Kenya-Kenny
Rhoda - Rho
Rhonda- Ronnie
Brytnny - Brye

Hilarious!

[Anonymous]

This makes me so sad.

I am sure it is not the case, but it makes it seem like you want her not for the child she is, but for the dream child you prefer to have.

I think this is different from changing the name of an infant, or calling her by a nickname, or giving an older child the option of picking a new name like the Jayson poster.

My sister gave up an infant in a private adoption. She gave the child her first names out of love for the child, knowing her parents would likely change the name. When they reunited years later, the now teen was happy to learn of the orignial name...it was a part of her story.

Changing your daughters name because you have disdain for it and what it represents is not a positive way to bring her into your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He chose Jayson because his adoptive father's name was Jay - and he was now Jay's son.

I just wanted to say that is so sweet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so sad.

I am sure it is not the case, but it makes it seem like you want her not for the child she is, but for the dream child you prefer to have.

I think this is different from changing the name of an infant, or calling her by a nickname, or giving an older child the option of picking a new name like the Jayson poster.

My sister gave up an infant in a private adoption. She gave the child her first names out of love for the child, knowing her parents would likely change the name. When they reunited years later, the now teen was happy to learn of the orignial name...it was a part of her story.

Changing your daughters name because you have disdain for it and what it represents is not a positive way to bring her into your family.

I adopted two older children from foster care. Your post resonates with me. I could never have changed their names, especially after using those names for so long. I think it's weird that some posters think you ask a four year old what she wants her name to be. I also think it's naive to think that a four year old would pick a name that OP would find acceptable. I also can't believe that after having a child that you love you would still hate the name after the passage of time. It does seem like OP is looking for something other than what she is getting.

[Anonymous]

I've never liked my name. I would have changed it in an instant, at any age, if I had been given the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never liked my name. I would have changed it in an instant, at any age, if I had been given the chance.

But that's your choice - it's not the insinuation of newly adoptive parents that your name (and presumably other aspects of your background) aren't quite good enough.

Please OP, don't change her name, don't rename her via a nickname or middle name, and don't encourage her to do so until and unless it is a conscious choice that she makes of her own volition. There are plenty of incredibly successful people with names that they might not have chosen, and more importantly, tons of wildly happy people with names that you or I (or even they themselves) might think are ridiculous. Her first name is not her destiny, and it is the one piece of her life until now that she truly owns and can keep with her, so it's a wild disservice to change it or to pressure her to change it.

[Anonymous]

Keep her name as a middle name, but give her a new, classic and boring name that she can use as an adult if she chooses when she goes to college / begins working.

Just keep your new name classic. I can imagine the hilarious things the people you call "white trash" say about snobby, rich people names.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing it's probably "Misty"