Parents of boys who became incels

[Anonymous]

All of this drama over boys who are angry about not getting action? I don’t get it.

It’s a part of life. Some are late bloomers. It’s the same for girls! Many don’t have boyfriends.

It’s certainly not the end of the world! They’re just children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

We shouldn't set up unfair advantages based on gender and then tell the losers that "life isn't fair" because then they will reject your entire concept for how society should run. Then they become vulnerable to influence by bad people on the fringes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Don't worry about mine. I don't even have to give them the look. They simply know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

We shouldn't set up unfair advantages based on gender and then tell the losers that "life isn't fair" because then they will reject your entire concept for how society should run. Then they become vulnerable to influence by bad people on the fringes.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

Yeah, mostly because of as***s like you raising other as***s to shun non-atheletic boys. That's what this whole thread is about. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

Yeah, mostly because of as***s like you raising other as***s to shun non-atheletic boys. That's what this whole thread is about. You are the problem.

WTF is your problem? My boy is not athletic and because we don't believe in strict gender roles we find ourselves in a position where his girlfriends are abandoning him for other girls and he is not athletic enough for the boys. Where did you get it mixed up? I hate this culture but it can't change as long as sensitive and more imaginative boys are shunned from both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

I see this example went over your head. In their minds the competition should be for 4 positions total without gender specifications. They know intellectually why there is such a thing but when they see how they are disadvantaged personally and in a specific way, it is not reality to think a 20yo guy would say "ok well I understand that since women my grandmother's age would not have had the same chances as men 60 years ago, then my classmate who is a girl should take this spot even though I performed better than she did." It doesn't help the girls either. And it makes men/boys more susceptible to victimhood thinking, deserved or not. Even as a 'feminist' who has raised awareness and non-entitled thinking in my boys growing up, I can see why they might feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

Yeah, mostly because of as***s like you raising other as***s to shun non-atheletic boys. That's what this whole thread is about. You are the problem.

WTF is your problem? My boy is not athletic and because we don't believe in strict gender roles we find ourselves in a position where his girlfriends are abandoning him for other girls and he is not athletic enough for the boys. Where did you get it mixed up? I hate this culture but it can't change as long as sensitive and more imaginative boys are shunned from both sides.

The problem is you are perpetuating the idea that your child is struggling because he is not good at sports. Do you not see how harmful that is to him? Instead of musing about your child should be something he is not, perhaps help him find a different group of friends who will accept him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

Yeah, mostly because of as***s like you raising other as***s to shun non-atheletic boys. That's what this whole thread is about. You are the problem.

WTF is your problem? My boy is not athletic and because we don't believe in strict gender roles we find ourselves in a position where his girlfriends are abandoning him for other girls and he is not athletic enough for the boys. Where did you get it mixed up? I hate this culture but it can't change as long as sensitive and more imaginative boys are shunned from both sides.

The problem is you are perpetuating the idea that your child is struggling because he is not good at sports. Do you not see how harmful that is to him? Instead of musing about your child should be something he is not, perhaps help him find a different group of friends who will accept him for who he is.

I am watching it happen in real time and I have never projected such a message. It’s just the cold hard truth and if it were so simple to “find a different group” then of course I would. The kids at his school (very progressive neighborhood) are sorting themselves this way and there really isn’t anything I can do about it. Maybe you could offer a helpful suggestion rather then exhibiting toxic masculinity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

I see this example went over your head. In their minds the competition should be for 4 positions total without gender specifications. They know intellectually why there is such a thing but when they see how they are disadvantaged personally and in a specific way, it is not reality to think a 20yo guy would say "ok well I understand that since women my grandmother's age would not have had the same chances as men 60 years ago, then my classmate who is a girl should take this spot even though I performed better than she did." It doesn't help the girls either. And it makes men/boys more susceptible to victimhood thinking, deserved or not. Even as a 'feminist' who has raised awareness and non-entitled thinking in my boys growing up, I can see why they might feel this way.

That is a bold faced lie. Women are not getting anything simply because they are women. 9 times out of 10 we have to work harder just to be taken seriously because people like you look at us and think "oh just another DEI hire." If you aren't successful that is 100% on you and not because some woman got a spot you deserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

I see this example went over your head. In their minds the competition should be for 4 positions total without gender specifications. They know intellectually why there is such a thing but when they see how they are disadvantaged personally and in a specific way, it is not reality to think a 20yo guy would say "ok well I understand that since women my grandmother's age would not have had the same chances as men 60 years ago, then my classmate who is a girl should take this spot even though I performed better than she did." It doesn't help the girls either. And it makes men/boys more susceptible to victimhood thinking, deserved or not. Even as a 'feminist' who has raised awareness and non-entitled thinking in my boys growing up, I can see why they might feel this way.

That is a bold faced lie. Women are not getting anything simply because they are women. 9 times out of 10 we have to work harder just to be taken seriously because people like you look at us and think "oh just another DEI hire." If you aren't successful that is 100% on you and not because some woman got a spot you deserved.

I am not sure what part is a lie. I was giving a specific example from my college ds and his roommate and how it affected their thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

Well let me tell you what that looks like in real life because that’s what I did. Now he is caught between two worlds where he is not fitting in. The girls don’t want to play with a boy and the boys don’t think he is strong/fast enough to play with them and so he is left out on all sides.

What? Raising a feminist boy does not mean not good at sports. My god, the stupidity in this thread.

Actually it does in some cases so thanks for your insult. If you don't prioritize sports because you think that your kid will be perfectly fine being accepted for who they are, then you will have a rude awakening when they get shunned by athletic boys for not being sporty and most girl groups since they don't want a boy to be in the mix as they get older. Ask me how I know.

Yeah, mostly because of as***s like you raising other as***s to shun non-atheletic boys. That's what this whole thread is about. You are the problem.

WTF is your problem? My boy is not athletic and because we don't believe in strict gender roles we find ourselves in a position where his girlfriends are abandoning him for other girls and he is not athletic enough for the boys. Where did you get it mixed up? I hate this culture but it can't change as long as sensitive and more imaginative boys are shunned from both sides.

The problem is you are perpetuating the idea that your child is struggling because he is not good at sports. Do you not see how harmful that is to him? Instead of musing about your child should be something he is not, perhaps help him find a different group of friends who will accept him for who he is.

I am watching it happen in real time and I have never projected such a message. It’s just the cold hard truth and if it were so simple to “find a different group” then of course I would. The kids at his school (very progressive neighborhood) are sorting themselves this way and there really isn’t anything I can do about it. Maybe you could offer a helpful suggestion rather then exhibiting toxic masculinity?

I REALLY hate when men project their asinine opinions as "cold hard truths." I also don't think you don't have the slightest idea about what toxic masculinity is since you exhibit all of the symptoms yet blame me for when I disagree. I have a son who is not athletic, who also has ADHD and ASD. You are talking to someone who is living this day in and day out. I don't push him to try sports that he hates just so some jocks at his school will accept him. I tell him that his tribe is a different group of people. He is in a chess club and D&D club. That's who he clicks with. I tell him that he is enough and celebrate his differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one clear message on which we can all agree, form this whole incel thing, is:

- boys need to be far more educated and raised as feminists. It is the antidote to toxic masculinity. I am talking to you, boy-moms.

It is more complicated than that. I have to be sympathetic to their perceptions since THEY seem to be bearing the brunt of the mistakes and bad behavior of generations of men before them. My boys know and have been told about the inequities in history (not just towards women but other cultural groups and races). They know to stand up for people. But all they know is the life they are living and struggling through themselves.

For example, my oldest's college roommate (boys) worked for weeks on a presentation for a prestigious internship position. There were spots for 2 boys and 2 girls from their school. There were about 20 boys and 3 girls who applied. His roommate did not get it despite being very qualified (grades, ecs etc) but one of the girls who got it had actually ran out of the presentation room in tears due to nerves. This really upset my feminist-raised ds on behalf of his roommate. It isn't going to make them the next Joe Rogans or anything but it doesn't engender empathy.

It is easy to say raise them that way but they face so many other factors and situations outside of the home especially as they get older - peers, reality, internet, other adults and leaders, etc.

Weird example, as it’s just a numbers game here. This shouldn’t have anything to do with feminism or empathy—just, sometimes life’s not fair. You can’t always get what you want, and all that.

It feels like everyone is constantly looking for someone to blame for every single disappointment, rather than shrugging it off and looking for a different opportunity.

I see this example went over your head. In their minds the competition should be for 4 positions total without gender specifications. They know intellectually why there is such a thing but when they see how they are disadvantaged personally and in a specific way, it is not reality to think a 20yo guy would say "ok well I understand that since women my grandmother's age would not have had the same chances as men 60 years ago, then my classmate who is a girl should take this spot even though I performed better than she did." It doesn't help the girls either. And it makes men/boys more susceptible to victimhood thinking, deserved or not. Even as a 'feminist' who has raised awareness and non-entitled thinking in my boys growing up, I can see why they might feel this way.

That is a bold faced lie. Women are not getting anything simply because they are women. 9 times out of 10 we have to work harder just to be taken seriously because people like you look at us and think "oh just another DEI hire." If you aren't successful that is 100% on you and not because some woman got a spot you deserved.

I am not sure what part is a lie. I was giving a specific example from my college ds and his roommate and how it affected their thinking.

Well, instead of shrugging your shoulders, you should dispell that BS line of thinking.