Parents of boys who became incels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

This is terrible! Are you sure they are not violent? They could be, or possibly become violent

Are the video games used the ultra violent types? I bet at least some of them are

These posts are so much bull shite trolling. No fresh air every day! OMG alert the police. The non stop anxiety some of you have about your sons is so embarrassingly stupid. Did either of you actually attend college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

Same. It's political trolling. The rwnjs want all of us to feel that if we work and aren't leading the charge on the home front our sons will become homicidal maniacs. It's an attempt at political based manipulation. They are constantly trying to keep us off balance feeling guilty about something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

You have to watch Netflix’s “Adolescence” series. It explains everything about how boys are turning into incels today.

No it doesn't. Your continued hysteria over this series shows you lack of critical thinking ability. The story the show is based on is not the norm and does not exemplify what is going on in boy's lives. You are hysterical and probably need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do we think upwards of 25% of boys are labeled as ADHD in elementary school? They grow up in an environment built for girls for 7 hours a day and are medicated to stay quieter. Our society no longer understands or appreciates little boys and this is the natural outcome.

Well, no. It's the boys (and their parents, and society's expectations/ tolerance level) that have changed. Sitting quietly and respectfully for a full school day used to be the norm. There was an ironclad expectation from schools and parents alike that children, boys included, behave themselves in class. This was true from the earliest days of congregate education, up until, well, now. Even when I was a kid, when ADHD meds were rare but corporal punishment was a thing of the past, there was nothing like the chaos that reigns in today's classrooms at every level. So it's not even that we used to beat them into compliance (though of course we did-- it just wasn't the only factor.)

So boys are no longer expected to sit quietly and do their work. And yet they still expect to win at everything, when girls following the rules and doing the work are right there modeling the behavior that used to be expected of all students. The only explanation for this is that parents have abdicated their responsibility to raise respectful humans, and communicated to their boys the sense of entitlement-- the right to be wild, to play rough, to denigrate their teachers-- and the understanding that this will not affect their futures.

Want better men? Raise better boys. Shelve the excuses.

You can say this until you’re blue in the face but until there is a shift in how society views and treats little boys (re read your own post for example), boys will continue to gravitate towards “cool men who get me!” like the idiot MRA guys.

The discussion is about how to prevent boys from becoming incels, right? So you've shot down better parenting/ more engagement, and you've shot down higher expectations. Unless you have a society-changeinator device, I guess all that's left is giving up. Tried nothing and you're all out of ideas.

We had many of these problems solved decades ago. Just need to eliminate the new stuff that doesn’t work. For instance, the obsession with showing work in math is a complete waste of time. In math, you’re right or wrong. That’s it. Adding words to the solution changes it away from a math problem.

While I am not entirely persuaded math alone leads boys to life as incels, there is certainly a contribution to toxic masculinity coming from the rigidity of mathematics as it exists.

JFC! Did you actually write this? Is this The Onion?

Who are you people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

So you married their dad, who is apparently also a huge loser. What does that say about YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

Honestly I can buy the “not in this economy” to an extent for moms who are *just* starting a family.
But for ones who have been moms for the last 10+ years…nope.
“The economy” isn’t the barrier to moms staying home.
It’s the societal myth that is perpetuating the idea that SAHMs will be bored or boring…and the expectation that a family of four needs a 4,500+ square foot home, needs to drive luxury vehicles that are kept for no more than 4 years, and needs to vacation overseas at least dr once every few years. People are living waaaaay above the standard of living that one income can afford. And they are choosing that over prioritizing the health and wellness of their kids.

This comes from so much privilege. For example, I was in the first generation to graduate from college in my family. Both my husband and I had a ton of college debt to pay off, which happened well after our kids were born. We weren’t working for new cars, McMansions, or fancy vacations. Now we are working so we can pay for our own kids’ schooling, planning for retirement, etc. It takes both our incomes, but we aren’t rolling in luxury.

[Anonymous]

I think incels are like a Sasquatch. Some people think they exist but I’ve never seen one. Apparently this is the new boogie man for UMC White females.

[Anonymous]

I believe in having frank and genuine conversations with children. Make sure that all your morality lessons and life advice have solid logical reasoning behind it, and show them how doing the right things will help them succeed.

Children are listening to you - intently. But, parents are not talking to kids, or talking BS, or not walking the walk themselves, or giving them unusable advice that has nothing to do with the reality of their children's lives.

You also have to be very involved in their lives, keep them constructively busy, make sure that they have the company of good kids, and lead a balanced life. Kids should be having fun, learning, planning, executing and succeeding.

What does it require from you as a parent? It requires you to give up your leisure time and your selfishness for the sake of your children. You have to put your kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it require from you as a parent? It requires you to give up your leisure time and your selfishness for the sake of your children. You have to put your kids first.

But careers. But McMansions. But the Land Rover. But the country club. But the boat.

You reap what you sow. Settle in because you made your bed.

[Anonymous]

Why the focus of White parents is on making sure that the sexual needs of their White male offsprings are met?

Parents are worried that their boys will become InCels (which stands for involuntary Celibates - ie - women don't want to have sex with them), but in reality, men can always have sex with prostitutes or sex workers. They also rape women, children and animals to get their sexual pleasure or feel powerful.

The problem is not that the InCels cannot find women who will WILLINGLY have sex with them... (because they do not have problem finding unwilling women to rape or pay trafficked women for sex)...the problem is that these males think that having sex with a woman is something that they are entitled to .

Around the world, there are many male and female virgins who are productive members of the society, they are not isolated, they have a great family and social life etc - and they are not a problem. Only in America, the Failure To Launch White Deplorables call themselves InCels and blame others for it.

[Anonymous]

How many documented incel rapes and murders have happened in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

There is an incel in my family, he's 26. I 100% blame it on his parents' treating him like he was the most perfect kid and deserved everything in life. From a young age, he had social issues with school and in his activities. It was ALWAYS everyone else's fault. He would lie to his parents about what happened and when confronted about it, would claim that he would never lie to them. He pretty much became isolated by high school because no one wanted to be friends with him or around him, and instead of his parents finally addressing that he may be contributing to things, they talked badly about everyone else.

I'm a little more than 10 years older than him and finally had to separate myself from that part of the family when he was in college. The way his parents (ironically especially his mom) encouraged his anti social behavior and his negative thoughts towards women (she actually would agree with him that the girls he was interested in were nothing but trashy s*uts because they had no interest in him). It was like watching a slow motion train wreck as he morphed into this angry incel who felt things were owed to him. If I saw on the news that he had been violent towards a woman, I would not at all be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Why the focus of White parents is on making sure that the sexual needs of their White male offsprings are met?

Parents are worried that their boys will become InCels (which stands for involuntary Celibates - ie - women don't want to have sex with them), but in reality, men can always have sex with prostitutes or sex workers. They also rape women, children and animals to get their sexual pleasure or feel powerful.

The problem is not that the InCels cannot find women who will WILLINGLY have sex with them... (because they do not have problem finding unwilling women to rape or pay trafficked women for sex)...the problem is that these males think that having sex with a woman is something that they are entitled to .

Around the world, there are many male and female virgins who are productive members of the society, they are not isolated, they have a great family and social life etc - and they are not a problem. Only in America, the Failure To Launch White Deplorables call themselves InCels and blame others for it.

Black boys can become incels too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

You have to watch Netflix’s “Adolescence” series. It explains everything about how boys are turning into incels today.

No it doesn't. Your continued hysteria over this series shows you lack of critical thinking ability. The story the show is based on is not the norm and does not exemplify what is going on in boy's lives. You are hysterical and probably need therapy.

Yes, it does.

For your information, the Adolescence series is now a recommended part of the official schools curriculum in the U.K. You may google it.

And who are you, exactly? Who are you to say you know better than the British school authorities? You are just another internet rando, and your opinion ought to be treated as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think incels are like a Sasquatch. Some people think they exist but I’ve never seen one. Apparently this is the new boogie man for UMC White females.

The reason the incel-problem is reaching pandemic proportions is people like you,
PP, who insist on trying to minimize this growing threat to women in the U.S. and UK.

Why exactly are you doing that, PP ?