Parents of boys who became incels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

Honestly I can buy the “not in this economy” to an extent for moms who are *just* starting a family.
But for ones who have been moms for the last 10+ years…nope.
“The economy” isn’t the barrier to moms staying home.
It’s the societal myth that is perpetuating the idea that SAHMs will be bored or boring…and the expectation that a family of four needs a 4,500+ square foot home, needs to drive luxury vehicles that are kept for no more than 4 years, and needs to vacation overseas at least dr once every few years. People are living waaaaay above the standard of living that one income can afford. And they are choosing that over prioritizing the health and wellness of their kids.

Completely agree with this. I think social media feeds exceptionally high expectations for people that just aren’t realistic. My wife and I make nearly $300k and she frequently expresses concerns that we’re low-income and I need to double or triple my salary for us to be able to survive. And this is with us maxing out our 401ks and saving a substantial amount for college for the kids, and still having money leftover for savings and a couple vacations a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

Honestly I can buy the “not in this economy” to an extent for moms who are *just* starting a family.
But for ones who have been moms for the last 10+ years…nope.
“The economy” isn’t the barrier to moms staying home.
It’s the societal myth that is perpetuating the idea that SAHMs will be bored or boring…and the expectation that a family of four needs a 4,500+ square foot home, needs to drive luxury vehicles that are kept for no more than 4 years, and needs to vacation overseas at least dr once every few years. People are living waaaaay above the standard of living that one income can afford. And they are choosing that over prioritizing the health and wellness of their kids.

Completely agree with this. I think social media feeds exceptionally high expectations for people that just aren’t realistic. My wife and I make nearly $300k and she frequently expresses concerns that we’re low-income and I need to double or triple my salary for us to be able to survive. And this is with us maxing out our 401ks and saving a substantial amount for college for the kids, and still having money leftover for savings and a couple vacations a year.

Sounds like she is a gold digger.

[Anonymous]

I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

Honestly I can buy the “not in this economy” to an extent for moms who are *just* starting a family.
But for ones who have been moms for the last 10+ years…nope.
“The economy” isn’t the barrier to moms staying home.
It’s the societal myth that is perpetuating the idea that SAHMs will be bored or boring…and the expectation that a family of four needs a 4,500+ square foot home, needs to drive luxury vehicles that are kept for no more than 4 years, and needs to vacation overseas at least dr once every few years. People are living waaaaay above the standard of living that one income can afford. And they are choosing that over prioritizing the health and wellness of their kids.

Completely agree with this. I think social media feeds exceptionally high expectations for people that just aren’t realistic. My wife and I make nearly $300k and she frequently expresses concerns that we’re low-income and I need to double or triple my salary for us to be able to survive. And this is with us maxing out our 401ks and saving a substantial amount for college for the kids, and still having money leftover for savings and a couple vacations a year.

Sounds like she is a gold digger.

Not really—she doesn’t buy lots of expensive stuff or live beyond our means. But she doesn’t ask to spend a lot of time on social media which I think leads to this perception that the vast majority of people are wealthier than they actually are…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

Honestly I can buy the “not in this economy” to an extent for moms who are *just* starting a family.
But for ones who have been moms for the last 10+ years…nope.
“The economy” isn’t the barrier to moms staying home.
It’s the societal myth that is perpetuating the idea that SAHMs will be bored or boring…and the expectation that a family of four needs a 4,500+ square foot home, needs to drive luxury vehicles that are kept for no more than 4 years, and needs to vacation overseas at least dr once every few years. People are living waaaaay above the standard of living that one income can afford. And they are choosing that over prioritizing the health and wellness of their kids.

Completely agree with this. I think social media feeds exceptionally high expectations for people that just aren’t realistic. My wife and I make nearly $300k and she frequently expresses concerns that we’re low-income and I need to double or triple my salary for us to be able to survive. And this is with us maxing out our 401ks and saving a substantial amount for college for the kids, and still having money leftover for savings and a couple vacations a year.

Sounds like she is a gold digger.

Not really—she doesn’t buy lots of expensive stuff or live beyond our means. But she doesn’t ask to spend a lot of time on social media which I think leads to this perception that the vast majority of people are wealthier than they actually are…

Correction: “but she does spend a lot of time on social media”

[Anonymous]

I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of female incels. Why doesn’t anyone care about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

They’re adults. They are in college. You can’t just treat them like children without risking alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

You have to watch Netflix’s “Adolescence” series. It explains everything about how boys are turning into incels today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

This is terrible! Are you sure they are not violent? They could be, or possibly become violent

Are the video games used the ultra violent types? I bet at least some of them are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two stepsons in college who spend all day in their rooms on screens, have never had jobs, have had zero to one extra curric, no chores, have never dated, struggle to pass their classes despite being smart because they are playing video games rather than doing assignments, etc. I don't think they are right wing. But they are failure to launch (Are living at home in college because they like it better than the dorms).

Their mom is MIA. I've known them since junior high but their dad did not give me say in their upbringing. Their dad let them be on screens as much as they wanted. He did not make them get jobs, did not give them any chores, did not make sure they got outside for fresh air and exercise every day.

They literally spent all day, every day this summer in their rooms on screens. Letting dishes pile up in sink. No jobs. No chores. Did not see friends in person, only online.

If I were their parent, I would have changed the wifi password and taken away their devices until they got jobs.

So my advice is:
-Limit screen time
-Require at least one sport or activity per season
-Send them to summer camp that does not have screens
-Make them do their homework and turn assignments in on time. Have consewuences if they don't (ie dont allow video game playing six hours a day after school - well, dont allow that at all - but particularly not if they don't turn in their homework etc)
-Make them get summer jobs once they hit sixteen or seventeen.
-Give them chores from a young age.

My just out of college daughter says sadly that they are "losers" and that she would not recommend any girl date them. She had friends she saw in person, summer jobs, activities, turned in her homework etc. I didn't just let her sit around on screens all the time.

I think the "crisis" with boys is that many parents have very low expectations of tehir sons' contrubtiuons to their households and classrooms and society and enjoy using screens as babysitters.

This is terrible! Are you sure they are not violent? They could be, or possibly become violent

Are the video games used the ultra violent types? I bet at least some of them are

I bet they are also atheist. Video games and atheists are dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of female incels. Why doesn’t anyone care about them?

They don't become rapists and murderers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

What a load of horse shite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this talk about incels but we have boys and I’ve never seen or heard of anyone around us that would fit the incel description.

You have to watch Netflix’s “Adolescence” series. It explains everything about how boys are turning into incels today.

Is it a documentary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of female incels. Why doesn’t anyone care about them?

They don't become rapists and murderers.

How do you know? Is anyone tracking it?