Parents of boys who became incels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Exposure to diversity of people and open minded and not rigid or orthodox thinking helps reduce entitlement aspect.

Diversity of thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

I am not singling out women. It is the Dad's responsibility to earn enough and organize expenses such that Mom CAN be at home. It is ultimately his duty.

[Anonymous]

He's a bit young to be worrying about him not having a gf or sex life OP.

Give it a few more years, he will start dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

I am not singling out women. It is the Dad's responsibility to earn enough and organize expenses such that Mom CAN be at home. It is ultimately his duty.

Go back to Stormfront

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

I am not singling out women. It is the Dad's responsibility to earn enough and organize expenses such that Mom CAN be at home. It is ultimately his duty.

Yeah, no. It's the sexist thinking like yours that produces incels.

[Anonymous]

I have a high-functioning autistic young adult who does not socialize and rarely goes outside, except to go to class (he has environmental allergies 9 months of the year). I have finally persuaded him to go to his campus gym, which is an important step forward.

This is the type of profile that's most at risk, OP.
Someone with a brain but with an empathy disorder. That's short hand, of course - autistic people don't lack empathy, but often don't automatically understand how and where to apply it. They often over or under-react, which makes them liable to extreme decision-making. I spent his entire childhood being vigilant about his high-functioning autism, explaining people's motivations and non-verbal cues, building on his therapy sessions, hiring ostensibly academic tutors who also quickly saw his socio-emotional weaknesses and gravitated towards reading comprehension and explaining how life works.

So I keep tabs on him every day. We Facetime, I check he's doing well, talking to professors since he won't talk to other students, that he's eaten, gone to the gym, etc. He comes home regularly and we do stuff together, he get along well with us parents and his little sister. If he can get a stable job in his chosen profession, and be functional enough not to get bullied and ostracized, it will go a long way towards making him an entirely innocuous and productive member of society. So far he's shown to be someone who wouldn't hurt a fly, and I hope to keep it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

+1 and positive masculine role models generally. When DS was struggling with school in 8th-9th grade, a couple of tutors who were young men in their 20s really inspired him to try harder. He participated in a regular volunteer activity at church and his job mostly involved hanging out with two grandfathers at the church. He'd been taking guitar lessons so I asked a friend's husband to ask him to join him in playing guitar at church. He got to know lots of men making a positive contribution in the world.

DH was an involved dad too but often boys take some of these lessons better from someone else. DS also has ADHD and was at the peak of poorly managed impulsive behavior at that 8-9th grade stage and seemed to hit every one of DH's buttons.

I know we have to be very careful about the other adults in our kids' lives because of horrible abusive behavior that has and still does happen. But cutting out all opportunities for relationships with other adults hurts boys by limiting their role models to people they see in social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

My husband is a former incel. Growing up , he lacked all of the above and it made him angry and stuck in that failure to launch way. Pp 's list is really a good one. Dh is now 43 happily married because of handsome and smart and was able to grow out of the awful home life. But as a young man missing 100% of pp's list , he was an incel. The environmental part is clear as day for me.

NO!

[Anonymous]

^^^Also on the "parent at home" point. I was a SAHM when the kids were little, went back to work in early ES. When DS started middle school, DH adjusted his work so that he'd work at home most of the time (pre-covid). He'd been a kid who got in trouble so wanted to be sure we had someone at home and my work didn't allow for that. It definitely helps to have eyes around after school but it doesn't have to be mom.

[Anonymous]

18:17 again.

There's an article in the NYT today about the childhoods of two young adults who nearly participated in a synagogue mass shooting. It really resonated with me, because the article clearly lays out the multiple disorders that these kids showed as children. Anger management problems, impulsivity, lack of socio-emotional development. It's all ADHD/ASD profiles with explosive anger issues mixed in, or schizophrenia. I am persuaded that "incels" are boys whose psychological disorders were never treated, or who could not be successfully treated, despite all efforts.

My son has never had anger issues, which is atypical for his profile. So I'm not too concerned with him becoming a violent incel. But he has a higher risk than a neurotypical person of becoming a cloistered individual who never socializes and becomes bitter and jaded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

I am not singling out women. It is the Dad's responsibility to earn enough and organize expenses such that Mom CAN be at home. It is ultimately his duty.

So Dad has no responsibility to raise his kid? F that. That's exactly how boys turn into people who hate women. They need male role models to model behaviorally. It has nothing to do with "expenses."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^Also on the "parent at home" point. I was a SAHM when the kids were little, went back to work in early ES. When DS started middle school, DH adjusted his work so that he'd work at home most of the time (pre-covid). He'd been a kid who got in trouble so wanted to be sure we had someone at home and my work didn't allow for that. It definitely helps to have eyes around after school but it doesn't have to be mom.

Sounds awesome. (I am the "A mom at home" poster who is apparently evil and unrealistic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

Yeah no. I'm not putting this on women and moms. Dads need to step up. If you had said a parent at home, I might have
considered your point of view. But you i specifically singling out moms and by extension women, no I don't take you seriously. Why can't a father stay at him? What if the woman earns more and it's in the family's interest for her to keep her job.

YOU sound like the incel.

I am not singling out women. It is the Dad's responsibility to earn enough and organize expenses such that Mom CAN be at home. It is ultimately his duty.

So Dad has no responsibility to raise his kid? F that. That's exactly how boys turn into people who hate women. They need male role models to model behaviorally. It has nothing to do with "expenses."

Nobody said this. You are inventing disagreement where none exists.

[Anonymous]

Incels are men who drive women away. My sons are thoughtful and communicative and kind, and have both had plenty of interested girls. And they also love screen time as much as the next guy. Just raise quality humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:17 again.

There's an article in the NYT today about the childhoods of two young adults who nearly participated in a synagogue mass shooting. It really resonated with me, because the article clearly lays out the multiple disorders that these kids showed as children. Anger management problems, impulsivity, lack of socio-emotional development. It's all ADHD/ASD profiles with explosive anger issues mixed in, or schizophrenia. I am persuaded that "incels" are boys whose psychological disorders were never treated, or who could not be successfully treated, despite all efforts.

My son has never had anger issues, which is atypical for his profile. So I'm not too concerned with him becoming a violent incel. But he has a higher risk than a neurotypical person of becoming a cloistered individual who never socializes and becomes bitter and jaded.

Link?