This is tough....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question. Is it fair to say that older women in particular have issues with men who choose to remarry with a younger woman?I don't think OP because marriage sucks anyways. But I went through all the responses and there is clearly an undertone that somehow older men such as OP should not be going younger. I get in that women past a certain age are not as desirable as they once were. Men no longer turn their heads when they pass guy. Sometimes they are invisible in public spaces where they once you used to grab so much wanted and unwanted attention.

I’m sure at some level that plays into it. But you’re completely disregarding the guys who come on here not having thought anything through. Everything is going to be different (or I guess OP says nothing will be different) because this woman who is unmarried and has no children and he's known for a “few months” is totally different from the woman with whom he had multiple children and multiple decades relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question. Is it fair to say that older women in particular have issues with men who choose to remarry with a younger woman?I don't think OP because marriage sucks anyways. But I went through all the responses and there is clearly an undertone that somehow older men such as OP should not be going younger. I get in that women past a certain age are not as desirable as they once were. Men no longer turn their heads when they pass guy. Sometimes they are invisible in public spaces where they once you used to grab so much wanted and unwanted attention.

My dad divorced my mom after 30 years and married a much younger woman. Of course she is attractive but that's just youth. To this date my mom is hurt about it. She is not bitter she is hurt..Sometimes she makes comments that clearly show her insecurity about being "dumped" as she described it for a younger woman. I love my mother and I understand. I love my dad as well despite the fact that he is a narcissist and a cheater. As a man I wonder if we sometimes realize how much our attraction to younger women can be destructive. I have been married for 10 years and I hope not to leave my wife for a younger woman. I don't think I will, but I wonder about stupid impulses that we men have sometimes. But being aware and hurt by what my dad did to my mom, I don't think I will do what he did.

So OP don't do it. If you ask my opinion I'll strongly recommend you date a woman in her 40s. My wife is 43 and she into fitness. She is very very very very hot. So resist your impulse to go younger because that's how trouble starts. Men are attracted to fertility that's just human nature..and the younger the woman is the more our eyes are glazed toward her hips. You need to fight this natural impulse and think with your brain instead.

Women your age go do not make this mistake. I think some people confuse the fact that older women go younger to draw conclusions. But that's purely for sex. Men peak very early sexually. If single women in their 40s have to rely on men in their age group to satisfy them sexually they will have to wait a long time. I am in my 40s while I still think I am a stallion lol I am.well.aware of my limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I have the same age difference in my marriage. Our second kid was born when DH was your age, If you’re going to do this, hurry up. You’ll be fine.

OP here thank you for sharing your experience. I'm 46 now and I won't make her wait. If our relationship continues the way it's been in the next 6 months I'll def propose to her. She is everything my ex wife wasn't.

You just posted that you gave “no intention to remarry” but if she wants to get married and have a kid you would.

Say what now? That’s not having no intention to marry dude.

And now you’re saying you’ll propose in 6 months!!

lol. Men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.

This is magical thinking. It is normal early in a relationship, but it's not sustainable and it's not helping you make good choices.

Think about your day-to-day life when your kids are with you. When do you wake up? What do they do? What activities do they have? How does dinner go? How does bedtime go? What do the weekends look like? Do they invite friends over? Do you take them to soccer practice? Swim team? Do you go downtown and hit a museum?

Now add an infant/toddler/preschooler to that routine. What does it look like now? What do meals look like? Can you still coach their soccer team with a toddler on the sidelines? Can you take that trip to Calgary to see the rodeo that you always promised them you would all do when they were bigger? Can they still have friends over, or are you worried they will wake up the baby?

I believe you are smart enough to do the math here, but the idea that nothing would change is just silly.

I am not OP. But there are women in the same exact scenario as OP. Can those women do everything you have asked?

Very few women are looking to start a new family in their 50s. I've never seen that in all of my time on this site, or in my actual life. Nor would a woman ever say that "nothing would change" if they had a baby when their other kids were already teens. I literally cannot imagine a woman being that clueless.

It’s not because they don’t want to. It’s because the biological door has closed. I know plenty of women in their 50s who would do it if they were still fertile. plenty. Including myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I have the same age difference in my marriage. Our second kid was born when DH was your age, If you’re going to do this, hurry up. You’ll be fine.

OP here thank you for sharing your experience. I'm 46 now and I won't make her wait. If our relationship continues the way it's been in the next 6 months I'll def propose to her. She is everything my ex wife wasn't.

You just posted that you gave “no intention to remarry” but if she wants to get married and have a kid you would.

Say what now? That’s not having no intention to marry dude.

And now you’re saying you’ll propose in 6 months!!

lol. Men.

Lol I am a man and I can kind of relate. When I met my now wife I proposed to her 6 months after we met. I was only 26 and I def didn't want to get married before I met her. We had things in common and a shared vision etc but I was really more about me morphing into what she liked and what she envisioned our future together to be like. I think women do more in depth thinking and don't rush to make big life decisions like marriage. I don't necessarily think men are stupid I see it more like men being impulsive and accepting whatever fallout that come out bad decisions they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re crazy to consider this because there are numerous problems with men being over 40 let alone your age. It drastically increases the risk of autism and schizophrenia.

I’m a 46-year-old woman and would never consider having another kid. Think about how that would impact the children you already have as well. Just no.

She’s only 34; she can find a man for under 40.

What do you have against over 40 🙁 men like me?

I have nothing against you except I don’t think it’s fair to your kids to have another kid and I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a baby at your age. Your relationship with your girlfriend will change and it will be disaster. It’s not too late to find a guy closer to her own age to have kids with. I think you’d both be settling and then in 10 years you’re gonna end up divorced again.

Sadly, this is probably the most accurate and truthful advice. You and GF are in very different places in your lives.
Yes, it is *possible* for your relationship to endure, for your older kids to thrive, etc etc etc. BUT highly unlikely. Too many challenges. And what if the baby has special needs which is highly likely to happen because of you being older? You ready for that?

This is the most ridiculous post on this thread. It’s actually more likely that this relationship succeeds compared to the previous failed marriage. The older kids will thrive because their Dad love them and the new GF is a great step mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.

This is magical thinking. It is normal early in a relationship, but it's not sustainable and it's not helping you make good choices.

Think about your day-to-day life when your kids are with you. When do you wake up? What do they do? What activities do they have? How does dinner go? How does bedtime go? What do the weekends look like? Do they invite friends over? Do you take them to soccer practice? Swim team? Do you go downtown and hit a museum?

Now add an infant/toddler/preschooler to that routine. What does it look like now? What do meals look like? Can you still coach their soccer team with a toddler on the sidelines? Can you take that trip to Calgary to see the rodeo that you always promised them you would all do when they were bigger? Can they still have friends over, or are you worried they will wake up the baby?

I believe you are smart enough to do the math here, but the idea that nothing would change is just silly.

I am not OP. But there are women in the same exact scenario as OP. Can those women do everything you have asked?

Very few women are looking to start a new family in their 50s. I've never seen that in all of my time on this site, or in my actual life. Nor would a woman ever say that "nothing would change" if they had a baby when their other kids were already teens. I literally cannot imagine a woman being that clueless.

It’s not because they don’t want to. It’s because the biological door has closed. I know plenty of women in their 50s who would do it if they were still fertile. plenty. Including myself.

So a woman OP's age would be willing to have more kids if she could.

[Anonymous]

Women on this thread have been so mentally damaged that they hate the idea of a man marrying a younger woman and starting a new family.
It’s sad. I feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

Why is a man asking a largely female message board for advice? He should talk to older men with second families with younger wives. Surely there’s a Reddit or other message board for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a man asking a largely female message board for advice? He should talk to older men with second families with younger wives. Surely there’s a Reddit or other message board for that?

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

OP is falling into the fertility trap. I don't know at what age men stop looking at a fertile woman, but its really a fascinating biological phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

It's funny watching (presumably) men attack women on here and calling them "bitter," meanwhile, you're the ones more likely to actually murder a spouse over divorce or an affair (be it your own or hers), so how about you stop attacking like you're such rational creatures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is falling into the fertility trap. I don't know at what age men stop looking at a fertile woman, but its really a fascinating biological phenomenon.

There is no age limit. 99 years old men will fall in the same trap if they could. You see that rarely with women. You don't see the man"s version of Ana Nicole Smith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny watching (presumably) men attack women on here and calling them "bitter," meanwhile, you're the ones more likely to actually murder a spouse over divorce or an affair (be it your own or hers), so how about you stop attacking like you're such rational creatures.

Give the gender breakdown data. I'm curious about it.

[Anonymous]

14:51 - 100%

OP needs to “man up” and make a decision. If he’s so in love, bite the bullet and accept the consequences, good or bad or both. He sounds exhausting. Good luck to her.