To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

I am 37 and have three kids and am very financially well off and very happily married. I can assure you I judge no one. I spent most of my 20s enduring a series of unforeseeable tragedies. I spend my time grateful for what I have not judging anyone for being on a different road.

Generally IMO 'judgers' fall into two main categories:

1) People deeply unhappy with themselves or their own life in some way who judge so they don't have to examine their own choices

2) People who have never encountered real hardship and believe that it isn't luck that got them there but their own personal choices.

Frankly you sound like a #1. You're judging them/me, we're not judging you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women who are pretty, smart and nice can land themselves a husband and have a few kids by age 35.

There are a lot of jealous women out there. Be confident in your choices.

So if you don’t have a husband and 3 babies and a house by 35 you’re ugly and a failure?

I didn’t mention house or number of kids. If you don’t want to have kids, that is fine too. I’m just saying if you wanted to get married and have kids, you could have if you are half decent.

I remember a good guy friend of mine said that all the good girls were taken. The ones that are left are the ones you don’t want. He said the pretty nice ones are all taken and crazy or dumb ones are left. Or maybe bitter ones who aren’t taken by 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 37 and have three kids and am very financially well off and very happily married. I can assure you I judge no one. I spent most of my 20s enduring a series of unforeseeable tragedies. I spend my time grateful for what I have not judging anyone for being on a different road.

Generally IMO 'judgers' fall into two main categories:

1) People deeply unhappy with themselves or their own life in some way who judge so they don't have to examine their own choices

2) People who have never encountered real hardship and believe that it isn't luck that got them there but their own personal choices.

Frankly you sound like a #1. You're judging them/me, we're not judging you.

I'm 43 with two but this is me. You might look at me and think I have it all but you have no idea what I've been through. Smug is the last thing I am. But for the grace of God go I is more like it.

I'm secure in my choices (working versus staying at home, public versus private school, time spent with or away from children, etc.) but that doesn't make me smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 37 and have three kids and am very financially well off and very happily married. I can assure you I judge no one. I spent most of my 20s enduring a series of unforeseeable tragedies. I spend my time grateful for what I have not judging anyone for being on a different road.

Generally IMO 'judgers' fall into two main categories:

1) People deeply unhappy with themselves or their own life in some way who judge so they don't have to examine their own choices

2) People who have never encountered real hardship and believe that it isn't luck that got them there but their own personal choices.

Frankly you sound like a #1. You're judging them/me, we're not judging you.

Best post on the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

I had 3 by 35 but I am obese and a poc so unless you’re taking me to eat, I could care less what you do with your life.

[Anonymous]

45 year old chiming in. Just wait. The divorces start happening in their mid 40s. It all comes out in the wash for about 50% of the smuggies.

[Anonymous]

Lots of moms are smug. I don't mind the young ones, but it's the ones with the amazing, talented kids that think it's because they are such great parents. They have no idea how little control we actually have over our childrens' disabilities, and that no amount of reading to them or playing baby Einstein videos or doing timeout (or not doing timeout) would have helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of moms are smug. I don't mind the young ones, but it's the ones with the amazing, talented kids that think it's because they are such great parents. They have no idea how little control we actually have over our childrens' disabilities, and that no amount of reading to them or playing baby Einstein videos or doing timeout (or not doing timeout) would have helped.

Being smug is not unique to moms.

I probably come off smug. When I was young, I was shy. I always did what I was supposed to. I got good grades, went to a good college, etc. I went to a top grad school and met a lot of decent men. I married DH who is pretty amazing at everything he does including housework.

Another mom recently told me that I’m the luckiest person. Everything comes so easily to me. I was really surprised that she said this to me and it was not a compliment. Her tone was rude.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I think she was actually insulting that I like to eat and don’t gain weight. Over the years, she has commented how lucky I am to have my husband and comments my kids are so perfect. Not that I think about it, lots of people comment about our perfect family in a not good way.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what you are talking about. I had three kids by 35 but my life has not gone perfectly. I also had a late term loss and a very early preemie.

[Anonymous]

I was shocked at the number of divorces once the youngest child got to late elementary. I had heard it would start happening but it was more than I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

In my experience they started with money. Ie were UMC in the beginning so nothing amazing there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

In my experience they started with money. Ie were UMC in the beginning so nothing amazing there.

OP posted this almost a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

Your real problem is jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Met my husband at 42, got married at 43, had child at 44. Before then, I had zero interest in marriage or children.

No smugness or resentment here. I am happy it did not happen before then. Since we were "older" we already owned our individual homes, had plenty in the bank, and having an only child gave us sheer joy, never a burden.

I advocate being an "older" wife and "older" mom.