To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

This is an old post and I’m not sure why it’s being revisited now. But as someone who was under 35 and a mom of 3…has it ever occurred to you that I was just living my own life? Nothing smug about it, aside from the normal self-pride that we all - I hope - have…

[Anonymous]

I'm never envious of parents of 3+, no matter how smug they come across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never, ever be jealous of people with 3+ kids. Can’t imagine feeling jealous of overbreeders.

Since you feel so strongly, I’m assuming you won’t take any social security benefits…it’s those overbred little monsters who will be keeping that system afloat.

[Anonymous]

This describes me. Married at 28, first kid at 29 and third at 34. We are well off, but not wealthy by DCUM standards. Kids are in private school, nice house, nice vacations, etc.

However, my career never took off unfortunately and in my opinion it has a lot to do with having kids when maybe I should have been taking a job and moving to a different country. This is what some of my friends in the same business did and now (10 years later) have stable high paying jobs. Me on the other hand, have a job that I mostly like, but that it’s not super stable and not a high salary.

My husband makes enough, but I feel I should have been able to accomplish more given my PhD…

My friends who have a better career because waited to have kids are not dealing with IVF… so I guess neither of us had it all and neither are a smug about our choices either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never, ever be jealous of people with 3+ kids. Can’t imagine feeling jealous of overbreeders.

It’s funny how parents of 1-2 kids trash 3+ers on here all the time but never the other way around. I have to assume you think it’s okay because you’re punching up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - Hi op! I understand what you are saying because I see this everyday, however you must know these women aren’t actually doing the work. They show up for pick up and drop off, make an appearance, and then do nothing the rest of the day. I’m the one raising the 3 kids for 60-70 hours a week. Please don’t feel bad, because most of these women don’t actually do the work and are missing out on relationships with their kids.

Wait, if the kids are in school (since mom does drop off and pick up) how can you possibly spend 60-70 hours a week with them?

Our wonderful nanny spends at most 3 hours a day with my kids (M-F), often does pick up and takes kids off to activities. She is hardly raising my kids.

But ok… if it makes you feel important, keep believing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never, ever be jealous of people with 3+ kids. Can’t imagine feeling jealous of overbreeders.

You don’t sound like the kind of person who should be carrying genes on, so good call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a rich guy at 29 and had three kids by 35. My life is kind of a nightmare. Believe me I'm not looking down on ANYONE.

This is my friend as well. She is lovely and stuck dealing with the majority of parenting solo and dealing with her toxic ex. She definitely did not plan on her current pathway.

She is a fantastic person and I'm rooting for her. Same to you PP.

OP smug people abound. I am a SMBC and I had to learn to tune this stuff out early. It's cliche but you have to find your own joy. Wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never, ever be jealous of people with 3+ kids. Can’t imagine feeling jealous of overbreeders.

It’s funny how parents of 1-2 kids trash 3+ers on here all the time but never the other way around. I have to assume you think it’s okay because you’re punching up.

LOL no. We have your number and no longer deal with you because you’re always trying to foist kids off on others. You always claim “The Village” but you contribute nothing. You’re takers and no one wants to be around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - Hi op! I understand what you are saying because I see this everyday, however you must know these women aren’t actually doing the work. They show up for pick up and drop off, make an appearance, and then do nothing the rest of the day. I’m the one raising the 3 kids for 60-70 hours a week. Please don’t feel bad, because most of these women don’t actually do the work and are missing out on relationships with their kids.

If there’s 3 kids, it makes sense that they’re not all in school full days? No?


Wait, if the kids are in school (since mom does drop off and pick up) how can you possibly spend 60-70 hours a week with them?

Our wonderful nanny spends at most 3 hours a day with my kids (M-F), often does pick up and takes kids off to activities. She is hardly raising my kids.

But ok… if it makes you feel important, keep believing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - Hi op! I understand what you are saying because I see this everyday, however you must know these women aren’t actually doing the work. They show up for pick up and drop off, make an appearance, and then do nothing the rest of the day. I’m the one raising the 3 kids for 60-70 hours a week. Please don’t feel bad, because most of these women don’t actually do the work and are missing out on relationships with their kids.

Wait, if the kids are in school (since mom does drop off and pick up) how can you possibly spend 60-70 hours a week with them?

Our wonderful nanny spends at most 3 hours a day with my kids (M-F), often does pick up and takes kids off to activities. She is hardly raising my kids.

But ok… if it makes you feel important, keep believing that.

If there’s 3 kids, it makes sense that they’re not all in school full days? No? I’ve also been with multiple families for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an old post and I’m not sure why it’s being revisited now. But as someone who was under 35 and a mom of 3…has it ever occurred to you that I was just living my own life? Nothing smug about it, aside from the normal self-pride that we all - I hope - have…

Sure - you’re fine.

So long as you are not all over social media, rubbing it in everyone’s faces and making a spectacle of your kids.

Social media is toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an old post and I’m not sure why it’s being revisited now. But as someone who was under 35 and a mom of 3…has it ever occurred to you that I was just living my own life? Nothing smug about it, aside from the normal self-pride that we all - I hope - have…

Sure - you’re fine.

So long as you are not all over social media, rubbing it in everyone’s faces and making a spectacle of your kids.

Social media is toxic.

What does this have to do with having 3 kids? Is it somehow more acceptable to make a spectacle of your only child or your 2 kids? And what is the threshold at which you consider it “rubbing it in everyone’s faces?” It seems like this would be more dependent on mom bragging than # of kids. I have quite a few friends who have quit SM altogether and they range from moms of onlies to having 3 or 4.

I guess this whole thread to me is fascinating because I had 3 kids by my mid-30s and it never dawned on me that this would lead to increased smugness over say a mom of 2 who had her first kid at 40. Like aren’t smug people just smug in general? I even know a very smug child free couple who hate kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - Hi op! I understand what you are saying because I see this everyday, however you must know these women aren’t actually doing the work. They show up for pick up and drop off, make an appearance, and then do nothing the rest of the day. I’m the one raising the 3 kids for 60-70 hours a week. Please don’t feel bad, because most of these women don’t actually do the work and are missing out on relationships with their kids.

Wait, if the kids are in school (since mom does drop off and pick up) how can you possibly spend 60-70 hours a week with them?

Our wonderful nanny spends at most 3 hours a day with my kids (M-F), often does pick up and takes kids off to activities. She is hardly raising my kids.

But ok… if it makes you feel important, keep believing that.

Most preschools are only last half day. Besides that, is the nanny doing the morning routine and then the entire evening routine? Does Nanny also provide services on the weekends, school holidays, regular holidays, field trips? Very easy to get to that number. Stop being defensive.

[Anonymous]

Man I know a lot of moms of all different ages and life circumstances and not once have I sensed that somebody feels smug or judgmental one way or another.

I had my kids young and my husband makes a lot of money, but sometimes I wish I had them when I was older and I wish my husband had a job that paid less but that allowed me more flexibility in my career. It’s rare that somebody’s situation is 100% perfect. I bet that the people you think are smug could write a long essay about ways they wish their lives were different. Just be happy with what you have.