To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a rich guy at 29 and had three kids by 35. My life is kind of a nightmare. Believe me I'm not looking down on ANYONE.

I’m a rich girl who married a wanna be rich guy and had three kids by 35- when he ran off with enough of my money to make it sting- happier to be raising my kids solo, but not smug either.

[Anonymous]

I had my son when I was 30. He was a very high needs baby/toddler and I learned quickly not to disclose this to many because there was so much condescending advice from parents with easy babies. It really, really bothered me when I was struggling.
So far though I have found more often it's moms of 3+ in general (young or not) who are smug when their kids are in the under ~12 ages. Not sure why. I'm one of 4 and my mom did it largely on her own while my father worked long hours. It wasn't a cake walk. Most moms of 3+ I know have A LOT of help but act like they know/do so much more. I know it's not the case though so I ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a rich guy at 29 and had three kids by 35. My life is kind of a nightmare. Believe me I'm not looking down on ANYONE.

I’m a rich girl who married a wanna be rich guy and had three kids by 35- when he ran off with enough of my money to make it sting- happier to be raising my kids solo, but not smug either.

Dayum that bad habit stuck to you

[Anonymous]

OP this is a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my son when I was 30. He was a very high needs baby/toddler and I learned quickly not to disclose this to many because there was so much condescending advice from parents with easy babies. It really, really bothered me when I was struggling.
So far though I have found more often it's moms of 3+ in general (young or not) who are smug when their kids are in the under ~12 ages. Not sure why. I'm one of 4 and my mom did it largely on her own while my father worked long hours. It wasn't a cake walk. Most moms of 3+ I know have A LOT of help but act like they know/do so much more. I know it's not the case though so I ignore it.

I absolutely have not experienced this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my son when I was 30. He was a very high needs baby/toddler and I learned quickly not to disclose this to many because there was so much condescending advice from parents with easy babies. It really, really bothered me when I was struggling.
So far though I have found more often it's moms of 3+ in general (young or not) who are smug when their kids are in the under ~12 ages. Not sure why. I'm one of 4 and my mom did it largely on her own while my father worked long hours. It wasn't a cake walk. Most moms of 3+ I know have A LOT of help but act like they know/do so much more. I know it's not the case though so I ignore it.

I absolutely have not experienced this.

One thing I will say is that I think parents with three are tired of talking about all the baby stuff. Other first time moms will often get into a deep convo about when to go to two naps, but I think when there are three they’re less likely to want to talk about that in depth.

[Anonymous]

I had 4 children by 35. Solidly middle class.

Trust that I am so busy with my kids that I don't have the time or bandwith to judge you in any form.

I suggest that you look internally OP on why you are reacting the way you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 4 children by 35. Solidly middle class.

Trust that I am so busy with my kids that I don't have the time or bandwith to judge you in any form.

I suggest that you look internally OP on why you are reacting the way you are.

This. I have a hard time imagine mothers of three have much mental bandwidth to do anything but get through the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 4 children by 35. Solidly middle class.

Trust that I am so busy with my kids that I don't have the time or bandwith to judge you in any form.

I suggest that you look internally OP on why you are reacting the way you are.

This. I have a hard time imagine mothers of three have much mental bandwidth to do anything but get through the day.

I think this depends largely on how much help they have. Like OP and PP, I have experienced smugness from these parents but most I know also have so much family help and childcare. They aren't any more busy than a SAHM of 1 who actually takes care of her child all day by herself or a middle class working mom of 2. I can definitely see how a lower/middle class SAHM of 3+ young children with no childcare help would be extremely busy and not sitting around judging.

[Anonymous]

We are wealthy, I’ve been a SAHM over a decade and counting, and had my third at 35. I have never remotely thought about anyone else’s fertility, martial status, or their family planning choices. One of my closest friends is in her 50s and has one child she adopted in her 40s. Why do you feel judged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

Why do you care? There is something inside of you that is broken and you need it fixed. You run your race. Who cares what others run? Someone will always be better or have things you don't so what?

[Anonymous]

I agree that when people are smug about finding a partner early in life, or having kids young without trouble (either struggling to find a partner or with infertility or both), it's really annoying.

But then I think smugness is pretty much always obnoxious. These things likely sting more if it's something you wanted and didn't get. I am less upset about this particular smugness because even though I married later and had only one kid in my late 30s, I'm totally happy with that and never wanted different.

However I do get annoyed by women who are smug about marrying rich husbands. My DH is wonderful but we are far from wealthy, and I find smug rich people annoying in general, but a woman who simply married into wealth and thus solved all her financial issues is probably peak "annoying smug rich person."

[Anonymous]

3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

[Anonymous]

This is a you problem. Why would they judge you? Why would they think they are better than you because they reproduced 3x?

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a YOU problem.