To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

In my experience they started with money. Ie were UMC in the beginning so nothing amazing there.

OP posted this almost a year ago.

So the post is completely irrelevant now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met my husband at 42, got married at 43, had child at 44. Before then, I had zero interest in marriage or children.

No smugness or resentment here. I am happy it did not happen before then. Since we were "older" we already owned our individual homes, had plenty in the bank, and having an only child gave us sheer joy, never a burden.

I advocate being an "older" wife and "older" mom.

Dude... why? Why do your life choices require advocacy?

I got married at 27, had 3 kids by 36, now own two homes, have plenty of money in the bank, and my children are sheer joy too. There is no reason for either of us to play advocate.

[Anonymous]

My second pregnancy was twins, so I had 3 kids at 32. We are suffering financially though, so nothing to be smug about here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep and middle aged, divorced and broke (or constantly suing ex spouse for more $$$). Life is long and will take unexpected turns. Add in possible health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep and middle aged, divorced and broke (or constantly suing ex spouse for more $$$). Life is long and will take unexpected turns. Add in possible health problems.

Why does this feel like your hope rather than your prediction? I *am* middle aged now, both still very healthy, very happy marriage, lots of wealth we built together. I don't know why so many on DCUM need to believe things are about to fall apart for everyone doing better than them.

[Anonymous]

I know I got lucky meeting my husband at 22 and having 3 kids by 31 - but when that was all happening (my youngest is 9) I was disdained as a “young mom” by many moms in their late 30s/40s so I think it’s just an other people issue. I’m not smug nor do I care at all when others make their life choices. I did what worked for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Just because you have kids does not mean they will become responsible taxpayers. You won’t know that until they become adults. They might otherwise end up becoming tax takers rather than tax makers 😀. In that case you are further burdening society. Only time will tell. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

I can assure you they DON’T want your life. Dream on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Or perhaps they sensed your tone-deafness or negative judgmental attitude towards those who don't have children. "Childless" is a condescending term you should not use to describe those who do not have children just as I'm sure you would not want to be referred to as a breeder. You just met these people and yet you describe them as boring?

Perhaps they didn't tell you what they "liked to do" because they just had to spend 20 minutes listening to YOU about your pack of kids and your local park outings, date nights and hikes along a path. At that point, they probably figured a discussion about their interest in ideas, the verities of life and their diverse group of global friends would have been wasted on you.

Yes. They were probably just bored to tears listening to her 😂. Looking for any opportunity to escape!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

I’m the PP. I have two children whom I love dearly, but I don’t consider having them as an accomplishment on my part. Getting my PhD was an accomplishment for me not bearing children. Even though I love them more than anything else in my life.

This is odd to me. I don't think people really mean that getting pregnant and birthing a child is a major accomplishment. But creating a loving, stable, and enriching home for your children and taking steps so they flourish at different stages of life of course is. Not just anyone -- and most don't -- accomplish that.

I personally only have two kids, and I had the second at 37. I work full time and have a flourishing career that I'm proud of; I'm also proud of the home life I've created and the way in which I'm raising my children. They are absolutely both accomplishments.

Anyways, 10 pages later, I really think the PP who said that OP is confusing happiness for smugness nailed it.

I agree with this but I also think a lot of women view just having kids as a personal accomplishment on their life bucket list. Along with getting married, going to a top university, getting a big career, owing a nice home, etc.

This is not some life bucket list. This is life. You grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a condo/townhouse, have a few kids, send kids to college, retire…

How rigid with no imagination. Follow the sheep throughout life. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45 year old chiming in. Just wait. The divorces start happening in their mid 40s. It all comes out in the wash for about 50% of the smuggies.

Yep. This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are still pretty young OP, they will be much less smug at 45.

Yep and middle aged, divorced and broke (or constantly suing ex spouse for more $$$). Life is long and will take unexpected turns. Add in possible health problems.

Why does this feel like your hope rather than your prediction? I *am* middle aged now, both still very healthy, very happy marriage, lots of wealth we built together. I don't know why so many on DCUM need to believe things are about to fall apart for everyone doing better than them.

Pp did not say everyone. Just mentioning very common unfortunate things that can happen in life which is true. You are projecting and sound a little insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of the privileged women who married their rich husband at 29 or 30 and were able to have the good marriage, financial standing and the good luck of fertility to be able to have like 3 children by the time they’re 35. They’re so smug and look down on the rest of us who did not find a partner by 30 or did but had to divorce OR did marry by 30 but has infertility so hasn’t had children yet.

Yes, you got lucky enough to have everything align perfectly for you, don’t judge those who weren’t that lucky!!

In my experience they started with money. Ie were UMC in the beginning so nothing amazing there.

OP posted this almost a year ago.

So the post is completely irrelevant now?

Of course it’s relevant. Just to be aware one could be quoting a post another wrote a year ago. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from generation X where we were told that we could have it all. Just having kids is half of the equation and therefore nothing to be smug about. Anyone can reproduce and it’s nothing to be proud of. Juggling 3 kids and an amazing career is another story.

Having children is a major lifetime goal for most people. I'm not saying all -- but most. So having them is an achievement. it's something you've thought about your entire life -- since you were a kid yourself. Of course it's something to feel good about having accomplished. If you don't feel that way, why did you even have children? This is the part I don't understand. Women don't have to have kids now -- why do it if you don't want them that badly?

I’m the PP. I have two children whom I love dearly, but I don’t consider having them as an accomplishment on my part. Getting my PhD was an accomplishment for me not bearing children. Even though I love them more than anything else in my life.

This is odd to me. I don't think people really mean that getting pregnant and birthing a child is a major accomplishment. But creating a loving, stable, and enriching home for your children and taking steps so they flourish at different stages of life of course is. Not just anyone -- and most don't -- accomplish that.

I personally only have two kids, and I had the second at 37. I work full time and have a flourishing career that I'm proud of; I'm also proud of the home life I've created and the way in which I'm raising my children. They are absolutely both accomplishments.

Anyways, 10 pages later, I really think the PP who said that OP is confusing happiness for smugness nailed it.

But did you get a phd?? Thought not. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45 year old chiming in. Just wait. The divorces start happening in their mid 40s. It all comes out in the wash for about 50% of the smuggies.

I’m 45 too, mom of 3 before 34, and this…just hasn’t been the experience in my circle. Very few in our network of friends is divorced including those in their 50s and the few that did are all over the place - one didn’t have kids at all, one set did, one had only one kid a little later in life etc.