6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are not going to force their middle school girls to be friends with your daughter, and even people who seem like saints can become vipers when you suggest their children might not be as pleasant and inclusive as they imagine them to be.

I don't know that it is true that they will "become vipers," but I agree that you cannot force middle school kids to be friends. When another mom confronted me about my son no longer wanting to be friends with hers, all I could say was "you're right, they drifted apart, and I am sad about that because I really like Billy. I hope maybe they'll be friends again in the future." I can't control who my kid wants to hang out with, and as long as he isn't bullying anyone or being cruel, at this age, he does have the right to choose who he spends his spare time with. He has to be civil, but he doesn't have to be friends with the people I pick.

You sound like a good mom and a good person, PP. Your response to the other mom was spot on.

We’re in this same sucky situation. DD is being excluded by a mean girl, and the other girls are afraid to speak up. I’ve talked to a few of the moms who see it, and are trying to get their girls to not be bystanders (you know, all the anti-bullying stuff kids were taught for the past few years), but it’s hard. And I keep telling DD, you don’t have to be friends, but you have to be civil. I wish some of the other parents were teaching this to their kids instead of ignoring it because their kid is in the “in” group.

Yep, we had this issue on our street, unfortunately. The parents see how the mean girl behaves, but their DD's don't want to be excluded, so they (the kids and the parents) put up with the mean girl and her family. It is really gross, but nothing that I can do about it at this point, so we just don't associate with these people anymore.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

+1 🤮

[Anonymous]

In 6th grade, the real difference, this year, lies in maturation. Do the other girls seem a little more "boy crazy"?. They are likely beginning to discuss sex. They have a long, long way to go understanding it, but my guess is they sense that your DD is not ready to be included in these discussions. They recognize a gulf.

Op, mentions playdates several time in her post. A good number of 6th grade girls would be horrified at this word. It sounds so babyish. "Hang-out" is what we would said back in my day. Not sure what tweens say now. They are viewing themselves closer to teenagers than young girls.

Btw, when they get their periods they look for more mature peers to discuss things with. And guess what, it usually isn't with Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It’s funny to see these comments and know the exact type of mom who types this crap. My perfect child and all of these terrible other kids. Meanwhile said “perfect child” is manipulating and sneaking around different clothes and relationships - while terrible kids have an open relationship with their mom.

But sure, slut shame 11yr old girls who crush on boys. ALWAYS a positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to diversify friends. Never a good idea to have all eggs in one basket for this very reason. When this was happening with my DD it was b/c she wasn't mature enough at the time: still enjoyed kid things, wasn't interested in boys, etc. And that's fine. But . . .

It's still a jerk move for the kids.
It's a jerk move for the parents, who ABSOLUTELY know.
As long as their jerk kids are included, the jerk moms don't care that yours is not. Fact. And any attempts to call them on it will backfire on you and your kid. I've seen it happen a million times with other kids (not my own as I know better).

If you're recoiling at the word jerk, it's b/c you are one. Do better. Teach your kids better. You don't have to include everyone all the time. But these kids are openly excluding. Either speak up about why or quit being jerks.

Respectfully and politely I disagree that parents know what's going on at this age. I really don't know my child's friends these days because they are organizing themselves and I'm just driving my child and dropping her off at events. I recently found out, a year later, that one child I thought DD was hanging out with is not being included. There is nothing wrong with the friend. She has a great outgoing personality and is still adored by others but this child's interests and DD's diverged so they were no longer seeing each other in some of the informal get togethers when the girls would get together and shoot basketballs as one example or hang out and make Tiktok videos. At those informal get togethers the kids would then make more formal plans and whoever wasn't there was often not included. As soon as I noticed, I mentioned it to DD who was invited her to their next gathering and DD seemed really happy to see her old friend. I think this is different from what OP is going through but really at this age many parents just don't know the details.

If DD hadn't wanted to hang out with the old friend I'm not sure what I would have done. Probably I would have brought it up again and urged but not forced.

Perfect example of a checked out parent.

Sounds like a perfect example of a normal, healthy parent-child relationship in middle school to me.

Maybe in 1980. Not now. Too many pitfalls and we know better than to hold up our parents' style of hands off parenting as some sort of aspirational goal.

I wouldn’t say given the state of things in our society that parenting is better these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

+1 🤮

That “social precociousness” is a totally normal stage of puberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Umm good luck "making" a pubescent and mature 11/12 year old play make believe or play with dolls. How would you do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Umm good luck "making" a pubescent and mature 11/12 year old play make believe or play with dolls. How would you do that?

So you just throw your hands up and allow them to act much older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

+1 🤮

That “social precociousness” is a totally normal stage of puberty.

Precocious in the sense that they are doing and wearing things that are not normal for 11 year olds.

Have you been in a middle school recently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Umm good luck "making" a pubescent and mature 11/12 year old play make believe or play with dolls. How would you do that?

LOL

[Anonymous]

DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Umm good luck "making" a pubescent and mature 11/12 year old play make believe or play with dolls. How would you do that?

This! And there is a stigma against the ones who feel too “grown up” for dolls and make believe. But, it’s not like the more “grown up” girls are acting like Kardashians or anything. At 11, my now teenage daughter would be embarrassed to play dress up or with dolls. When she had a friend over, they would bake cookies, “redecorate” her room (usually just moving posters around), listen to music, try on clothes, etc. All totally innocent activities but were more interesting to them than the toys and games they played with at 8-9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Umm good luck "making" a pubescent and mature 11/12 year old play make believe or play with dolls. How would you do that?

This! And there is a stigma against the ones who feel too “grown up” for dolls and make believe. But, it’s not like the more “grown up” girls are acting like Kardashians or anything. At 11, my now teenage daughter would be embarrassed to play dress up or with dolls. When she had a friend over, they would bake cookies, “redecorate” her room (usually just moving posters around), listen to music, try on clothes, etc. All totally innocent activities but were more interesting to them than the toys and games they played with at 8-9.

There is no stigma, but why is it that any time someone mentions older kids should play everyone races to the idea that they need to act like they're 3? The activities you mention sound great, we did them too, but no reason why they can't or shouldn't run around and play with their friends especially at 11.