DD’s butt pinched in the pool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we actually need to publicly shame boys and men like this in real time. They get away with it when no one speaks up. I know it’s easier said than done. I know some women and girls have already caught some harassment on camera. I hope they keep doing it and shaming these men.

Exactly. Doing this in front of other hotel guests would be even more fantastic. What has happened to people in this country? I have come from a very conservative country where women have fewer protections. Even I learned to fight this kind of sexual molestation and harassment. You can bet that I would have made sure these boys rue the day they touched my daughter. And I would certainly had got the hotel involved.

Your DD did the right thing. You needed to make a big hue and cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

It is sexual assault. It is not rape but it is sexual assault. These POS boys should have known the terror so they did not turn into rapists.

[Anonymous]

Trump can grab pu$$ies and can lust after Ivanka's hot a$$. These boys are cut from the same cloth. Rapists fathers raise would be rapists sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

Exactly! We are trying to teach a girl that her bodily autonomy counts… by overriding her emotional autonomy? It also could have been more traumatizing for her to have her Dad confront the boys against her will. I am shocked by the responses suggesting he should have done just that. As someone who has been pinched, grabbed, groped in public numerous times (like so many women) I know that being validated by a person I love is much more important than having that person confront someone against my will. Jeez.

+1. Feeling as though you have no agency or say in how the situation is handled is further traumatizing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

These were young teens but nine year olds. Are you serious? You don’t think they understand that touching someone’s butt is sexual? The excuses…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

Exactly! We are trying to teach a girl that her bodily autonomy counts… by overriding her emotional autonomy? It also could have been more traumatizing for her to have her Dad confront the boys against her will. I am shocked by the responses suggesting he should have done just that. As someone who has been pinched, grabbed, groped in public numerous times (like so many women) I know that being validated by a person I love is much more important than having that person confront someone against my will. Jeez.

+1. Feeling as though you have no agency or say in how the situation is handled is further traumatizing

I was thinking about this too-- If I had experienced this situation growing up, my dad would have confronted the boys whether I wanted him to or not. I don't think it would have made me feel better or safer--it definitely wouldn't have made me feel more empowered. Talking with the hotel management would have been a good call--but maybe DH's dad froze and didn't think about it in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

These were young teens but nine year olds. Are you serious? You don’t think they understand that touching someone’s butt is sexual? The excuses…

Do you think if high school football players slap each other’s butts that it’s sexual as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh would have confronted the boys immediately, regardless of what my dd wanted. I’m not sure how you handle this after the fact. Your dd will probably have some very strong and confusing feelings about the whole thing. She needs to learn that standing up for yourself is empowering and being passive gives the offender all the control. Now she will remember feeling embarrassment and helplessness. It’s far better to remember the way you exerted your own power.

Almost 30 years later, I still beat myself up for not stopping a teacher who used to give lots of us unwanted back rubs. One day he sat down next to me and put his hand on my thigh and left it there. I have long felt that I was complicit in allowing him to do this to other girls. I teach my dds that they don’t have to know the right way to handle a situation like this, because that’s what parents are for. I’ll know how to handle it.

I disagree with this. Her DD did the right thing. She was outnumbered and, especially given the ages, likely a large differential in size. Getting to physical safety with someone trusted was absolutely the right thing to do. Her father, however, failed miserably. A father is literally the one man a girl should be able to trust unequivocably with her safety. He just taught her that a someone can physically harm her right in front of him, and he's willing to act like it's NBD. He absolutely should have shut down the idea that she had anything to be embarrassed about right then and there (regardless of whether she still went back to her room). The only people who should be ashamed are the little rapists-in-training who would touch a girl within eyeshot of her father. And now the father, who decided to let them get away with it.

Re: the bold type only: New poster and I agree. When my teen DD and friends took a self-defense class recently (I participated too) there was a strong emphasis on just this -- get away to safety. That's the priority when there's a physical threat. You don't stick around to "stand up for yourself" when you are in a situation where you feel threatened and especially where you are outnumbered. You get away. You stay and fight (verbally or physically) ONLY if there is zero other option.

OP said DD was surprised when she emerged from the water among a group of bigger boys; the pinch was an even bigger surprise and happened as she was swimming away from them--was she supposed to stop, stand up in the pool, turn around and start confronting a group of bigger boys? Nope. She was right to get away and keep moving away.

Regarding dad's reaction, though, I disagree with the rest of that post but I do agree wtih this PP:

I don’t blame your dh or dd in this situation. It’s SO hard to know the right thing to do the first time it happens. I can see my 13 year old insisting the exact same thing and both my dh and I unsure whether or not to comply with her request to save her embarrassment or talk to the kids.

So chalk this up as a learning experience for everyone in your family—how do we handle it when it happens next time? This is WHY we speak up—not to embarrass you, but because if we don’t, then the boys think it’s passable behavior.

Hindsight is 20/20. So is the view from armchair coaches blasting the parent after the fact. We all react ideally and nobly and like perfect parents....in hindsight, and when telling others what they should have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

These were young teens but nine year olds. Are you serious? You don’t think they understand that touching someone’s butt is sexual? The excuses…

Do you think if high school football players slap each other’s butts that it’s sexual as well?

Are you comparing that with boys circling a girl and pinching her butt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

These were young teens but nine year olds. Are you serious? You don’t think they understand that touching someone’s butt is sexual? The excuses…

Do you think if high school football players slap each other’s butts that it’s sexual as well?

Are you comparing that with boys circling a girl and pinching her butt?

JFC. You don’t know that the boys circled her. She was swimming underwater - maybe she unwittingly swam into their group? Did you ever swim underwater as a kid? If she was surprised to be among them then it seems she didn’t have goggles but rather had her eyes closed - otherwise would she not have seen them coming?

Some of you seem desperate to turn every mildly inappropriate or embarrassing interaction into OMG SEXUAL ASSAULT!!! It seems over the top in this instance. And I am a woman, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former 13-year old boy here. I bet they were standing around and one of them got the stupid idea to do this and dared one of the other boys to do it. It's because they are stupid and lack judgment, not because they are sexual predators.

I can imagine the father coming up and yelling at the boys and asking who did it. You think any boy will just fess up? No way.

Exactly. Stupid harmless prank.

The women on this board are nuts.

Pls tell us how you would explain your view to an 11 yr girl? Go ahead, tell that little girl that her embarrassment and humiliation are harmless fun. How would you word that? Look her in the eye when you say it.

I would say say the truth you don't grasp: Sometimes boys are idiots. I would have told her to speak the hell up to them. "Get away from me!" Or "Get your hands off me!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

Exactly. I am floored by some of the answers here but given how common sexual assault is, it's not shocking. I think some people really think that it always involves some creep hiding in the bushes. The same young teens who are touching girls without consequence can easily become the same older teens/men who end up doing much worse. My guess is that some of the same fools who don't think this is a big deal blame women for their assaults.

I am nit defending butt pinching by any means, but you all are trivializing sexual assault through your careless use of language. Words have meaning, and calling a butt pinch sexual assault is GD ridiculous.

Sexual assault does not mean only rape. Touching someone/butt pinching is sexual assault. It’s not a matter of opinion. Look up the legal definition of sexual assault.

Yes I know the definition. Explain to me how you know the butt was pinched in a sexual manner? Especially with kids? Again, I am not saying it’s ok to do but I can just picture someone in some sort of support group dramatically describing the trauma of the time when they were 11 and that 13 year old pinched their butt.

And seriously, stop blaming the entire group of boys for what one boy did. Maybe the other boys didn’t even know he did it? And yes DD should have called him out or let her dad do it, but don’t give her a victim complex by acting like drama llamas.

These were young teens but nine year olds. Are you serious? You don’t think they understand that touching someone’s butt is sexual? The excuses…

Do you think if high school football players slap each other’s butts that it’s sexual as well?

Are you comparing that with boys circling a girl and pinching her butt?

JFC. You don’t know that the boys circled her. She was swimming underwater - maybe she unwittingly swam into their group? Did you ever swim underwater as a kid? If she was surprised to be among them then it seems she didn’t have goggles but rather had her eyes closed - otherwise would she not have seen them coming?

Some of you seem desperate to turn every mildly inappropriate or embarrassing interaction into OMG SEXUAL ASSAULT!!! It seems over the top in this instance. And I am a woman, BTW.

Agreed. Another woman here with one son and two daughters (all early teens). Some of you are angry nuts in your crusade to turn this into sexual assault.