DD’s butt pinched in the pool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have gone off on those boys. F that! No way!

She did the right thing. I get why your H did nothing.

But as a 50 year old woman who has been sexually harassed since I was 12 I have learned to not let it go.

Without knowing who did it? There were several boys and according to OP's daughter there was only one pinch--which means you would be "gong off" on several innocent parties. If you "went off" on my kid who hadn't done anything wrong, I'd alert hotel security and hopefully they'd have you thrown out. You can't just go around screaming at random innocent strangers.

Hahahaha. Wait......hahahahaha.

Yes yes the hotel would kick out the father who's child was assaulted and not the group of teen boys. As the mom of boys if I found out my boys were with a group who surrounded a girl and one pinched her butt-- well the scene I would create would make the hotel kick me out. I would be livid even if my kid didn't do the pinching.

[Anonymous]

Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems odd that your DH did not say / do anything at that moment. Even if he sent your daughters back to the room and then handled it with hotel management or spoke directly to the boys. It’s also really odd that they both waited to mention it to you until after dinner.

My husband would have been LIVID, and those boys would have remembered that experience for years to come. My husband is an attorney, so while he would not have called the police on them, he would’ve used words to make the boys think they would be in legal trouble. Their parents absolutely should have been informed. Now those boys are going to try that again on the next younger girl they want to take advantage of .

Your husband wouldn't have known which boy did it (if any of them did.) If your husband did that to MY boy, I would be LIVID and it would be something your husband would remember for the rest of their life. If your husband made threats against my kid, he'd be jail.

Hi, mom of a future rapist!

Seriously. What the hell, pp?

[Anonymous]

The father needed to address it right there. Now the boy will repeat that act for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

I agree with this. Telling over her express wishes not to do so would be taking away her control and agency even further. You don’t want your daughter afraid of telling him or you if something more serious comes up out of fear that he will lose his mind. He was right not to say anything to the boys, but now is the time to talk to your daughter about various options. What if he had said something? What might have happened? Could that have been a better option? Now might they feel free to do it again to someone else? Was not saying something with it? Why was it hard to speak up, etc. it’s so good that she told him, so compliment on that for sure and encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have gone off on those boys. F that! No way!

She did the right thing. I get why your H did nothing.

But as a 50 year old woman who has been sexually harassed since I was 12 I have learned to not let it go.

Without knowing who did it? There were several boys and according to OP's daughter there was only one pinch--which means you would be "gong off" on several innocent parties. If you "went off" on my kid who hadn't done anything wrong, I'd alert hotel security and hopefully they'd have you thrown out. You can't just go around screaming at random innocent strangers.

Several boys circled her, so all were involved and complicit. And yes. I would say one of you punch her butt and ask who did it. I would say standing by when you’re friends harass a girl is just as bad as doing it. They need to learn to treat everybody with respect.

Go ahead alert security that you son is predatory or at least friends with a predator. They all would have been tossed from the pool if you called security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.[/quote

Nope he should teach her to stand up for herself. Obviously not alone that is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have gone off on those boys. F that! No way!

She did the right thing. I get why your H did nothing.

But as a 50 year old woman who has been sexually harassed since I was 12 I have learned to not let it go.

Without knowing who did it? There were several boys and according to OP's daughter there was only one pinch--which means you would be "gong off" on several innocent parties. If you "went off" on my kid who hadn't done anything wrong, I'd alert hotel security and hopefully they'd have you thrown out. You can't just go around screaming at random innocent strangers.

I’m sure the hotel would love the prospect of a review claiming an 11 year old was assaulted in the pool and then her family was thrown out for standing up for her. Of every possible outcome, throwing the girl’s family out of the hotel is the one most likely to result in hotel management being fired

Wow, so you're the type of person that likes to lie in yelp reviews to get your way?

"Going off" on an innocent party is not standing up for your daughter. Two wrongs don't make a right. And presumably, you are an adult who should know better.

both are factual claims. If I was thrown out after this, I would absolutely call the police to report the assault and let the boys deal with the inevitable interviews

Nothing would happen to those kids. If anything, the kid who did it would learn early how easy it is to get away with. The naïveté of this crowd is astounding.

[Anonymous]

I agree this was a difficult situation for OP’s DH and DD. I think OP’s DD did the right thing getting away from those boys. I also think OP’s DH had a tough choice in that moment whether to abide by his DD’s wishes.

However, had OP’s DH chosen to confront the group of boys responsible for deliberately surrounding an 11 yr old girl and contributing to one of them assaulting her? I would support that entirely.

Certainly the boy who actually put his hands on a young girl like that is most responsible but all those boys played their part.

You parents of boys who have said you would oppose the girl’s father confronting this group of boys: do you realize all those boys were responsible? Do you want your boys growing up believing this behavior is ok?

All those boys deserved to be confronted with their behavior and, if only in that moment, be forced to see what they were doing was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

Nope he should teach her to stand up for herself. Obviously not alone that is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Agree with posters. DH stood firm on DD wishes in the moment. She'll never forget that trust, which is so important. But now DH needs to talk to DD about why he supported her wishes in the moment. How he wants her to always trust and confide in him, and he'll protect her above all else. He also needs to help her understand that as her father, he wanted to firmly address the boys and if possible their parents to protect her and other young girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have gone off on those boys. F that! No way!

She did the right thing. I get why your H did nothing.

But as a 50 year old woman who has been sexually harassed since I was 12 I have learned to not let it go.

Without knowing who did it? There were several boys and according to OP's daughter there was only one pinch--which means you would be "gong off" on several innocent parties. If you "went off" on my kid who hadn't done anything wrong, I'd alert hotel security and hopefully they'd have you thrown out. You can't just go around screaming at random innocent strangers.

Several boys circled her, so all were involved and complicit. And yes. I would say one of you punch her butt and ask who did it. I would say standing by when you’re friends harass a girl is just as bad as doing it. They need to learn to treat everybody with respect.

Go ahead alert security that you son is predatory or at least friends with a predator. They all would have been tossed from the pool if you called security.

I didn’t read the OP to say that several boys surrounded her and were complicit. I read it that she swam into a group of boys and one did this when she swam away. I was envisioning a scene where a group of boys are together, perhaps due to a travel team tournament or something, and one of them does this. It is not at all clear from the description that more than one boy was responsible or aware of the incident. Together at a hotel does not mean they were friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband did the right thing, because he was following his daughter’s wishes. Your daughter’s trust in her dad is more important then yelling at a bunch of boys.

Nope he should teach her to stand up for herself. Obviously not alone that is dangerous.

My mom would do that — do and say whatever and to whoever she wanted to after I told her something.

So to all the moms saying the dad should have said something: you’re wrong, because the daughter said, “Dad, don’t say anything.”

[Anonymous]

When I was that age if a boy pinched my butt I'd have slugged him one. And I did.

But that aside, the experience is humiliating and no one gets to touch her like that, it is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with posters. DH stood firm on DD wishes in the moment. She'll never forget that trust, which is so important. But now DH needs to talk to DD about why he supported her wishes in the moment. How he wants her to always trust and confide in him, and he'll protect her above all else. He also needs to help her understand that as her father, he wanted to firmly address the boys and if possible their parents to protect her and other young girls.

I totally agree with this one. I think the Dad was correct in this moment. But you all need to have the conversation about what the daughter thinks about it now (does she regret her decision or glad she made it?), what possible alternatives could have happened, what could be done in future instances (with her parents there and without), etc. Some role-playing and practicing responses would come in handy too.