How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

OP is looking for a "part time lover."

Would you commit to being exclusive with a woman who was only willing to date you on a part time basis?

I'm talking about if you had some free evenings and were horny but she just refused to be or wasn't available. Would you agree (on a prolonged consistent basis) to be celibate and only reserve yourself for an FWB who wanted no serious commitment, if you had the time, opportunity, and motive to see other women?

If so: Why?

Because I’m also only available to them on a part time basis. You act like only this type of relationship might result in a few unrequited horny nights.

So does marriage I just don’t want to pretend to trust anyone with my “forever”, half my estate, or access to my kids again.

You didn't answer the question, which specifically asked WHY you would restrict yourself in that manner IF you had additional time, motive, and opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

She may, she may not. Like your marriage may or may not. Like we all may or may not wake up tomorrow.

I agree. So for today she’s making the choice she is with the information at hand, and if things change, she will adapt.


This isn’t high level stuff folks the way some of you are agog about this is fascinating to me. Do you really think there’s only one way to “do” relationships?

My marriage was undone by a mentally ill and abusive man (head injuries- TBI) - please don’t have so little empathy as to not try to understand why I want to protect my kids from other men while enjoying sex and adult time. Or if you can’t, do it on a thread for married people.

Yes I can see why you would want to protect your children from other men suffering from Traumatic Brain Injury which causes them to be mentally ill and abusive.

However, I don't really understand why you would specifically restrict yourself to dating such men.

But there's no accounting for taste, is there?

[Anonymous]

I have no idea. I’m 43 and rich- most of my peers are still working and they probably also don’t have all of this leisure time you seem to have to sit around and worry about hypothetical dating scenarios. I don’t care about theory I care about needs. Given that the men who appeal to me are successful, they are likewise busy. Maybe you and your wife can sit around and discuss this tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

OP is looking for a "part time lover."

Would you commit to being exclusive with a woman who was only willing to date you on a part time basis?

I'm talking about if you had some free evenings and were horny but she just refused to be or wasn't available. Would you agree (on a prolonged consistent basis) to be celibate and only reserve yourself for an FWB who wanted no serious commitment, if you had the time, opportunity, and motive to see other women?

If so: Why?

Because I’m also only available to them on a part time basis. You act like only this type of relationship might result in a few unrequited horny nights.

So does marriage I just don’t want to pretend to trust anyone with my “forever”, half my estate, or access to my kids again.

You didn't answer the question, which specifically asked WHY you would restrict yourself in that manner IF you had additional time, motive, and opportunity.

"restrict myself" to amazing sex with one person? I don't know, why do you, if you do? I mean, maybe sex is a lot more important to me than it is to you, but being exclusive sexually with someone IS a commitment to me. Is the only commitment you value that of marriage? The bolded is confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

She may, she may not. Like your marriage may or may not. Like we all may or may not wake up tomorrow.

I agree. So for today she’s making the choice she is with the information at hand, and if things change, she will adapt.

This isn’t high level stuff folks the way some of you are agog about this is fascinating to me. Do you really think there’s only one way to “do” relationships?

My marriage was undone by a mentally ill and abusive man (head injuries- TBI) - please don’t have so little empathy as to not try to understand why I want to protect my kids from other men while enjoying sex and adult time. Or if you can’t, do it on a thread for married people.

She is not making any choices "today". She is asking whether a possible future choice is feasible. Many people here who have confronted that choice have warned her that the answer is no, probably not. Yet she remains adamant about wanting what she wants. Which is fine, but it makes you wonder why she even asked for advice in the first place if she planned to ignore any advice that conflicted with her wants.

Everyone can understand wanting to "protect your kids from other men". Admirable enough, in its way. No doubt most divorced men would like their ex wives to have exactly that attitude. Yet we know, from observation of countless cases, that often enough the desire to protect the kids from strange men goes right out the window when the woman starts to have strong feelings for a man -- which is so common that we could regard it, for all practical purposes, as inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

OP is looking for a "part time lover."

Would you commit to being exclusive with a woman who was only willing to date you on a part time basis?

I'm talking about if you had some free evenings and were horny but she just refused to be or wasn't available. Would you agree (on a prolonged consistent basis) to be celibate and only reserve yourself for an FWB who wanted no serious commitment, if you had the time, opportunity, and motive to see other women?

If so: Why?

Because I’m also only available to them on a part time basis. You act like only this type of relationship might result in a few unrequited horny nights.

So does marriage I just don’t want to pretend to trust anyone with my “forever”, half my estate, or access to my kids again.

I am OP. I did not write what is above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

She may, she may not. Like your marriage may or may not. Like we all may or may not wake up tomorrow.

I agree. So for today she’s making the choice she is with the information at hand, and if things change, she will adapt.

This isn’t high level stuff folks the way some of you are agog about this is fascinating to me. Do you really think there’s only one way to “do” relationships?

My marriage was undone by a mentally ill and abusive man (head injuries- TBI) - please don’t have so little empathy as to not try to understand why I want to protect my kids from other men while enjoying sex and adult time. Or if you can’t, do it on a thread for married people.

She is not making any choices "today". She is asking whether a possible future choice is feasible. Many people here who have confronted that choice have warned her that the answer is no, probably not. Yet she remains adamant about wanting what she wants. Which is fine, but it makes you wonder why she even asked for advice in the first place if she planned to ignore any advice that conflicted with her wants.

Everyone can understand wanting to "protect your kids from other men". Admirable enough, in its way. No doubt most divorced men would like their ex wives to have exactly that attitude. Yet we know, from observation of countless cases, that often enough the desire to protect the kids from strange men goes right out the window when the woman starts to have strong feelings for a man -- which is so common that we could regard it, for all practical purposes, as inevitable.

Well I’m making that choice and saying yes. So I don’t care about other people’s experience, really, I’m just sharing mine. I’m young 40’s and am blessed with health and adventurousness and complete financial stability. I love having “my kids” then a good shag once or twice a week - and a long weekend away a month with NO kids. That’s great for me and I’ve found it- the hardest part is finding mid 40s men who weren’t financially undone by their divorce. I don’t need their money but I’m also not paying their way to go away w me.


At least the woman is there with her kids when she starts to develop these inevitable feelings you ascribe her. Her baby daddy long gone- maybe start judging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not making any choices "today". She is asking whether a possible future choice is feasible. Many people here who have confronted that choice have warned her that the answer is no, probably not. Yet she remains adamant about wanting what she wants. Which is fine, but it makes you wonder why she even asked for advice in the first place if she planned to ignore any advice that conflicted with her wants.

Everyone can understand wanting to "protect your kids from other men". Admirable enough, in its way. No doubt most divorced men would like their ex wives to have exactly that attitude. Yet we know, from observation of countless cases, that often enough the desire to protect the kids from strange men goes right out the window when the woman starts to have strong feelings for a man -- which is so common that we could regard it, for all practical purposes, as inevitable.

Well I’m making that choice and saying yes. So I don’t care about other people’s experience, really, I’m just sharing mine. I’m young 40’s and am blessed with health and adventurousness and complete financial stability. I love having “my kids” then a good shag once or twice a week - and a long weekend away a month with NO kids. That’s great for me and I’ve found it- the hardest part is finding mid 40s men who weren’t financially undone by their divorce. I don’t need their money but I’m also not paying their way to go away w me.

At least the woman is there with her kids when she starts to develop these inevitable feelings you ascribe her. Her baby daddy long gone- maybe start judging him.

OK, so how long have you been doing the NSA shagging thing? Any woman can do that for a short time, and it is a natural phase to go through after a divorce.

And what do you mean, "her baby daddy long gone"? OP is still married, her kid's father is not "gone".

Furthermore, if you are like the OP and think that it is wrong and undesirable to expose your kids to strange men you are shagging, then it doesn't matter whether your kids "baby daddy" is around or not, it's still wrong.

[Anonymous]

Okay. But I find your entire premise wrong. I can’t base a conversation around the theory of what all women do according to you, when I as a woman do differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. But I find your entire premise wrong. I can’t base a conversation around the theory of what all women do according to you, when I as a woman do differently.

LOL apparently your premise is that "I do things differently and therefore all women do things differently". Solipsism much?

More importantly, we don't know that you "do differently" - because women change their minds - and how long you have been "doing differently" will tell us something about the likelihood of you changing your mind.

If you were divorced six months ago, and are having a grand old time getting NSA sex on Tinder, great, but nobody's going to believe you will sustain that behavior over the long term.

If you have been having NSA FWBs for ten years and haven't caught feelz from any of them, also great, you are a rare unicorn. But OP shouldn't count on being like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea. I’m 43 and rich- most of my peers are still working and they probably also don’t have all of this leisure time you seem to have to sit around and worry about hypothetical dating scenarios. I don’t care about theory I care about needs. Given that the men who appeal to me are successful, they are likewise busy. Maybe you and your wife can sit around and discuss this tonight.

Well then you can afford an ample supply of batteries.

[Anonymous]

No - more like I’m saying to OP (not to you), that I feel like her. That I’m finding it’s a realistic want, and a good lifestyle. That I find it enables me to be a great mom and after going through my experience it gives me the dual benefit of feeling as though I’m doing what’s best for my kids.

If In 10 years I change my mind great!!!! If in 3 mos I change my mind great!!! I totally get that minds change as I’ve been divorced, you see.

I’m just not foolish to enter into a legal contract again- knowing as I know that things change.

I don’t know why that puts you in such a tizzy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea. I’m 43 and rich- most of my peers are still working and they probably also don’t have all of this leisure time you seem to have to sit around and worry about hypothetical dating scenarios. I don’t care about theory I care about needs. Given that the men who appeal to me are successful, they are likewise busy. Maybe you and your wife can sit around and discuss this tonight.

Well then you can afford an ample supply of batteries.

Or men to change them for me. Either ones fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

She may, she may not. Like your marriage may or may not. Like we all may or may not wake up tomorrow.

I agree. So for today she’s making the choice she is with the information at hand, and if things change, she will adapt.

This isn’t high level stuff folks the way some of you are agog about this is fascinating to me. Do you really think there’s only one way to “do” relationships?

My marriage was undone by a mentally ill and abusive man (head injuries- TBI) - please don’t have so little empathy as to not try to understand why I want to protect my kids from other men while enjoying sex and adult time. Or if you can’t, do it on a thread for married people.

She is not making any choices "today". She is asking whether a possible future choice is feasible. Many people here who have confronted that choice have warned her that the answer is no, probably not. Yet she remains adamant about wanting what she wants. Which is fine, but it makes you wonder why she even asked for advice in the first place if she planned to ignore any advice that conflicted with her wants.

Everyone can understand wanting to "protect your kids from other men". Admirable enough, in its way. No doubt most divorced men would like their ex wives to have exactly that attitude. Yet we know, from observation of countless cases, that often enough the desire to protect the kids from strange men goes right out the window when the woman starts to have strong feelings for a man -- which is so common that we could regard it, for all practical purposes, as inevitable.

Well I’m making that choice and saying yes. So I don’t care about other people’s experience, really, I’m just sharing mine. I’m young 40’s and am blessed with health and adventurousness and complete financial stability. I love having “my kids” then a good shag once or twice a week - and a long weekend away a month with NO kids. That’s great for me and I’ve found it- the hardest part is finding mid 40s men who weren’t financially undone by their divorce. I don’t need their money but I’m also not paying their way to go away w me.


At least the woman is there with her kids when she starts to develop these inevitable feelings you ascribe her. Her baby daddy long gone- maybe start judging him.

You were fortunate to find an available man with a compatibly low sex drive, but once or twice a week is probably not enough for a divorced man in his 40s coming out of a low or no sex marriage.

So I take it you don't expect your FWB to be exclusive, right, if he has a normally-high sex drive?

[Anonymous]

Oh really? A 50/50 dad pulling a full time job and multiple kids solo is out hunting for great V more than twice a week?