How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has Aspergers. Very matter-of-fact about everything, has very cold emotionless answers for everything. Yep, definitely on the spectrum.

If the kids are too, then maybe OP is right that they won’t care much about their parents getting divorced. They’ll keep it moving just like their robot mom.

OP here: I do not have Aspergers or any other syndromes. I think it is bizarre that so many people do not understand why a mother would not want to remarry or seriously date to protect her children from more emotional damage due to a divorce. I do not think people would judge a man so harshly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My best friend cannot understand for the life of her why I don't ever want to set up house again with a 50-something divorced dad and combine our teenage kids and start all over with inlaws. Um, no thanks. 

As a 55yo divorced dad with kids, I say “no thanks” to that idea, too. Especially if she has kids, too. No way, not gonna happen.

Right.

So, are you exclusive with your FWBs?

For reals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will one of you women please get a hold of me!

I’m in Colorado, sorry. I will say swinging/Poly/“the lifestyle” is huge here and that makes it even easier, for me, as there are plenty of attractive healthy, sex positive people around.

OP doesn't want to swing. So this isn't very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.

[Anonymous]

I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will one of you women please get a hold of me!

I’m in Colorado, sorry. I will say swinging/Poly/“the lifestyle” is huge here and that makes it even easier, for me, as there are plenty of attractive healthy, sex positive people around.

OP doesn't want to swing. So this isn't very helpful.

Well no, but it was a direct response to the man asking for some of my delicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP isn’t even divorced yet! Her marriage is on the rocks and this is just an exercise in divorce fantasy. Of course she’s bitter about relationships and romanticizing her past loves.

I doubt even OP would want the arrangement she describes long term. Can it work for 6 months, a year, maybe 2? Of course! But these FWB situations fizzle out once the novelty wears off and there’s no emotional intimacy to keep the connection.

OP here: 6 months, 1 Year or 2 years is fine. I do not want an actual relationship.

Then drop exclusivity and just screw whoever you feel like when the urge hits. Keep a team. If one FB isn’t available when you’re DTF move on to the next.

You’re exclusive approach is all wrong and contradictory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

OP is looking for a "part time lover."

Would you commit to being exclusive with a woman who was only willing to date you on a part time basis?

I'm talking about if you had some free evenings and were horny but she just refused to be or wasn't available. Would you agree (on a prolonged consistent basis) to be celibate and only reserve yourself for an FWB who wanted no serious commitment, if you had the time, opportunity, and motive to see other women?

If so: Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.

It is very possible you will find numerous men who will SAY they won't see other women when you are unavailable.

But these very same men who would agree to this in the first place, will also be the same kind of men who would lie about it to get you in the sack.

You don't want to make a commitment, you say there is no chance of a commitment in the future.

No rational man has any reason whatsoever to agree to see you when it's convenient for you, and deny himself at least the option of seeing other women when you're unavailable.

If you don't want to have a relationship with the guy, then you don't get to ask for him to be exclusive, but if you do, and you're naive enough to believe guys who tell you they agree to it, you deserve exactly what you end up with--the bottom of the barrel--players.

[Anonymous]

OP what you are asking for is 99% not likely to happen.

I think the solution for you is to become the mistress of a married man. They are the only group of men I can think of who will be most likely to conform to some degree of “exclusivity “ with you (wife aside), since they will only have so much time for extramarital activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.

Yes it does, however timing is a b&tch and you may not be on the same page or even (god forbid) one has deeper feelings for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am. I don’t have time to be out looking for other sex partners so when I find one I am fully enjoying I don’t look elsewhere.

OP is looking for a "part time lover."

Would you commit to being exclusive with a woman who was only willing to date you on a part time basis?

I'm talking about if you had some free evenings and were horny but she just refused to be or wasn't available. Would you agree (on a prolonged consistent basis) to be celibate and only reserve yourself for an FWB who wanted no serious commitment, if you had the time, opportunity, and motive to see other women?

If so: Why?

Because I’m also only available to them on a part time basis. You act like only this type of relationship might result in a few unrequited horny nights.

So does marriage I just don’t want to pretend to trust anyone with my “forever”, half my estate, or access to my kids again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.

Yes it does, however timing is a b&tch and you may not be on the same page or even (god forbid) one has deeper feelings for the other.

Marriage doesn’t protect against this either- though you may believe it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

What you didn't get about the link -- that other OP thought she was "done with all that" and had an FWB relationship, but eventually she caught feelz for the guy. You're currently deluded that you won't catch feelz. But you will.

She may, she may not. Like your marriage may or may not. Like we all may or may not wake up tomorrow.

I agree. So for today she’s making the choice she is with the information at hand, and if things change, she will adapt.


This isn’t high level stuff folks the way some of you are agog about this is fascinating to me. Do you really think there’s only one way to “do” relationships?

My marriage was undone by a mentally ill and abusive man (head injuries- TBI) - please don’t have so little empathy as to not try to understand why I want to protect my kids from other men while enjoying sex and adult time. Or if you can’t, do it on a thread for married people.