How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, 40's divorced dad here. This is me

OP here: thanks for chiming in. I was hoping to hear this. My husband and I will both be seeking the same thing after a divorce and I wondered if other men would feel the same. I am glad to hear it. Was thinking divorced dads might have the same idea.

Maybe you and your STBX should transition to friends with benefits status. No never mind you would have to get a babysitter, that won't work.

Being divorced with two kids is not going to attract marriage minded men anyways. I think you can find a guy to have sex with you on a part time basis but don't expect it to be exclusive and always use condoms due to STDs.

OP here: My soon to be ex and I have a sexless marriage. I am talking many years. We are never having sex again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is you shortly after your divorce

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/788867.page

OP here: Absolutely not. I have a moving on problem. I was never in love with my spouse. I was in love twice before and the second one broke me. I did not fall in love again and should never have married. I will not fall in love and will never want to introduce anyone to my family. Done with all of that.

You sound so bitter.

You divorced because you are not in love with you DH? Now you want a loveless part time sexual relationship? Therapy time.

There are multiple reasons for a divorce. Marriage was wrong from the start. I have kids; I am not interested in involving another man in my kids’ lives-that is why I am looking for this possibility I have described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, 40's divorced dad here. This is me

OP here: thanks for chiming in. I was hoping to hear this. My husband and I will both be seeking the same thing after a divorce and I wondered if other men would feel the same. I am glad to hear it. Was thinking divorced dads might have the same idea.

Maybe you and your STBX should transition to friends with benefits status. No never mind you would have to get a babysitter, that won't work.

Being divorced with two kids is not going to attract marriage minded men anyways. I think you can find a guy to have sex with you on a part time basis but don't expect it to be exclusive and always use condoms due to STDs.

PERFECT. I screen out marriage minded men as I’m smart and successful and financially independent and have wonderful healthy kids and family and friends and spontaneity and down time and.....what on earth would a “marriage minded man” bring to my table but work drama hassle and liability?

Thanks for the encouragement! It’s easy, you’re so right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, 40's divorced dad here. This is me

OP here: thanks for chiming in. I was hoping to hear this. My husband and I will both be seeking the same thing after a divorce and I wondered if other men would feel the same. I am glad to hear it. Was thinking divorced dads might have the same idea.

Maybe you and your STBX should transition to friends with benefits status. No never mind you would have to get a babysitter, that won't work.

Being divorced with two kids is not going to attract marriage minded men anyways. I think you can find a guy to have sex with you on a part time basis but don't expect it to be exclusive and always use condoms due to STDs.

PERFECT. I screen out marriage minded men as I’m smart and successful and financially independent and have wonderful healthy kids and family and friends and spontaneity and down time and.....what on earth would a “marriage minded man” bring to my table but work drama hassle and liability?

Thanks for the encouragement! It’s easy, you’re so right.

OP here: I did not respond above but I completely agree with her! I do not want a “marriage-minded man”—I would never remarry! I really do not see the point of why anyone would marry twice.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a LOT of women who are looking for the same thing. No need to remarry and have a little time around work, kids, friends and hobbies for some adult activities. They seem happy, comfortable, confident and often financial secure. So they don’t NEED a man, they desire one on their terms.

Men on the other hand seem to want more. It’s an interesting dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been reading this thread since OP posted, and I am frankly shocked by the responses in this "age of consent". OP clearly stated on the first page of the thread that she is interested in " monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home." Then she asks "possible of unrealistic".

The vast majority of replies on this thread not only tell her unrealistic but that she must change her consent to either agree to non-monogamous sex, agree to a "real" relationship or accept that men will just violate her consent by agreeing to monogamous sex but secretly cheat on her. Various PPs cast OP as psychologically disordered or misinformed about her sexual or relational value to man. The whole thread pressures OP to consent to some kind of sex or relationship she has already stated she is not into. This thread is a classic example of #rapeculture.

OP, I guarantee you that there is a guy in the DC area who wants what you want. Your job is simply to put yourself out there, be honest about what you want, and keep saying "thank you, next," to anyone who wants you to consent to something (sex or relationship) that you are not ready for.

A fascinatingly stupid and insane tirade. Telling her that her goals are unrealistic is not pressuring her to do anything. She asked for feedback, and she can do whatever she wants with the information she gets.

Sad. Classic misogynistic response -- call the woman dumb and crazy. OP is getting much more than your opinion that she is unrealistic. The whole vibe of the thread is "OP, you are so unrealistic you are a dumb crazy bitch. Don't you know the only way you won't turn into a cat lady is to give us as much (or as little) sex and relationship as we want and if you don't we're just going to lie to you to get it."

Honestly, it's a bit tiresome.

Well gee, she called the PPs a bunch of rape-enablers, but apparently pushing back against such an absurd interpretation is misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a LOT of women who are looking for the same thing. No need to remarry and have a little time around work, kids, friends and hobbies for some adult activities. They seem happy, comfortable, confident and often financial secure. So they don’t NEED a man, they desire one on their terms.

Men on the other hand seem to want more. It’s an interesting dynamic.

There are plenty of divorced men who are exactly the same as you describe women here -- no desire to remarry, happy, comfortable, confident, financially secure, and don't "need" a woman except on their terms.

Men who "want more" want it on their terms, too. They want someone who is going to provide regular affection and sex. I guess some guys want someone who will also cook and clean, and thus all the grumbling from women who don't want to do that. But that, for those guys, is the term for their commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PERFECT. I screen out marriage minded men as I’m smart and successful and financially independent and have wonderful healthy kids and family and friends and spontaneity and down time and.....what on earth would a “marriage minded man” bring to my table but work drama hassle and liability?

I'm a divorced man, and I don't want to get married for the same reasons you describe here. Far as I'm concerned, remarriage is all downside risk and no upside.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of divorced men who are exactly the same as you describe women here -- no desire to remarry, happy, comfortable, confident, financially secure, and don't "need" a woman except on their terms.

Men who "want more" want it on their terms, too. They want someone who is going to provide regular affection and sex. I guess some guys want someone who will also cook and clean, and thus all the grumbling from women who don't want to do that. But that, for those guys, is the term for their commitment.

I am a divorced man and also have no desire to remarry. My kids are great (and out of the house), I have money and want to spend as I see fit. I have no problem having a girlfriend who feels the same way.

What is amazing to me is the number of women that have complained on DCUM about divorced men looking for a woman to cook and clean for them. I can (and do) cook for myself (and my guests) and I have a once weekly cleaning service that does a great job keeping my apartment very clean.

I would much rather she was giving me sex than helping around the house. Or Putting Out>>>>>>Cleaning Up.

[Anonymous]

Op I suggest you stop wasting your time on here and go get online and start dating. You know what to screen for. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There are plenty of divorced men who are exactly the same as you describe women here -- no desire to remarry, happy, comfortable, confident, financially secure, and don't "need" a woman except on their terms.

Men who "want more" want it on their terms, too. They want someone who is going to provide regular affection and sex. I guess some guys want someone who will also cook and clean, and thus all the grumbling from women who don't want to do that. But that, for those guys, is the term for their commitment.

I am a divorced man and also have no desire to remarry. My kids are great (and out of the house), I have money and want to spend as I see fit. I have no problem having a girlfriend who feels the same way.

What is amazing to me is the number of women that have complained on DCUM about divorced men looking for a woman to cook and clean for them. I can (and do) cook for myself (and my guests) and I have a once weekly cleaning service that does a great job keeping my apartment very clean.

I would much rather she was giving me sex than helping around the house. Or Putting Out>>>>>>Cleaning Up.

I am a divorced man, and I totally concur.

My ex-wife didn't cook, clean, or do laundry in the marriage I was in. I did all that for myself when I was single; I did it when I was married; I do it now that I'm single again. Don't need anyone to do that, and don't expect it.

I sort of wonder if those complainy DCUM women are in a situation where the man was cleaning the place to his own standards, and after the woman moved in, she decided she wanted it done to her standards but he's like "it's good enough for me, if you want to do more, do it yourself" -- and then she's all "waah he expects me to do all the cleaning." No, you are trying to assign tasks to him, and he is well within his right to refuse.

[Anonymous]

You seem very anti-male in general and based on 16 pages of this you are not even capable of figuring out on your own if such a man exists much less landing one so I suggest you get a vibrator and a few cats...

[Anonymous]

I can’t get A FEW cats up there, no way.

You’re just some angry incel who married badly- and it shows why the person who knows you best won’t tpuch you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are plenty of divorced men who are exactly the same as you describe women here -- no desire to remarry, happy, comfortable, confident, financially secure, and don't "need" a woman except on their terms.

Men who "want more" want it on their terms, too. They want someone who is going to provide regular affection and sex. I guess some guys want someone who will also cook and clean, and thus all the grumbling from women who don't want to do that. But that, for those guys, is the term for their commitment.

I am a divorced man and also have no desire to remarry. My kids are great (and out of the house), I have money and want to spend as I see fit. I have no problem having a girlfriend who feels the same way.

What is amazing to me is the number of women that have complained on DCUM about divorced men looking for a woman to cook and clean for them. I can (and do) cook for myself (and my guests) and I have a once weekly cleaning service that does a great job keeping my apartment very clean.

I would much rather she was giving me sex than helping around the house. Or Putting Out>>>>>>Cleaning Up.

I am a divorced man, and I totally concur.

My ex-wife didn't cook, clean, or do laundry in the marriage I was in. I did all that for myself when I was single; I did it when I was married; I do it now that I'm single again. Don't need anyone to do that, and don't expect it.

I sort of wonder if those complainy DCUM women are in a situation where the man was cleaning the place to his own standards, and after the woman moved in, she decided she wanted it done to her standards but he's like "it's good enough for me, if you want to do more, do it yourself" -- and then she's all "waah he expects me to do all the cleaning." No, you are trying to assign tasks to him, and he is well within his right to refuse.

My husband moved into my home that I owned. Therefore according to your above sexist comment he should have adapted to and accepted my standards without complaint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are plenty of divorced men who are exactly the same as you describe women here -- no desire to remarry, happy, comfortable, confident, financially secure, and don't "need" a woman except on their terms.

Men who "want more" want it on their terms, too. They want someone who is going to provide regular affection and sex. I guess some guys want someone who will also cook and clean, and thus all the grumbling from women who don't want to do that. But that, for those guys, is the term for their commitment.

I am a divorced man and also have no desire to remarry. My kids are great (and out of the house), I have money and want to spend as I see fit. I have no problem having a girlfriend who feels the same way.

What is amazing to me is the number of women that have complained on DCUM about divorced men looking for a woman to cook and clean for them. I can (and do) cook for myself (and my guests) and I have a once weekly cleaning service that does a great job keeping my apartment very clean.

I would much rather she was giving me sex than helping around the house. Or Putting Out>>>>>>Cleaning Up.

I am a divorced man, and I totally concur.

My ex-wife didn't cook, clean, or do laundry in the marriage I was in. I did all that for myself when I was single; I did it when I was married; I do it now that I'm single again. Don't need anyone to do that, and don't expect it.

I sort of wonder if those complainy DCUM women are in a situation where the man was cleaning the place to his own standards, and after the woman moved in, she decided she wanted it done to her standards but he's like "it's good enough for me, if you want to do more, do it yourself" -- and then she's all "waah he expects me to do all the cleaning." No, you are trying to assign tasks to him, and he is well within his right to refuse.

My husband moved into my home that I owned. Therefore according to your above sexist comment he should have adapted to and accepted my standards without complaint.

(shrug) If you made that clear up front, as you should have, then yes of course he should have. If you try to change the deal on someone after they move in, then don't be surprised if they tell you to talk to the hand.