Marriage without sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP indicates he is a good husband in all ways, and there's no reason to doubt that. It's his wife who seems to be phoning it in on the sex issue. He's talked to her several times, and that's not working.

My advice: Work on yourself and develop other interests that relate to other people. She'll realize she needs to do more and will re-engage.

As an example, take a look at this thread where some guy took up running, got in shape, and had a female running partner - http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/90/680230.page#11836743 . His wife freaked out and so did every other woman on DCUM. It appears to have led to a good bonding experience between them. I'm not saying it was ideal, because you don't want to get to the stage of having your wife freak out. But her knowing that you're an attractive person will cause her to pay attention more, IMHO.

Science has shown two things largely drive female sexual desire: acquiring the attention of something or someone and fear/jealousy/hatered of other women

[Anonymous]

Choreolay is probably generally nonsense, but it might work with some (less attractive) women. But being fit, firm and well put together can only help. If she doesn’t notice or care, you have a real problem. Let her leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her a hall pass.

The novelty of sex with someone new will revive her interest in sex with you.

It sounds counter intuitive but it really does work that way.

And validates her already held belief he isn't man enough for her to deserve sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 years old. My wife gets how, if I have to go without I become one ornery bastard

Wow what a rut she is in. She knows she has to do the duty sex to keep her life style, but no doubt hopes to be a young widow.

You think she is just entitled to her lifestyle? That when you marry it's his job to ensure your lifestyle to keep you happy and her job, well whatever she feels like? Maybe you entitled slave owner viewpoint is the root of most marriage problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think people have regular sex all through their lives like in their 80s? Men start getting ED starting in their 40s. Women go through menopause. Ask your doctor. What OP is describing is pretty common and normal.

Your marriage WILL change at some point and that's in many areas. You don't throw it away just because of 1 thing. OP does have a good marriage. Sometimes it's get's old, maybe she's not attracted that way to him anymore, possibly she'd rather be doing other things. Hard to say, but as you age you're not necessarily attracted to a "old" partner though you may be old. If I'm 70 I sure as heck still don't want to shag a 70 year old. Not even duty shagging, lol.

OP I think you are giving it too much importance at your age. Many on here are miserable and probably never had a long term relationship. Once you get into your 50's your big concern is your health holding out, and living to enjoy your grand-kids.

No he doesn't. You define a good marriage as one where one person feels unwanted and rejected? You have some strange views on things. You must be a woman. There is no lengths women wont go to in order to justify their "feels" regardless of who it hurts or who they are using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a wife that doesn't get sex. He has zero interest in sex. He's a great partner otherwise, cooks, cleans, takes care of me and the family in all ways. Celebrates anniversaries, bdays, valentines day, surprises me with getaways, treats, flowers, nice dinners at home (he's a great cook) and fancy dinners out, he does projects at home, is a great provider, is not a slob. We cuddle, we kiss, we say we love each other, we are best friends, but sex is non existent. He has no interest in sex. So, this is the life I accept. If he didn't do all that he does AND no sex, then forget it. If this is the balance that I have to live with, then I will. I have not gained weight. I am in better shape than I've ever been, I go to the gym, yoga, craft, garden, play golf, run (we play golf and run together), I'm 46 and get hit on by 33 year olds when I am out with my girlfriends. I know I'm attractive and I can get some side sex if I want it. I also make 6 figures and know that I CAN be fine on my own. I choose this life now and am happy with it. You have to weigh the pro's/con's of every situation and decide what is carries more weight of importance with you. I'm not going to break up my family because I want to get laid. I can take care of that on my own, and do so several times a week.

Is he attractive? Why doesn’t he want to have sex?

He's still completely hot. I'm still completely hot. He has zero drive, and zero desire to change his drive. He's never been a high drive person, but he was at one point down for once a week sex (I prefer 3-4 times a week). He's 52, but acts like he's 70 as far as goes to bed by 9p every night (in his pj' on the couch relaxing for the night by 8pm. He needs 9-10 hrs of sleep each night. Yes he likes dinner by 5p daily

Most guys like that, bed early, need a lot of sleep low drive have the t-levels of a 60 year old woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do manage to get her in the sack, you need to give her the experience of a lifetime. I mean a full on hour of making her feel more satisfied than she ever has. That’ll cure your dilema, bro.

No she will just say sh*t this takes too long and really lose interest. Remember the average American woman thinks they deserve to have the top 1% of men. They are for the large part mental. This is mentality is uniquely to American females.

Well, she can fantasize about whatever or whoever she wants as long as I’m the one in the physical moment. Guys do this too. But I doubt women ever fantasize about guys doing chores. There is some truth, maybe, to the notion that if a woman is too comfy with her DH she’ll respect him less.

Not some truth, it is true. "Faithfulness" and stability are found in study after study to be on the least arousing traits to females. Loves doing the dishes is nowhere to be found but, aggression, dominance, arrogance, powerful are always at the top. Also nothing breaks up the "comfy" level and revives her like the thought another woman may want her man or anything else she has for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

[Anonymous]

If you’re wife isn’t having sex with you she feels no connection to you and most of all has no respect for you. In her eyes you’re not worthy to her. Woman have an innate ability to classify males as ones they want to sleep with and others they keep around as friends. The friends don’t stand a chance and are usually just obiters that hover around and hope they can get some action. They never do.

If you’re a husband who isn’t having sex you’re classified as one of them. Just s little above or below her brothers. She loves you probably, she just doesn’t view you as mating material to put it simply. It’s rare that a woman loses her desire for sex all together, it’s just sexual with you. You don’t think for one second given the opportunity to sleep with an attractive fit man and not get caught is an option she wouldn’t do it? Absolutely she would. And if she’s not having sex with you there’s a danger of that happening. Desire isn’t negotiable - you can’t talk your way into her getting that for you.

Do what others have said, work on and improve yourself. Get in shape, work out, find a social circle to hang out with and make time for yourself and going out. Start doing activities where the likelihood of meeting attractive women increased. Take a salsa class, women love a man who can dance. Chat women upnand flirt. Change your wardrobe. Get clothes that fit well and show off your physical strengths. Have big arms? Wear polo shorts that enhance your arms. If your slimmer, buy slim fit or modern fit shirts. Get the proper pants size so they’re not too big or long. Drop the white sneakers and get a couple of pairs of shoes that are stylish and comfortable. Black and brown. Match belt and shoes. Take pride in your appearance and dress nice, not talking suits every day, but your casual wear. How do you feel when you meet a slob? You don’t want to judge but we do, and women in particular do.

That’s my advice, at this point if she gets mad at you for going out with friends, taking time for yourself what is she going to do? Get mad and withdraw sex? Well that’s no longer a bargaining chip so do what you want. If you initiate - and I hope you at least try - it won’t turn out successfully all the time. Say ok, then go off and do something you need to do. I try to initiate in the morning, wife says no I’m out to the gym. I was probably going to go anyways but hey, now I get there earlier. Something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, she's bored with having sex with you. She still loves you, but after the 2,000th time of having sex with you, it's a chore, not a pleasure. It's not your fault, it's nothing personal. Men always trumpet about how they need variety, blah blah blah, but in fact science has shown that monogamy is more difficult for women, because we have reactive sexual response--something needs to trigger us to want to have sex, rather than just an innate desire (which men have thanks to testosterone). As her husband, you are like her favorite pair of sweatpants--comfortable, familiar, beloved, but not sexy or exciting.

You are probably right she is bored. Stability bores women, in fact everything they typically say they want in a man is a lie in sexual terms. The most arousing traits in men in study after study are all dominate, aggressive and self-centered traits. Science has not shown "monogamy is more difficult for women", not even close, it has shown women use sex to win approval or secure what they want and as validation. Feeling a man wont leave and is 100% faithful (ironically a trait among the least sexually attractive according to women) is boring, no need for desire. "we have reactive sexual response--something needs to trigger us to want to have sex" yes like wanting to secure attention, loyalty, validation or.................. another woman may take your man. Women want what they think other women want because ultimately they hate each other. More like petulant children than logical adults.

Not it at all. Women are about stability, and family...less about the man. Having to keep the man child happy is part of that deal. Many know they have to walk the walk to get what they want. Once women get older they tire of having to keep the child satisfied, and pretending becomes harder.
It's not the man they fear will leave. It's the instability and life style that can be negatively affected.

It is absolutely true. You didnt address the post at all. In fact rather than refute it you just validated everything the redpillers say, the funny part is you wrote as if you think its a positive or somehow noble. if you need a "man child" for stability and to maintain a lifestyle it speaks volumes about you in terms of your judgement and ability not to mention being simply a user of people. Nothing noble there, in fact, you sound pathetic. You really have to who*e yourself for stability and a lifestyle? Talk about being a child, daddy has to take care of you.

The truth of the matter is women are really like petulant children whos "feels" control most of their lives. I should point out that this is a uniquely American woman trait, the self-importance, overblown sense of value, entitled to be taken care of be someone who in their delusional hampster mind they see as inferior. The concept of mutual appreciation is foreign to people like you. The real irony is most are fat, not particularly smart, whine a lot compared to women in the rest of world.
if you doubt what I wrote, re-read you post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re wife isn’t having sex with you she feels no connection to you and most of all has no respect for you. In her eyes you’re not worthy to her. Woman have an innate ability to classify males as ones they want to sleep with and others they keep around as friends. The friends don’t stand a chance and are usually just obiters that hover around and hope they can get some action. They never do.

If you’re a husband who isn’t having sex you’re classified as one of them. Just s little above or below her brothers. She loves you probably, she just doesn’t view you as mating material to put it simply. It’s rare that a woman loses her desire for sex all together, it’s just sexual with you. You don’t think for one second given the opportunity to sleep with an attractive fit man and not get caught is an option she wouldn’t do it? Absolutely she would. And if she’s not having sex with you there’s a danger of that happening. Desire isn’t negotiable - you can’t talk your way into her getting that for you.

Do what others have said, work on and improve yourself. Get in shape, work out, find a social circle to hang out with and make time for yourself and going out. Start doing activities where the likelihood of meeting attractive women increased. Take a salsa class, women love a man who can dance. Chat women upnand flirt. Change your wardrobe. Get clothes that fit well and show off your physical strengths. Have big arms? Wear polo shorts that enhance your arms. If your slimmer, buy slim fit or modern fit shirts. Get the proper pants size so they’re not too big or long. Drop the white sneakers and get a couple of pairs of shoes that are stylish and comfortable. Black and brown. Match belt and shoes. Take pride in your appearance and dress nice, not talking suits every day, but your casual wear. How do you feel when you meet a slob? You don’t want to judge but we do, and women in particular do.

That’s my advice, at this point if she gets mad at you for going out with friends, taking time for yourself what is she going to do? Get mad and withdraw sex? Well that’s no longer a bargaining chip so do what you want. If you initiate - and I hope you at least try - it won’t turn out successfully all the time. Say ok, then go off and do something you need to do. I try to initiate in the morning, wife says no I’m out to the gym. I was probably going to go anyways but hey, now I get there earlier. Something like that.

Good advice. (although I think the word connection is a bs word for the tingles.) You are right, once the sex chip is gone she has no real hand to play in steering the relationship to where she wants it to go.

[Anonymous]

This forum is a cesspool of the miserable.

That said I feel bad for OP. Only a jerk cuts their husbandoff (and you ladies who married guys you weren’t attracted to or into sleeping with wtf is wrong with you?)

I’d suggest working on yourself, telling wifey you don’t want a sexless marriage and give it a timetable for improvement. Ask her for suggestions. But don’t wait around forever if there’s not progress fairly soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is a cesspool of the miserable.

That said I feel bad for OP. Only a jerk cuts their husbandoff (and you ladies who married guys you weren’t attracted to or into sleeping with wtf is wrong with you?)

I’d suggest working on yourself, telling wifey you don’t want a sexless marriage and give it a timetable for improvement. Ask her for suggestions. But don’t wait around forever if there’s not progress fairly soon.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, she's bored with having sex with you. She still loves you, but after the 2,000th time of having sex with you, it's a chore, not a pleasure. It's not your fault, it's nothing personal. Men always trumpet about how they need variety, blah blah blah, but in fact science has shown that monogamy is more difficult for women, because we have reactive sexual response--something needs to trigger us to want to have sex, rather than just an innate desire (which men have thanks to testosterone). As her husband, you are like her favorite pair of sweatpants--comfortable, familiar, beloved, but not sexy or exciting.

You are probably right she is bored. Stability bores women, in fact everything they typically say they want in a man is a lie in sexual terms. The most arousing traits in men in study after study are all dominate, aggressive and self-centered traits. Science has not shown "monogamy is more difficult for women", not even close, it has shown women use sex to win approval or secure what they want and as validation. Feeling a man wont leave and is 100% faithful (ironically a trait among the least sexually attractive according to women) is boring, no need for desire. "we have reactive sexual response--something needs to trigger us to want to have sex" yes like wanting to secure attention, loyalty, validation or.................. another woman may take your man. Women want what they think other women want because ultimately they hate each other. More like petulant children than logical adults.

Not it at all. Women are about stability, and family...less about the man. Having to keep the man child happy is part of that deal. Many know they have to walk the walk to get what they want. Once women get older they tire of having to keep the child satisfied, and pretending becomes harder. It's not the man they fear will leave. It's the instability and life style that can be negatively affected.

No they hit menopause and become biologically irrelevant. They no longer serve a biological purpose, your self life expired. Hormonally sex with you is like putting racing stripes on a Yugo. Sure it might be fun but whats the point, your uterus is like a dried up bota bag with lifeless dead prunes for ovaries. From natures view point you are a waste of sperm. You should be glad he is the adult and compassionate enough to keep a relic like you, there is no real up side to making sure you have stability and sustain your life style.
Have a good evening.

[Anonymous]

Women are worthless after 45, from a traditional male perspective. I divorced mien at 48 (I was 46) and my life turned back into technicolor. Currently living with a 32 year old and couldn't be happier.