He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Op - switch it around.
If you went to the gym every morning and had a male personal trainer working with you would your DH be upset? Would you be mad at DH for being upset for no good reason other than your gym trainer was a guy?

I think you're reading too much into it? There's been no evidence of an affair - you say DH is loving, reassuring, good dad, etc.

Is she from the south, by chance? Those women tend to say things like "gorgeous, honey, sweet heart" casually without any real meaning behind it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a female friend at work who he talks to often, has lunch with often, etc. She's much younger, and is beautiful. I have no problem with it.

But if I ever saw a text from her that called him gorgeous, I would flip my s**t.

Probably nothing is happening, but she definitely wants HIM to want HER. And he probably likes the attention.

It's possible you are correct. I wouldnt use the word 'definitely'. OP comments about weight loss and how good DH looks since he took this up. It sounds like he had hit that mid-life hurdle when things slow down and weight comes on. He may have been discussing doing something about it at home and at work. That could be how they came to run together and it could be her encouraging and praising his hard work. So while it certainly could be a sign she's attracted to him, it's not out of the question that the comment was innocent.

[Anonymous]

OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

[Anonymous]

I think it would be different if OP wanted him to stop running with the friend so OP could run with him and they could have some bonding time. But OP just wants him to stop running with his running buddy. Some people need a buddy to keep up momentum. If he can’t do it alone, and stops running and gains the weight back, will OP continue being attracted to DH (after having seen how good he can look if he puts in the effort and keep having sex? Or will we be reading another post about how her DH is awesome but has gained 20 lbs since he quit running, and she isn’t attracted to him anymore in a year or two?

And for those of you saying “trust your gut,” did you read the OP’s follow up about how she’s paranoid about cheating because her mom cheated and scarred her for life? That she doesn’t trust any partner not to cheat, even without cause, because of her parents’ relationship? That she freely admits her DH is understanding and tolerates more distrust from her than she would tolerate? Those details matter too.

[Anonymous]

Good for the two of you and sounds like he is indeed a great husband !

[Anonymous]

Guessing she’s his motivation—muse, I dare say—to get up and run. Take the cute blonde (she’s pretty by his admission, it seems) out of the picture and watch the pounds come back on. He’s putting you in a tough spot. I’d start researching divorce law and lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard no, OP. I'm not the jealous, insecure type at all. My DH and I have been married 30 years. It's less about what your DH's intentions are and all about the situation. People who have been married for a long time understand that everyone feels temptation at some point. You protect your marriage by avoiding situations that could lead to an affair. There is nothing wrong with a guy having a female running buddy. Running 5 days a week together? Red flag. Inappropriate texts? Another red flag. I would be honest. Tell your DH you are uncomfortable. And remember, your intuition is rarely wrong. That's thousands and thousands of years of instinct that you are tapping into. You should always pay attention to that gut feeling.

+1
I'have been married for 21 years and I would never let my husband do this. run with her on occasion, sure, but 5-6 times a week - NO WAy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

OP, that's a great outcome. Also, it sounds like he was also feeling that she was a potential problem so it's good you brought it up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

You swallowed his bs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

You swallowed his bs?

He probably peeped DCUM before coming home from lunch and prepped his response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok. He's a committed father, loving husband, leaves his phone around and is willing to talk about it. If any of that changes, then maybe I'd get worried.

I agree with this. But full disclosure, I don't see cheating as a cataclysmic event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

That sounded a bit too easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE.
Does everyone want to know how this turned out?

He came home for lunch and I told him I wanted to talk about the situation again. Because of all of your helpful posts, you gave me the confidence to tell him I didn't like him running with her so often and that I called Pacers and found a running group that he could join two days a week at 5am. I even mentioned seeing her text "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!"

He smiled at me and said, "No problem. You are the most important thing in my life. She is the type of person that just gets really close to crossing the line of inappropriateness. If you want me to stop running with her, then done. She was just the only person that would reliably show up every...single...morning and run with me and kept me motivated but it's not worth it if you're uncomfortable. Will you please start running with me? We'll figure out what to do with the kids that early. And if you can't run that far, you can ride your bike or just stop early and I'll keep going. Even better if you could come with me to this running group."

DC Urban Moms...thank you very much!! I'm feeling A LOT better and I guess I'm going to start running now!

Hallelujah!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, he seems like a such a good guy you should give him a hall pass so he can bang her a couple of times