Marriage without sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she's cheating. I haven't had sex in over a year, neither of us are interested. Still enjoy life together though, and neither one of us is looking to destroy our marriage by cheating.

Your marriage is destroyed. You are roommates.

Why is everyone so melodramatic? OP, do some fun, new things with your wife. Sometimes people just get bored.

no it does not matter if you do the laundry, or take care of the kids, or take her out to dinner, or do something different. she doesnt care about the marriage. You are not that important to her. been there, get out now. there are other women that will actively take part in a marriage.

It really is that simple, she doesn't care about the marriage OR has zero respect for you. Therapy wont work, you cant "therapy" someone into respect or caring. The only thing that may is if it becomes apparent to her that he is willing to leave or if she sense another woman is a threat because she may be interested in him.

Respect and caring are not the problem. She probably actually does respect and care for him. She doesn't desire him, however. (She would say, as the classic phrase goes, "I love you but I'm not in love with you".) You can't therapy her into desiring you, either, so don't waste your time with that.

The only solution is for him to become much more attractive. Lift, dress better, re-learn how to flirt with women (and practice this on wife). She'll think he has the option to leave her for another woman; this will either cause her desire for him to increase, in which case deadbedroom problem solved, or it won't, and he can pull the plug on her and get another woman, in which case deadbedroom problem also solved.

[Anonymous]

I would advise marriage counseling w/someone who’s specialty is dealing w/couples + sexual incompatibility.

[Anonymous]

Read the book "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski http://www.wbur.org/radioboston/2015/03/12/emily-nagoski

[Anonymous]

Here we go yet again! Let me summarize the million other sexless marriage threads (both DCUM and Reddit deadbedrooms) for you into the following options:
1) accept it: this NEVER works (unless you too are abnormally asexual?)
2) open marriage: this would be a great option if you were the woman, nonetheless it could possibly work if you actually enjoy being her platonic roommate and you have enough looks/game to find outside action while married
3) move on: there's a million women in DC who understand that a romantic relationship includes sex, leave your sexless wife and go find one of those
4) ultimatum: she might enjoy all the benefits you provide as a husband enough to "find" her libido after you tell her (point blank, no tiptoeing around the issue) that no sex = relationship dealbreaker. Spell out exactly what your needs are, she is free to decide if she wants to remain married to you, this includes a normal sex life.

Reading your posts, I sense that you are a "nice guy" who does not lift weights. That eliminates options 2 and 4, leaving option 3 as the most viable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here we go yet again! Let me summarize the million other sexless marriage threads (both DCUM and Reddit deadbedrooms) for you into the following options:
1) accept it: this NEVER works (unless you too are abnormally asexual?)
2) open marriage: this would be a great option if you were the woman, nonetheless it could possibly work if you actually enjoy being her platonic roommate and you have enough looks/game to find outside action while married
3) move on: there's a million women in DC who understand that a romantic relationship includes sex, leave your sexless wife and go find one of those
4) ultimatum: she might enjoy all the benefits you provide as a husband enough to "find" her libido after you tell her (point blank, no tiptoeing around the issue) that no sex = relationship dealbreaker. Spell out exactly what your needs are, she is free to decide if she wants to remain married to you, this includes a normal sex life.

Reading your posts, I sense that you are a "nice guy" who does not lift weights. That eliminates options 2 and 4, leaving option 3 as the most viable.

But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women. Guys underestimate how often wives cheat. I really think that has to be factored in. Not here, perhaps, but it has to be part of any deadbedroom discussion.

[Anonymous]

Do you even lift, bro?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you even lift, bro?

Not the op, but yes, I do. Reasonably, not foolishly. Having a good body at 41 with good bank is my insurance plan. If my wife cheats on me or goes dead bedroom, I’m out of the marriage in an instant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here we go yet again! Let me summarize the million other sexless marriage threads (both DCUM and Reddit deadbedrooms) for you into the following options:
1) accept it: this NEVER works (unless you too are abnormally asexual?)
2) open marriage: this would be a great option if you were the woman, nonetheless it could possibly work if you actually enjoy being her platonic roommate and you have enough looks/game to find outside action while married
3) move on: there's a million women in DC who understand that a romantic relationship includes sex, leave your sexless wife and go find one of those
4) ultimatum: she might enjoy all the benefits you provide as a husband enough to "find" her libido after you tell her (point blank, no tiptoeing around the issue) that no sex = relationship dealbreaker. Spell out exactly what your needs are, she is free to decide if she wants to remain married to you, this includes a normal sex life.

Reading your posts, I sense that you are a "nice guy" who does not lift weights. That eliminates options 2 and 4, leaving option 3 as the most viable.

But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women. Guys underestimate how often wives cheat. I really think that has to be factored in. Not here, perhaps, but it has to be part of any deadbedroom discussion.

Ton's of divorced women in DC who want a man in their life: sex is their relationship currency. Any guy (who isn't a total loser) can easily date his way into sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women.

LOL, that's easily solved with a two-step program:
1. Stop being "nice"
2. Start lifting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women.

LOL, that's easily solved with a two-step program:
1. Stop being "nice"
2. Start lifting

Woman here. You guys do whatever you want and bro it up but I am not attracted to guys who “lift.” I associate guys who lift with gay guys. Anybody too toned = gay and/or vain. Just sayin’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she's cheating. I haven't had sex in over a year, neither of us are interested. Still enjoy life together though, and neither one of us is looking to destroy our marriage by cheating.

Your marriage is destroyed. You are roommates.

Sorry to say this is true. Do you want to keeping living like this?

[Anonymous]

Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm a wife that doesn't get sex. He has zero interest in sex. He's a great partner otherwise, cooks, cleans, takes care of me and the family in all ways. Celebrates anniversaries, bdays, valentines day, surprises me with getaways, treats, flowers, nice dinners at home (he's a great cook) and fancy dinners out, he does projects at home, is a great provider, is not a slob. We cuddle, we kiss, we say we love each other, we are best friends, but sex is non existent. He has no interest in sex. So, this is the life I accept. If he didn't do all that he does AND no sex, then forget it. If this is the balance that I have to live with, then I will. I have not gained weight. I am in better shape than I've ever been, I go to the gym, yoga, craft, garden, play golf, run (we play golf and run together), I'm 46 and get hit on by 33 year olds when I am out with my girlfriends. I know I'm attractive and I can get some side sex if I want it. I also make 6 figures and know that I CAN be fine on my own. I choose this life now and am happy with it. You have to weigh the pro's/con's of every situation and decide what is carries more weight of importance with you. I'm not going to break up my family because I want to get laid. I can take care of that on my own, and do so several times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a wife that doesn't get sex. He has zero interest in sex. He's a great partner otherwise, cooks, cleans, takes care of me and the family in all ways. Celebrates anniversaries, bdays, valentines day, surprises me with getaways, treats, flowers, nice dinners at home (he's a great cook) and fancy dinners out, he does projects at home, is a great provider, is not a slob. We cuddle, we kiss, we say we love each other, we are best friends, but sex is non existent. He has no interest in sex. So, this is the life I accept. If he didn't do all that he does AND no sex, then forget it. If this is the balance that I have to live with, then I will. I have not gained weight. I am in better shape than I've ever been, I go to the gym, yoga, craft, garden, play golf, run (we play golf and run together), I'm 46 and get hit on by 33 year olds when I am out with my girlfriends. I know I'm attractive and I can get some side sex if I want it. I also make 6 figures and know that I CAN be fine on my own. I choose this life now and am happy with it. You have to weigh the pro's/con's of every situation and decide what is carries more weight of importance with you. I'm not going to break up my family because I want to get laid. I can take care of that on my own, and do so several times a week.

Is he attractive? Why doesn’t he want to have sex?