Marriage without sex

[Anonymous]

My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We have two kids. We have a good marriage in all respects except one: we very rarely have sex anymore, because she very rarely wants to. I still love her very much, in the romantic/sexual meaning of the word, but I think it's fair to say my wife loves me only as her partner in raising kids. Not that she's said it in so many words. But she doesn't have to. We've talked about the sex issue a bunch of times, but it's never gotten us anywhere, and now I'm all talked out. At this point it's just embarrassing to have to bring it up. I think she would be hurt very much if I had an affair, and I don't want to do that to her. So what do I do? Is there anyone out there with experience making a marriage like this work somehow?

[Anonymous]

she's cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

bro, she's cheating on you and checked out of your marriage. Been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

You need to work your way out of this rut. Be direct. Say what you reasonably think should be happening as part of a normal, healthy marriage. Do you suspect she’s cheating?

[Anonymous]

Is she or was she ever attractive? Weight gain/body issues could be a factor. Does she talk about other guys a lot? Try to up the numbers gradually, from, say, once a week to twice. It’s hell, man, I know. But it can get better.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's cheating. I haven't had sex in over a year, neither of us are interested. Still enjoy life together though, and neither one of us is looking to destroy our marriage by cheating.

[Anonymous]

When was the last time you had sex?

[Anonymous]

The cheating thing is unclear. Sometimes cheaters become more sexually voracious with their spouses.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe she is cheating. You people are trash,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We have two kids. We have a good marriage in all respects except one: we very rarely have sex anymore, because she very rarely wants to. I still love her very much, in the romantic/sexual meaning of the word, but I think it's fair to say my wife loves me only as her partner in raising kids. Not that she's said it in so many words. But she doesn't have to. We've talked about the sex issue a bunch of times, but it's never gotten us anywhere, and now I'm all talked out. At this point it's just embarrassing to have to bring it up. I think she would be hurt very much if I had an affair, and I don't want to do that to her. So what do I do? Is there anyone out there with experience making a marriage like this work somehow?

Then you don't have a good marriage. Thats how everyone of these stories starts. The "talk about" is b.s. no one "talks" their dead bedroom back to life, neither does the stupid do more housework, do more for her, none of that works. You are right she views you as the kids father and a source of stability, security and consistency. Stable nice guys are boring she doesn't think you would have the balls to leave or cheat, hence she doesn't respect you. Be nice, be civil, continue being a good father but do not make everything about her or have your life revolve around her. Dont treat anniversary or Valentines day like such a big deal becasue it isnt anymore, you arent going to nice her into sex. Work on yourself, pick up a hobby, go to the gym in short make the best version of you that you can. Or alternatively stop the bs sex talk, it will just be seen as weak and pathetic like you are begging. If you say anything it should be that you didnt sign up to be a priest, or take a roommate a sexless marriage is not an option and will not continue and lave it at that. Dont beg, dont logic dont explain you've done that. Let it sink in that your are not a piece of furnitute that doesnt need require anything. Intersting studies and survey all show the least attractive traits in a man are the opposite of what she would likely tell you, "nice", faithfull (yes faithfullness is one of the least sexy traits) smiling..most attraive traits (sexual) aggressive, dominiate, arrogant, self-centered. I am not saying to try and act like that but dony enbody push over.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think she's cheating. I think she just doesn't want to have sex with me. And we're still both reasonably attractive. We're not movie stars but nobody's gained a ton of weight or suddenly become ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she's cheating. I haven't had sex in over a year, neither of us are interested. Still enjoy life together though, and neither one of us is looking to destroy our marriage by cheating.

Your marriage is destroyed. You are roommates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she's cheating on you.

no , women do not need sex. just read these discussion boards. look at any porn site, not women driven. look at any asian massage parlor , not women driven. you just are unlucky , trade her in and get a new one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't think she's cheating. I think she just doesn't want to have sex with me. And we're still both reasonably attractive. We're not movie stars but nobody's gained a ton of weight or suddenly become ugly.

I don't think she's cheating either but go to therapy. She should also see her doctor and check her hormones. Life is too long to live it sexless for no good reason. If she balks at therapy you need to impress upon her that it's important to you and the issue isn't just going to go away, and just cause you don't nag her about it doesn't mean you are alright with the status quo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she's cheating. I haven't had sex in over a year, neither of us are interested. Still enjoy life together though, and neither one of us is looking to destroy our marriage by cheating.

Your marriage is destroyed. You are roommates.

Why is everyone so melodramatic? OP, do some fun, new things with your wife. Sometimes people just get bored.