Should I tell my wife that I got the OW pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I put ruined in air quotes because I think saying ruined is a bit dramatic. She's still young and beautiful and has time to find another man and remarry and have another baby somewhere down the line.

You are such a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No seriously OP - DON'T marry OW for at least 3 years. Wait and see. Trust me.

This. The honey moon phase will end in 18 mos. SD will be six and able to express her wants and needs. If new baby isn't aborted, he or she will be a terrible two. It will be interesting to see how OP feels about OW then. Because there's an endless supply of cute, fresh-faced young women who aren't exhausted caring for your child and will happily giggle at your jokes.

[Anonymous]

Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high. Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it. Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage. People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days. For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously. Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy. If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think the OW is going to want your first kid around? Especially when she has her new baby? I feel bad for your first kid?

She's looking forward to being a new mom and a stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high. Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it. Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage. People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days. For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously. Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy. If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families.

This marriage will be different. I've learned from my mistakes the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, for God's sake....this child is a toddler. It is not going to be confusing or weird for the toddler, because the toddler won't remember anything different. She is going to grow up in a world in which her parents were always apart and she always spent part of her time in each house.

I grew up in a divorced family. It isn't that bad. It was certainly much better than my parents living together.

Not everybody gets a Leave to Beaver experience for their family. Despite that, most people do well.

There are many ways that toddlers perceive and grieve loss. It doesn't look like how a preschool does it. Get a degree in child psychology before you speak on this very sensitive topic.

So dramatic!

This toddler will be fine, unless a crazy person like you fills her head with how evil her father is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high. Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it. Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage. People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days. For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously. Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy. If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families.

This marriage will be different. I've learned from my mistakes the first time.

Oh OP, be honest with yourself. You haven't learned anything, it's just that you get to start fresh. Learning from your mistakes in marriage means owning them, owning your vows, and fixing the marriage, or at least repairing it enough that you split on different terms, rather than lies and a pregnant OW.

You like yr mistakes because they make you feel desirable and in control. And in that, yr second marriage is likely to fail for the same reasons. Not maybe because of an OW, but the same REASON.

[Anonymous]

^10:11 : not sure why iPad is correcting to yr today ... It's "your"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high. Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it. Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage. People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days. For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously. Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy. If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families.

This marriage will be different. I've learned from my mistakes the first time.

Oh OP, be honest with yourself. You haven't learned anything, it's just that you get to start fresh. Learning from your mistakes in marriage means owning them, owning your vows, and fixing the marriage, or at least repairing it enough that you split on different terms, rather than lies and a pregnant OW.

You like yr mistakes because they make you feel desirable and in control. And in that, yr second marriage is likely to fail for the same reasons. Not maybe because of an OW, but the same REASON.

I've owned my mistakes. We were already splitting before wife had confirmation about the affair and she doesn't know the OW is pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, for God's sake....this child is a toddler. It is not going to be confusing or weird for the toddler, because the toddler won't remember anything different. She is going to grow up in a world in which her parents were always apart and she always spent part of her time in each house.

I grew up in a divorced family. It isn't that bad. It was certainly much better than my parents living together.

Not everybody gets a Leave to Beaver experience for their family. Despite that, most people do well.

There are many ways that toddlers perceive and grieve loss. It doesn't look like how a preschool does it. Get a degree in child psychology before you speak on this very sensitive topic.

So dramatic!

This toddler will be fine, unless a crazy person like you fills her head with how evil her father is

I don't think OP is evil. And parents don't have to be evil for their young kids to suffer emotionally from parental choices. I do recommend you read up about grief and stress in the 0-3 years. I divorced with a newborn so I know the desire to believe the child won't even notice. It's alarming the impact of adult dysfunction on their developing minds. In my case, I left because of a mentally and abusive spouse. I didn't assume life would automatically be all sunshine and lollipops for the little one. We did years of family therapy. And my kid is well adjusted as a result when I compare her to some kids in my support group (both men and women) who thought the kids would be just fine without adult help. No rage tantrums, no potty training issues, straight As, etcetera. All three adults in this situation need to acknowledge a huge hole was been ripped in DD's life. Her parents need to help her navigate her new normal and the feelings she experiences.

[Anonymous]

Fake post. OP doesn't sound like a guy. He doesn't write like he really cheated. I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I put ruined in air quotes because I think saying ruined is a bit dramatic. She's still young and beautiful and has time to find another man and remarry and have another baby somewhere down the line.

Because being a single mom is soooo easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fake post. OP doesn't sound like a guy. He doesn't write like he really cheated. I call troll.

Agreed, it has all the DCUM Relationship Forum hot issues except he isn't questioning his sexuality. A+ for effort.

[Anonymous]

I certainly hope that if you live in a state where your STB ex-w can sue your AP for monetary damages for ending her marriage, she does and gets every penny possible from you AND your AP.

You are a D!ck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high. Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it. Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage. People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days. For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously. Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy. If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families.

This marriage will be different. I've learned from my mistakes the first time.

Oh OP, be honest with yourself. You haven't learned anything, it's just that you get to start fresh. Learning from your mistakes in marriage means owning them, owning your vows, and fixing the marriage, or at least repairing it enough that you split on different terms, rather than lies and a pregnant OW.

You like yr mistakes because they make you feel desirable and in control. And in that, yr second marriage is likely to fail for the same reasons. Not maybe because of an OW, but the same REASON.

I've owned my mistakes. We were already splitting before wife had confirmation about the affair and she doesn't know the OW is pregnant.

OP, you haven't owned your mistakes, though. Hence the title of this thread. Your wife doesn't know that you got this woman pregnant. She deserves to have that information, even if you think it's not relevant because you were already planning to divorce.

I'm divorced, and if I found out that my ex had impregnated someone else while married to me, that would factor into what sort of custody I would want to push for. I would like to say that it wouldn't matter to me, because DD deserves to have a relationship with both of her parents, but if my ex demonstrated that his priorities were everywhere BUT with his (current) nuclear family, I would want primary custody as opposed to the joint custody that we have.

Even assuming the absolute best - that you and OW were meant to be in some cosmic sense and that things will be great now that you can be together - there will still be an adjustment period for all of you. Not just for your daughter and your wife, but for you and the OW. Your relationship, as real as it may have felt, is a fantasy. If you embark on a relationship now, you will need to deal with the real aspects of being in a relationship. It doesn't sound like you were very present and attached to your wife when she was bearing and birthing the child you already have. That experience is going to repeat now, with another woman, and with the added distraction of an older child and conflict with that child's mother. If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to pay VERY close attention to how you are treating this woman and baby. Marriages take work, as you know, and you didn't put in the work in your first marriage.

The odds are NOT in your favor, though, and they're even less in your favor the more you remain in denial.