Should I tell my wife that I got the OW pregnant?

[Anonymous]

As a parent I would lose a lot of sleep over having to send my toddler to live half of the time with a reckless, self-centered, irresponsible, immoral person. I wouldn't hire OW as a nanny and I'd sure as hell be pissed to suddenly have her as a parental figure for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shared legal is fine. 50/50 in a household with AP is not good. You have two possible scenarios:

1) AP resents that she just aborted her child to help you out. Do you think she will give a damn about being a nurturing stepmother for your DD.

Or

2) AP doesn't give a damn about aborting her own child. Why would she care about the child of her romantic rival?

If you want joint physical, don't marry OW or cohabitate for at least a year. You need to see how she's going to treat your vulnerable toddler. A three year old can't even full express some of the crap an angry or cold-hearted non-relative might pull.

OP, I don't know why this poster is talking about abortion. Aside from that, however, some good points are raised.

You MUST see how this woman is going to treat your toddler, and how your toddler will react to her, before you jump into a cohabitation scenario where your child will be living with this woman 50% of the time.

You even said yourself that you didn't spend much time with your wife while the affair was going on (so perhaps your child too?) -- so it is immensely unfair to divorce, then tear your 3 year old away from her mom half the time, to immediately go live with you and another woman.

Do you really not see how confusing and difficult that will be for your daughter? Perhaps the OW can stay in her residence now. You rent a separate apartment for the days when you have your daughter. When you don't have your daughter, you can live with the OW. This will give your daughter time to slowly adjust, and time to get to know the other woman before being forced to live with her.

[Anonymous]

Oh, for God's sake....this child is a toddler. It is not going to be confusing or weird for the toddler, because the toddler won't remember anything different. She is going to grow up in a world in which her parents were always apart and she always spent part of her time in each house.

I grew up in a divorced family. It isn't that bad. It was certainly much better than my parents living together.

Not everybody gets a Leave to Beaver experience for their family. Despite that, most people do well.

[Anonymous]

loser-- of course you should tell her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, for God's sake....this child is a toddler. It is not going to be confusing or weird for the toddler, because the toddler won't remember anything different. She is going to grow up in a world in which her parents were always apart and she always spent part of her time in each house.

I grew up in a divorced family. It isn't that bad. It was certainly much better than my parents living together.

Not everybody gets a Leave to Beaver experience for their family. Despite that, most people do well.

There are many ways that toddlers perceive and grieve loss. It doesn't look like how a preschool does it. Get a degree in child psychology before you speak on this very sensitive topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared legal is fine. 50/50 in a household with AP is not good. You have two possible scenarios:

1) AP resents that she just aborted her child to help you out. Do you think she will give a damn about being a nurturing stepmother for your DD.

Or

2) AP doesn't give a damn about aborting her own child. Why would she care about the child of her romantic rival?

If you want joint physical, don't marry OW or cohabitate for at least a year. You need to see how she's going to treat your vulnerable toddler. A three year old can't even full express some of the crap an angry or cold-hearted non-relative might pull.

OP, I don't know why this poster is talking about abortion. Aside from that, however, some good points are raised.

You MUST see how this woman is going to treat your toddler, and how your toddler will react to her, before you jump into a cohabitation scenario where your child will be living with this woman 50% of the time.

You even said yourself that you didn't spend much time with your wife while the affair was going on (so perhaps your child too?) -- so it is immensely unfair to divorce, then tear your 3 year old away from her mom half the time, to immediately go live with you and another woman.

Do you really not see how confusing and difficult that will be for your daughter? Perhaps the OW can stay in her residence now. You rent a separate apartment for the days when you have your daughter. When you don't have your daughter, you can live with the OW. This will give your daughter time to slowly adjust, and time to get to know the other woman before being forced to live with her.

DCUM is full of non-readers. People are advising OP to get OW to abort. Most AP pregnancies are aborted.

[Anonymous]

The question isn't whether a child can survive a divorce (yes).

The questions are (1) whether a good person sleeps with a married man who has a small child (for a year), gets pregnant, and then marries that man, which puts that child in a sudden divorce situation. (No). And (2) whether anyone would want a person like that in their child's life or recommend that a dear friend get involved with someone like that.

OWs are kidding themselves if they think their behavior is respectable. And OP is a scumbag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared legal is fine. 50/50 in a household with AP is not good. You have two possible scenarios:

1) AP resents that she just aborted her child to help you out. Do you think she will give a damn about being a nurturing stepmother for your DD.

Or

2) AP doesn't give a damn about aborting her own child. Why would she care about the child of her romantic rival?

If you want joint physical, don't marry OW or cohabitate for at least a year. You need to see how she's going to treat your vulnerable toddler. A three year old can't even full express some of the crap an angry or cold-hearted non-relative might pull.

Why would you think the ow would do something to the daughter? I'm an ow and I love his kid. I took care of the baby when the mother was in the hospital, but you all called me a troll.

Because OW already irrevocably damaged a small child's life. And so did you.

Oh please, the child doesn't even remember me.
Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was your wife pregnant when you got married? You mentioned that you got married because you both wanted to start a family....

No, she got pregnant a few months after we got married.

Too late for this time, but for NEXT time, please consider spending time with your next wife just as a couple before impregnating her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was your wife pregnant when you got married? You mentioned that you got married because you both wanted to start a family....

No, she got pregnant a few months after we got married.

Too late for this time, but for NEXT time, please consider spending time with your next wife just as a couple before impregnating her.

Oh I'm sure the wife had no say in this Where do you people get off?

OP, is 50/50 physical custody important to you? It's tends to be messy and complicates things unnecessarily. Agree to visitation, and raise your younger child full-time (since you're getting married anyway).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least wait until you know if it's a viable pregnancy. Are you planning to live with OW and raise this child?

Yes, it's only right that I marry her once my divorce is final.

You do realize that if you marry bc it is "right" bc she's pregnant then you will be getting another divorce soon. Don't marry her just for this. I'm guessing she got pregnant on purpose just for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Do you really think the OW is going to want your first kid around? Especially when she has her new baby? I feel bad for your first kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared legal is fine. 50/50 in a household with AP is not good. You have two possible scenarios:

1) AP resents that she just aborted her child to help you out. Do you think she will give a damn about being a nurturing stepmother for your DD.

Or

2) AP doesn't give a damn about aborting her own child. Why would she care about the child of her romantic rival?

If you want joint physical, don't marry OW or cohabitate for at least a year. You need to see how she's going to treat your vulnerable toddler. A three year old can't even full express some of the crap an angry or cold-hearted non-relative might pull.

Except OW doesn't want to abort the baby, which OP said somewhere around page 2. So what are you on about?

OP this all sounds a mess, but forget all this stuff about your toddler growing up hating you and so on. That isn't always the case. Many of the people here are weird.

+1
All of these extra dramatics do nothing for anyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least wait until you know if it's a viable pregnancy. Are you planning to live with OW and raise this child?

Yes, it's only right that I marry her once my divorce is final.

You do realize that if you marry bc it is "right" bc she's pregnant then you will be getting another divorce soon. Don't marry her just for this. I'm guessing she got pregnant on purpose just for this reason.

Must be nice to have a crystal ball!

[Anonymous]

No seriously OP - DON'T marry OW for at least 3 years. Wait and see. Trust me.