Reply to Should I tell my wife that I got the OW pregnant?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op people like you are why the divorce rate will remain high.  Jumping from one relationship to another and being real reckless about it.  Please get counseling for yourself and pre-marital counseling before you enter your next marriage.     People like you are the reason so many folks are looking down on marriage these days.  For people like you marriage really is just a piece of paper and nothing more.

Don't take vows again unless you plan to take them seriously.  Marriage takes work and it isn't always going to be easy peasy.  If you can't control your desire for other women just stay single and screw all the women you wan't instead of leaving a trail of broken families. [/quote]

[b]This marriage will be different. I've learned from my mistakes the first time[/b].[/quote]

Oh OP, be honest with yourself. You haven't learned anything, it's just that you get to start fresh. Learning from your mistakes in marriage means owning them, owning your vows, and fixing the marriage, or at least repairing it enough that you split on different terms, rather than lies and a pregnant OW.

You like yr mistakes because they make you feel desirable and in control. And in that, yr second marriage is likely to fail for the same reasons. Not maybe because of an OW, but the same REASON.

[/quote]

I've owned my mistakes. We were already splitting before wife had confirmation about the affair and she doesn't know the OW is pregnant.[/quote]

OP, you haven't owned your mistakes, though. Hence the title of this thread. Your wife doesn't know that you got this woman pregnant. She deserves to have that information, even if you think it's not relevant because you were already planning to divorce.

I'm divorced, and if I found out that my ex had impregnated someone else while married to me, that would factor into what sort of custody I would want to push for. I would like to say that it wouldn't matter to me, because DD deserves to have a relationship with both of her parents, but if my ex demonstrated that his priorities were everywhere BUT with his (current) nuclear family, I would want primary custody as opposed to the joint custody that we have.

Even assuming the absolute best - that you and OW were meant to be in some cosmic sense and that things will be great now that you can be together - there will still be an adjustment period for all of you. Not just for your daughter and your wife, but for you and the OW. Your relationship, as real as it may have felt, is a fantasy. If you embark on a relationship now, you will need to deal with the real aspects of being in a relationship. It doesn't sound like you were very present and attached to your wife when she was bearing and birthing the child you already have. That experience is going to repeat now, with another woman, and with the added distraction of an older child and conflict with that child's mother. If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to pay VERY close attention to how you are treating this woman and baby. Marriages take work, as you know, and you didn't put in the work in your first marriage.

The odds are NOT in your favor, though, and they're even less in your favor the more you remain in denial.[/quote]

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