3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

I have a 3.5 year old. He has an accident at least twice a week. So yes potty trained, but in reality not really. He was very resistant to using the potty until about 3, and he still is very resistant to it at home. He's really stubborn and is a difficult child. My other two kids were potty trained at 2. It really depends on the child. I think that like everything in life, you really shouldn't judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 3.5 year old. He has an accident at least twice a week. So yes potty trained, but in reality not really. He was very resistant to using the potty until about 3, and he still is very resistant to it at home. He's really stubborn and is a difficult child. My other two kids were potty trained at 2. It really depends on the child. I think that like everything in life, you really shouldn't judge.

The "environment" is never identical for any two children, contrary to common parental perception. This applies even to twins and triplets. I've seen this myself. Parents simply tend to believe they treat each child "the same". They don't, unless they're robots.

Human nature, as it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

Because it makes them feel better about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young 3 is one thing.

4 is another. There is no excuse for 4 unless it is medical.

+1

My kids were turning three before it stuck. My parents were horrified. Luckily, they attended high quality daycare centers where 3 was the cut off for diapers. I knew it would not go on forever.

I have friends who have 4 year olds in diapers and even 5-6 year olds who have to poop in a pull up. They insist there aren't any medical issues, just that the child is not ready. We took a long weekend vacation with a college friend whose twin 5 year olds were peeing in the potty at 2, but still pooping their pants. She thought this was normal (and in her social circle, it was), until she heard my 3 year old was out of disposables entirely.

[Anonymous]

We've lived abroad, in countries where kids are all "potty trained" by age 2. Know why? A nanny, parent or grandparent stayed by their side 24/7 waking them to the toilet every hour, listened to what they said immediately, and kept track of when they drank/ate.

Just a not feasible for two working parents, no round the clock help, more than one kid/baby/toddler and a busy life.

I believe it is a big commitment by the parents, childcare and kid in order to get trained. And even that first 6 months there are accidents during the day, naps or night.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young 3 is one thing.

4 is another. There is no excuse for 4 unless it is medical.

+1

My kids were turning three before it stuck. My parents were horrified. Luckily, they attended high quality daycare centers where 3 was the cut off for diapers. I knew it would not go on forever.

I have friends who have 4 year olds in diapers and even 5-6 year olds who have to poop in a pull up. They insist there aren't any medical issues, just that the child is not ready. We took a long weekend vacation with a college friend whose twin 5 year olds were peeing in the potty at 2, but still pooping their pants. She thought this was normal (and in her social circle, it was), until she heard my 3 year old was out of disposables entirely.

Sounds like a fun vacation,

[Anonymous]

I didn't push potty training on my son and he was trained by 3.5. He's 8 now and wears a pull up at night no big deal. My 2 year old is still in diapers. I'm doing the same with him and not forcing the potty. Less stress for everyone.

[Anonymous]

My DD would reliably pee (some accidents) at 2.5 and one day went and pooped in the potty. We switched her to undies and she proceeded to regularly poop in them. Eventually we back tracked to a pull-up. In August when she was 2 years and 10 months and going to a daycare that wanted her potty trained we tried bribery, three day method etc. She screamed bloody murder when we put her on the toilet and cried and cried and mostly avoided pooping those three days. We decided to back off and wait. At 3 years 1.5 months she looked at me and said "I don't wear a diaper anymore". The next day we had a 6 hour flight and I put her in a pull-up but she did fine. That was that - almost no daytime accidents and dry 6 out of 7 nights (still in a pull-up at night).

[Anonymous]

google encopresis. my nearly 6 year old has been on adult doses of laxatives for almost a year and still has weekly accidents. doctors I've talked to (and I've been to multiple gastros and psychologists recommend not potty training before 3). God forbid you ever have to deal with a mega colon caused by an kid who didn't want to stop playing and poop because he was potty trained at 21/2 when he was still too immature. Let them potty train at 31/2 and then never have to think about poop again in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:google encopresis. my nearly 6 year old has been on adult doses of laxatives for almost a year and still has weekly accidents. doctors I've talked to (and I've been to multiple gastros and psychologists recommend not potty training before 3). God forbid you ever have to deal with a mega colon caused by an kid who didn't want to stop playing and poop because he was potty trained at 21/2 when he was still too immature. Let them potty train at 31/2 and then never have to think about poop again in their lives.

and by them I mean parents. If your kid is fine, and potty trained, that means you don't have to think about poop. Then why are you?! For parents who do have to think about it (cause our kid has poop accidents three times a week) I can't imagine inventing time in my life to think about kid poop FOR FREGGIN FUN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't push potty training on my son and he was trained by 3.5. He's 8 now and wears a pull up at night no big deal. My 2 year old is still in diapers. I'm doing the same with him and not forcing the potty. Less stress for everyone.

Sounds pretty stress free right until he gets invited to a sleepover or someone sees his pull-ups. Kids actually get embarrassed by those things even if you don't feel weird about having a kid in diapers way past the norm. Do the kid a favor.

[Anonymous]

I am switching to cloth diapers to make sure this doesn't happen. That said, my nephew who had some emotional issues (tortured by other cousins) didn't potty train until he was 4. He blossomed when his cousins moved away--completely trained and started talking and interacting me.

[Anonymous]

*more not me.

[Anonymous]

God, this shit again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't push potty training on my son and he was trained by 3.5. He's 8 now and wears a pull up at night no big deal. My 2 year old is still in diapers. I'm doing the same with him and not forcing the potty. Less stress for everyone.

Sounds pretty stress free right until he gets invited to a sleepover or someone sees his pull-ups. Kids actually get embarrassed by those things even if you don't feel weird about having a kid in diapers way past the norm. Do the kid a favor.

He wears jammies at sleepovers. Wearing a pull up is no big deal for him I've never made it an issue. We don't live our lives to impress others or seek acceptance.