3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

Uhhh...you could've done the same thing. Told her she couldn't do something/go somewhere if she wore a diaper. Your point completely proves what this thread is about: parents just don't potty train their kids until they basically do it themselves.

Np here. The goal is to have them using a toilet, right? How possibly can you argue that one method is better than the other if they both result in a kid using the toilet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

You're projecting and sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

Why do you care what they think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

Lol. This made me laugh and you are so right. Parenthood is hard enough w/o such well meaning (but completely clueless) observations.

Focus on doing what is best for your child. Let others worry about their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

Why do you care what they think?

We all just care too darn much. Let's hold hands and sing kumbaya. But not if your kid isn't PT.

[Anonymous]

My son isn't 3 quite yet but he's had chronic constipation since he was a baby and is scared to go --- so potty training has been a dicey endeavor to say the least. The dr said to not even try again unless he's not constipated so we are majorly working on tackling that issue first (he's begun holding it out of fear of going). So, hope I'll have it done by early 3's but that's been our issue. Why do you care so much about other children unless it's affecting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

Incredible what can happen when children get clarity.

Right? PP, how is that her being stubborn vs you not setting rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

Wow, you are so presumptuous. I can assure you that (1) i understand cause and effect better than you; and (2) i know my child better than you do.

Just to give you a sense of her personality, let me tell you that earlier today we had a long conversation about MIT (my alma mater). She asked me what it was and after I explained, she declared (very seriously) that she will go there one day. And you know what? I believe that she will do it!

LOL, wtf does this have to do with anything? PP, you sound nutty (and I'm not the other poster).

[Anonymous]

My 3.5 yr old just pooped his pants, as he does every single day bc he refuses to sh*t on the potty. He's not constipated. He's not special needs. I SAH, I'm not lazy, I want nothing more than for him to be trained and I have spent countless weeks stuck in this house just trying to train him to use the potty. He yells, he screams, he says he's scared, re pees right in front of the potty in his pants. It's become a "thing," which is exactly what I didn't want it to become. He doesn't care if he goes in his pants, he can't be persuaded to go and I can't glue him to the potty and make him go. So here we are. Judge away!

[Anonymous]

I don't think that early training is the key. My son has been in some form of potty training since 16 months (regular sitdowns on the potty in daycare for a year plus). Zero effect, didn't even play with the potty. Started peeing in the potty at 2.5 years. Pooped in his pants till 3.5 years, we tried everything - bribes, underwear, shaming, praising, you name it. He just didn't want to do it. One day shortly after 3.5 he announced he is going to poop on the potty, went to the bathroom and did it. No accidents since then.

Looking back at it now, I can't believe how much stress I allowed this to cause me. Because believe me, two years later no one gives a damn when he potty trained, and even I don't anymore. This is a non-factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

You're projecting and sound unhinged.

Aren't you kind. What I sound like, and what I am, is a mom of a kid with significant but not-immediately-obvious special needs who frequently gets dirty looks and sometimes comments from strangers about his odd behavior, unusual sounds, messy eating, late potty training, whatever. I'm sure at least some of those people would be less rude if they knew he had special needs, but the solution is not for me to explain my child's condition to every busybody I see. Rather it is for people to stop being so judgmental about total strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mix of reasons. My friend tried introducing the toilet to her son since he was two but it wasn't working. Daycare staff tried without much luck for an entire year before seeing any progress. Later, the boy was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum but it wasn't immediately obvious that was the issue when it all started out.

Another friend just wasn't up for the task and said as much - said she didn't feel like dealing with the hassle of potty training and that kid was four, still in pull ups. The kid is a bit eccentric but no special needs that the mother has disclosed. She feels that modern parenting steals the joy of childhood from kids, or something like, so anything that would ask the kid to sit and do an assigned task - whether it's peeing or practicing writing with a pencil - is oppressive and bad. So she doesn't and she's arranged her whole personal life to accommodate this approach.

Hence, the (unintended?) creation of a special needs child, perhaps. You have to wonder what kind of childhood the mother had.

I'm sure this is a totally accurate description and not at all colored by your judgmental interpretation of her different parenting philosophy.

I'm the one you're bold quoting there and I'm pretty up front about the fact that I don't fully get it, thus my phrasing of "something like that" - I've heard enough to know that we're never going to eye to eye on these things, but we can be friends anyway, so I stopped asking why. I know she disapproves of some of my choices as well - like the brand of soap we use - and that's not a problem as far as I'm concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

And multiple posters have responded that you do not necessarily know if a kid has SN or not. As parents of kids with not-obvious SN we have no obligation to explain our kids' diagnoses to strangers. So you are going around making blanket judgments about kids who are not potty trained (or don't behave exactly as you think kids of their age should behave, or whatever), you are almost certainly judging some kids who have SNst. If you would stop judging others and just worry about your own life, you would avoid being a bad person who judges children with SN plus you'd have more time on your hands to do something positive with yourself. You're welcome!

Also, when it is random kids being judged, not only is it not necessarily obvious that there are SN -- you probably also don't know the child's actual age (46.5 months!!!). A friend's 2yo is larger than her 4yo. The 4yo is on the smaller side, but not remarkably so, but the 2yo is off the charts. People constantly assume that there's something <<hushed whisper>> "really wrong" because they think the boys are either 4yo twins or that the 2yo is older but has significant delays. Nope. He's 2.

It's fairly normal to make snap observations and assumptions about things that seem outside one's own definition of "normal" but, really, who cares? What does it matter if it's a matter of SN, constipation, lazy parenting, a kid who is stubborn as fuck? Unless it's your kid or is impacting you PERSONALLY, I just don't understand why people care so very much about things that have zero impact on their families.

Too true - nephew 5.5yo and is abut 53" tall and weighs just under 70lbs, he looks two years older then by DS yet is only one month older. And my son is around the 80th percentile for height and 6oth for weight - it's crazy. To top it off DN has always been extremely verbal - and so even sounds older then he is. All of this shifts others expectations of him which is particularly frustrating as he has SPD.

I hate that so many are so willing to judge other parents, particularly when they have so little information. Pre-kids I admit I was quick to judge but no more. Now I just want to offer sympathy and generally like to assume that other parents are doing the best the can.