Bringing toddler to lunch with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

You are lucky if you have family to help. My parents refused to help despite living close, my MIL was in a nursing home and my FIL who'd never help, lived cross country. Our siblings don't live close but aren't the aunt/uncle types.

Whats the big deal? Mine are older but I have no issue with friends bringing their kids.

So you have nobody in your life yet somehow you have lots of people inviting you to lunch. Doesn’t really add up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:certainly when I watch football it looks just like some sort of gay fetish, what with all the tight bodies in tight pants... jumping on each other....wrestling for balls.....

Is that why you watch?

it's just so...erotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

You are lucky if you have family to help. My parents refused to help despite living close, my MIL was in a nursing home and my FIL who'd never help, lived cross country. Our siblings don't live close but aren't the aunt/uncle types.

Whats the big deal? Mine are older but I have no issue with friends bringing their kids.

That's you. Some people like to spend time with their friends alone, or with other adults not having to worry about children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

It's really not unusual at all that the friends, spouse, parents, inlaws, and siblings would all be working adults or not living nearby. They might be willing to take leave for the mom to go to a doctor's appointment without the kid, but probably not so she can go to lunch with a friend. She might not want to bother elderly neighbors, so that doesn't leave many options. If these lunches are on a weekend, then it's a little more understandable to expect the mom to leave the kid with her spouse.

It actually is unusual. A person with lots of friends and lunch dates knows nobody who can watch a toddler doesn’t really make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:certainly when I watch football it looks just like some sort of gay fetish, what with all the tight bodies in tight pants... jumping on each other....wrestling for balls.....

Is that why you watch?

it's just so...erotic.

Do you have to cool yourself off with a squirt bottle when you watch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

It's really not unusual at all that the friends, spouse, parents, inlaws, and siblings would all be working adults or not living nearby. They might be willing to take leave for the mom to go to a doctor's appointment without the kid, but probably not so she can go to lunch with a friend. She might not want to bother elderly neighbors, so that doesn't leave many options. If these lunches are on a weekend, then it's a little more understandable to expect the mom to leave the kid with her spouse.

OP did not say they were on weekdays. So if it's on the weekend, what's your excuse for why Mom can't leave baby with Dad for a few hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:certainly when I watch football it looks just like some sort of gay fetish, what with all the tight bodies in tight pants... jumping on each other....wrestling for balls.....

Is that why you watch?

it's just so...erotic.

Do you have to cool yourself off with a squirt bottle when you watch?

who doesn't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

Uh, I know my friends' abilities/preferences to get sitters and generally I would assume they are bringing a toddler. But that's me and my friends. It is odd, though, the number of people who won't just TALK ABOUT IT if they don't know preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

Uh, I know my friends' abilities/preferences to get sitters and generally I would assume they are bringing a toddler. But that's me and my friends. It is odd, though, the number of people who won't just TALK ABOUT IT if they don't know preferences.

Highlighted your issue.

You wouldn't bring your child to a bar, or your/husbands work event. You just choose to ignore the actual invite contents and do whatever you feel like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12 months old and in the last couple months I’m finally feeling like I have a handle on getting out of the house and doing things with her. I have been getting lunch with friends (most of whom don’t have kids yet) and typically bring her along. We obviously don’t go to any fancy spots. Is this annoying?

As it been established in this thread whether OP asked the people she is going to lunch with whether they do or do not mind her bringing her toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

Uh, I know my friends' abilities/preferences to get sitters and generally I would assume they are bringing a toddler. But that's me and my friends. It is odd, though, the number of people who won't just TALK ABOUT IT if they don't know preferences.

In OPs case she is the only one with a toddler. So this isn’t a “should we bring the kids or not” case. Even just one toddler can change the vibe. The onus is really on that person to check. Much like bringing your new boyfriend to a lunch with the girls would be odd without making sure it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I did this all the time when my kid was that age. Of course I'd always let the friend know and say "if you'd rather have lunch just us that's fine, I just might have to reschedule." But most of my friends wanted to see the baby.

I would not do this with a really active kid though. Mine wasn't walking at 12 months and was usually happy in a carrier or my lap. And by 18 months I didn't do it because I didn't want to -- too much work for me. But between like 4 and 14 months, yes I did this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

Uh, I know my friends' abilities/preferences to get sitters and generally I would assume they are bringing a toddler. But that's me and my friends. It is odd, though, the number of people who won't just TALK ABOUT IT if they don't know preferences.

Highlighted your issue.

You wouldn't bring your child to a bar, or your/husbands work event. You just choose to ignore the actual invite contents and do whatever you feel like.

Well, I've been to many many lunches with my friends where it is common for them to bring their toddlers. This is not abnormal for me. The "invite contents" are "do you want to get lunch". That speaks nothing about preferences for tolerances for children attending.

You are really needing to believe that your perception of things is the only one. I mean, go nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

An invitation is usually pretty clear. "Hey, do you want to grab lunch with me on friday?" How do you interpret this invitation to include your toddler child?

Uh, I know my friends' abilities/preferences to get sitters and generally I would assume they are bringing a toddler. But that's me and my friends. It is odd, though, the number of people who won't just TALK ABOUT IT if they don't know preferences.

Highlighted your issue.

You wouldn't bring your child to a bar, or your/husbands work event. You just choose to ignore the actual invite contents and do whatever you feel like.

Well, I've been to many many lunches with my friends where it is common for them to bring their toddlers. This is not abnormal for me. The "invite contents" are "do you want to get lunch". That speaks nothing about preferences for tolerances for children attending.

You are really needing to believe that your perception of things is the only one. I mean, go nuts.

Wow. Time to go back to elementary.